A couple splits up at work

M

Mikefromcork

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Hi
I am wondering what an employer can do if a couple at work splits up and can not get on with one another. Both are in the same department. One of them doesn’t want to move even though this person has complained about working with the other person and feels the other person should be moved. However moving the other person isn’t that easy due to their work. Can the employer just say it’s a private matter and ask them to follow dignity and respect at work policy. Or should the employer try moving the first person.
Any advice.
Best wishes
Mike
 
There are two sides at least to every story. We've heard a bit of one side only. More information is required.
 
Last edited:
Mikefromcork said:
Hi
I am wondering what an employer can do if a couple at work splits up and can not get on with one another. Both are in the same department. One of them doesn’t want to move even though this person has complained about working with the other person and feels the other person should be moved. However moving the other person isn’t that easy due to their work. Can the employer just say it’s a private matter and ask them to follow dignity and respect at work policy. Or should the employer try moving the first person.
Any advice.
Best wishes
Mike
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It’s neither your role nor your responsibility to adjudicate and as an employer, you’re likely to get into bother if you take one side over the other.

They should both be gently reminded that they have a responsibility to do the job they’re being paid for and that, like everyone, they should try not to bring their personal stuff to the workplace.

You’re under no obligation to move either of them if it doesn’t suit you and it’s not your job to provide couples therapy. You could perhaps suggest mediation and offer to facilitate any arrangement they come up with themselves if it doesn’t unreasonably affect the business.
 
A disaster Mike! The only thing you should do as an employer is treat them as two individual employees who cannot get along and the consequences that has on the work.

If John requests Mary move department be clear with John that it is part of his job to get on, at a professional level, with all in the department and that if he cannot commit to being professional in all his work dealings with Mary then his performance is unacceptable and will be dealt with further.

If he says he cannot work in the same dept as Mary and someone needs to move then say as the employer you are not moving staff to different departments just because they cannot get on, you realise how difficult it is for him and would understand why he would decide to move on from your employment. Then says let’s discuss what your future plans will be.

So basically not your issue, their issue. If one or both of them throws a strop or refused to work professionally with the other then you are saying to them, drop it, be professional in your dealings, or move on, you don’t need to work here any more.
 
I would avoid suggesting that either should quitting (as seems to be suggested above ).
 
Look on the bright side, it could be worse, at least none of them seems to have had an affair with another colleague (one of my favourite ones I've had to deal with in the past).

There are 2 things you need to do here. Firstly, as a caring employer, is there support you can give them as individuals?. Most multinationals, for example, will have support and counseling mechanisms via external suppliers and as part of any 1-1 conversation, you could encourage them to take advantage of those. I've recommended them to staff in the past and they've almost always had a positive impact

Secondly, you need to be quite brutal and treat their performance and behaviour as just that, performance and behavioural issues. Don't take sides, ignore the gossip around the office and address performance issues as just that. You don't have to like everyone you work with

Make sure you document every conversation also. One of them will resign or go off sick with stress sooner or later and you need to ensure there are no grounds for constructive dismissal claims or anything like that.
 
If I was their employer and it was creating angst in the workplace, I would have a chat with both and let them know I wasn't taking sides but was paying them to do a job. This job I expect them to do to the best of their ability. If they want to come back and have a chat, that's fine too. Also might be no harm to have a chat with the supervisor, or whoever is manager, to lay out what's expected from everyone, and stop any gossiping or suchlike. Otherwise, it's a disaster. On the other hand, it is not as uncommon as some might think. Gossip and tittle tattle are as big a scourge as anything else in the workplace today.
 
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