what name to call inlaws - Mr and Mrs or Jack and Vera?

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johnd

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My daughter's boyfriend always refers to my wife and me as Mrs. or Mr. when we are having a converstation as in "Thank you Mrs P for lovely meal" (he's very polite) I'm all for him calling us by our first names but my wife doesn't like the idea, she thinks its too casual and forward but doesn't like the Mrs. bit either. What do other people call their partner's parents? I never called my inlaws by their first names but thats going back 25 years so things might be different now.
 
How long has he been a boyfriend? this is paramount, When I first met my wife's parents I called them Mr and Mrs, a) out of respect and b) because I wanted them to think I was "very polite". As time passed (and I didn't see them that often) I got to know them better, I called them by their first names.
 
Ten months but we don't see him that often- maybe once a month. Would that account for it? I certainly don't want him to refer to me as "Dad" ever if they married or lived together.
 
Calling you Dad would be weird, I always refer to my in laws by their christain names now, but have done for years, only married recently. Is he a young man?
 
DavyJones said:
How long has he been a boyfriend? this is paramount, When I first met my wife's parents I called them Mr and Mrs, a) out of respect and b) because I wanted them to think I was "very polite". As time passed (and I didn't see them that often) I got to know them better, I called them by their first names.
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I did the exact same, Davy, for the same reasons and I think that's the way it works for most people in that situation.

I have a friend who's married for about 20 years, like myself, and when we chat, he still refers to his father in law as Mr. ______!

I haven't the heart to tell him how absolutely ridiculous it sounds!
 
Myself and my fiance are in our twenties and have been together for 6 years. We've always addressed our 'in-laws' by their first names. In my case that used to be Margaret and Barry for his parents whcih have since become Mags and Bar (which is what everyone else calls them) i think it depends how often you see them and how close you'd be to them. Although nowadays i can't really imagine anyone using mr and mrs beyond the first meeting. We call our 'nanas-in-law' by their first names too so all formality is gone in our house!
 
I started off calling mine Mr and Mrs Walsh (say), and graduated onto Mr and Mrs W (as a kind of affectionate shortened version), then onto first names, now I call his father by a family nickname, and his mother by her first name.

Even with friends parents Id never go straight to first names unless they insisted from the beginning.
 
You have to use the formal address until they invite you to call them something else.

I was in a situation once in continental Europe where I spent several years addressing partner's M&D as 'madam' and 'sir' - all her brothers and sister's partners did exactly the same. It didn't feel weird as it was the done thing.

the OP's wife is in a bit of a quandry about what name she would like used. She should bite the bullet and decide one way or the other because it can't change until she finally decides how she would like to be addressed.

I think first names is okay - my wife uses my parents' first names and its fine - I still call them mum & dad, tho when talking to my little fella in their presence, its often tough to remember that their names change to Granny and Granda, resulting in my suggesting to my son that he has two mammies/daddies.
 
Do you and your wife LIKE your son in-law?
If so, than what's the problem with him using your given name..I mean if family cannot refer to each other by Christian names then we're all in trouble!

If my mother in-law wanted to be called Mrs M... then she'd be a long, long time waiting for a visit :rolleyes:
In a word...RESPECT goes both ways as far as I'm concerned :cool:
 
In this day and age, even small kids call their friends' parents by their christian names and the prefix of auntie and uncle has also gone by the wayside. I think you should just invite him to 'call us Jack and Vera'. Its not 'forward 'anymore and what's wrong with being 'casual', particularly if he's going to be joining the family.
 
I think times have changed and while the very first time a younger person meets "in-laws" Mr & Mrs might be acceptable, I would hope that the older couple would immediately say " call us X & Y". Even as a teenager (15 years ago), I called boyfriends' parents by their first names...but then I was a cheeky teenager. My late grandmother was always highly amused but not offended by companies (eg Eircom/Bord Gais) that would ring her up and then address her by her first name.
 
My brother-in-law (married to sis for 14 years or so) still calls my parents Mr & Mrs .... after all this time! I don't recall if he's ever been invited to call them X & Y, but if he has, he's decided not to!
 
I don't think I've ever called my in-laws by the Mr & Mrs prefix. Maybe I did the night I asked my father-in-law for his blessing in marrying his daughter (old traditionalist that I am) but then he went back to being called his first name.

Our daughter has her own names for her grand-parents so invariably they are referred to using her titles for them (e.g dranny mia, grandma Maria or Mia to the rest of us).
 
johnd said:
My daughter's boyfriend always refers to my wife and me as Mrs. or Mr. when we are having a converstation as in "Thank you Mrs P for lovely meal" (he's very polite) I'm all for him calling us by our first names but my wife doesn't like the idea, she thinks its too casual and forward but doesn't like the Mrs. bit either. What do other people call their partner's parents? I never called my inlaws by their first names but thats going back 25 years so things might be different now.
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What about if you tell him it is okay to call you by your first name since that is what you would prefer? I am not sure what to suggest in your wife's case if she is not comfortable with either being addressed by first name or being addressed more formally. I think it is always better to start a bit more formally when meeting someone -especially other half''s parents for example-and then by all means call someone by their first name if they ask you to do so.
 
I always call people by their first names.

I had a customer a professor of whatever who insisted I call him "professor whatever" so I insisted he call me "senior mastercraftsman of cabinetmaking".

He could never do it and keep a straight face, ended up just calling him by his first name.

To the OP my view is call people by their first names, I certainly did when I met my In-laws to be.
 
S.L.F said:
I always call people by their first names.

I had a customer a professor of whatever who insisted I call him "professor whatever" so I insisted he call me "senior mastercraftsman of cabinetmaking".

He could never do it and keep a straight face, ended up just calling him by his first name.

To the OP my view is call people by their first names, I certainly did when I met my In-laws to be.
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Good for you! although working in a clinical/academic environment, I do call some people Dr/Professor, others by their first names - it depends on the relationship we have (formal or informal) AND whether they call me by my first name or not.
 
Gordanus said:
Good for you! although working in a clinical/academic environment, I do call some people Dr/Professor, others by their first names - it depends on the relationship we have (formal or informal) AND whether they call me by my first name or not.
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That's a job environment you are speaking of and I know there are an awful lot of academic snobs out there my wife has worked with a few but law and others god they are such awful snobs, not all of them I have to say but a good sizible portion
 
Coming to this a bit late but to be honest, I think after 10 months, insisting that you are referred to as Mr/Mrs is nothing short of an insult to the guy.

For Ireland, it's quite surprising for me as well.
 
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