The only wedding you HAVE to go to is your own
- Thread starter autumnleaf
- Start date
autumnleaf
Registered User
- Messages
- 38
Cousins can be tricky when deciding who to invite, because the typical Irish family can be pretty big. It's natural to be closer to some cousins than others, depending on age and geographical proximity and which siblings your parents were close to. I know one couple who said "no cousins" because they had over 80 between them and then there would have been partners and children, so half the wedding would have been people they barely knew. I've politely turned down invites to cousins' weddings and I think they were probably relieved there were 2 less people to cater for (me + partner).
Slightly O/T but... My partner and I are getting married some time next year and we haven't started planning due to a disagreement in terms of number of guests we should invite.
He has a huge family with loads of aunties, cousins, their partners, etc. and I have only one brother and SIL. He feels that all hs aunties and cousins and subsequently anyone who ever invited him to anything will be offended if they don't receive an invitation. I can only hope that most of them turn us down so that we can have a small intimate affair which I think is the whole point of a wedding rather than turn a very special occassion into a circus full of people who don't know us and we don't know them.
He has a huge family with loads of aunties, cousins, their partners, etc. and I have only one brother and SIL. He feels that all hs aunties and cousins and subsequently anyone who ever invited him to anything will be offended if they don't receive an invitation. I can only hope that most of them turn us down so that we can have a small intimate affair which I think is the whole point of a wedding rather than turn a very special occassion into a circus full of people who don't know us and we don't know them.
autumnleaf
Registered User
- Messages
- 38
Can you have the wedding on a weekday? That way people who barely know you will offer work commitments as a reason for not coming, whereas on a Saturday they might turn up just because they feel obliged or have nothing better to do. The people who really want to be there will take the time off, so long as you give them plenty of notice. My brother got married on a Thursday and I didn't mind taking a long weekend for him; for a more distant relative or friend I probably wouldn't have bothered. Also, most hotels give you discounts and freebies for midweek weddings
Well they are family and they wouldn't be strangers if he had met them at other weddings/funerals/christenings whatever but of course he would have had to have been invited. Likewise the guests at his wedding won't be strangers at each other's future weddings perhaps. Basic social/family contact, haven't you heard of it?
If people really feel that their entire extended family is a bunch of strangers I think that's sad but I can understand why they wouldn't feel like inviting a load of strangers.
truthseeker
Registered User
- Messages
- 2,577
Not to the degree of inviting 200 odd people I dont know to my wedding - no.
Are you saying that people know every single extended family member plus their partner no matter what the age well enough to invite them to their wedding? Rubbish!
People ask them because they feel obliged to - not because they have personal relationships with them!!
Protocol - I totally agree with your idea, I would feel the same way.
I am with my fiancee around 4 years now and at a recent family funeral of his a man and woman came up to us and the woman stated 'oh when is the wedding - i cant wait for a day out'. Afterwards I asked who she was - he couldnt even remember her name, she was the wife of an uncle of his who he barely knows. So in four years of our relationship neither of us had seen this woman and the first thing she says to me is an indication that she expects to be invited to my wedding? I dont think so. We would have crossed her straight off the list - had she been on it to begin with
we're getting married soon. 120 people - himself has 28 aunts and uncles - both his parents are 1 or 7. massive family. but strictly no cousins on his side - but his family are very odd - you couldn't invite one aunt and not the other, or one cousin and not the other. If I haven't seen you in years, there's no way you're coming to my wedding. but it's more mutual in my family....I don't expect to be invited to some of their weddings, and they're not expecting to be invited to mine.
but back to your original point - i hear all the time about people going to weddings and moaning about the cost - just don't go if you can't afford it. But I do think that the B&G can be more conscientious - we're not black tie, we're in dublin (where we're both from) & there's no accomodation - everyone can get a taxi home. A pal got married recently in Crumlin and had the reception in Cabra Castle! Total Madness.
but back to your original point - i hear all the time about people going to weddings and moaning about the cost - just don't go if you can't afford it. But I do think that the B&G can be more conscientious - we're not black tie, we're in dublin (where we're both from) & there's no accomodation - everyone can get a taxi home. A pal got married recently in Crumlin and had the reception in Cabra Castle! Total Madness.
Depends on the person but in general if possible the best thing to do is ring them in advance and ask.
Hear, hear. Last year I went to two weddings where the church and reception were an hours drive apart along bad country roads. It is nice to be a bit conscientious and courteous.
Agreed. Even ignoring the expense of probably having to stay over in or around Cabra Castle, I would imagine that it took at least 90 minutes out of the day, just to get from Crumlin to Kingscourt.
autumnleaf
Registered User
- Messages
- 38
I have over 30 first cousins, some of whom live abroad. I am close to some (there's one girl about my age who I e-mail regularly) and not others (barely recognize them at family events). I don't see how I could have a close personal relationship with that many people and still have room in my life for people I'm not related to. I've been invited to a number of cousins' weddings but only go to those I'm close to.
No I'm not saying that. Both of us have a large extended family and no they weren't all invited as that was impractical for us too, but the ones that we did invite we do know and see regularly. Where do we see them? At other weddings and family gatherings.
I'm just making the point that if every one in our families said 'no cousins invited', none of us would invited anywhere, and we wouldn't know any of our cousins and it would be a vicious circle.