Invited to the afters, not going, do i purchase a gift of some sort?

M

morpheus

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Hi all,

My partner and I were invited to the afters of a wedding, its someone we know, but only though a sports club, were not great friends and to be honest wouldnt bother with them outside of the sports. It was a general, "your all invited with your partners to the afters" rather than a card sent to each player.

We've decided that we dont want to go for various reasons. Is it necessary to buy a gift (eg even a gift voucher in a card) for the couple if you have decided not to go????

your advice is appreciated.
 
I play rugby and similar situations often arise - those of us who decide not to attend generally chip in a tenner and send a gift voucher/bank draft from all of us.
 
As above, if its club related, ask if theres a club envelope knocking around that you could throw no more then 10e into. Apart fom that, dont bother.
 
Wouldn't expect anything myself from invitees who did or did not show up to the afters!
 
Take a stand against the curse of afters invitations and send nothing. Or maybe a cheap card, just to rub it in.
 
i have never liked the idea of evening guests. personally, if i am ever asked to an evening do then i will not be going.
they are only inviting the people from their sports group just to be polite and look good but they are probably hoping that nobody actually turns up ! anyway, friends have said in the past that they have went along as evening guests and find everybody well boozed and in their own little bonded groups and found it hard to mix in usually with a lot of people they dont know so end up getting legless on their own to make it bearable ! i am such a miserable so and so !!
at my wedding in ireland, my dad went home after his dinner to milk the cows ! then came back later for the beer ! believe it or not he recommends this to everyone as a way of working off the meal and making room for the drink, i think he was just looking for helpers !
 
What about a cousins wedding. We have just got an evening invite to my cousins wedding. We will probably not be going due to the unavailability of a babysitter (all at wedding). Should we give a gift?
 
Joe1234 said:
What about a cousins wedding. We have just got an evening invite to my cousins wedding. We will probably not be going due to the unavailability of a babysitter (all at wedding). Should we give a gift?
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I would. Something with a small value - a token. E.g. A vase or something like this.... I'd only spend about 20 euro tho....
 
A cousin's wedding I would definitely bring a gift. As for going to the afters of weddings for non-family members I would not feel it is necessary to bring any gift
 
i thought "cousins" were family and would be invited to the full wedding party, never heard of this situation before. i know i would never dream of not asking cousins to the full day.
 
lorna said:
i thought "cousins" were family and would be invited to the full wedding party, never heard of this situation before. i know i would never dream of not asking cousins to the full day.
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I have 29 first cousins and my wife has 17. To invite them all (plus partners) would have had 92 additional guests at our wedding, and cost over 3 grand extra.
 
wow joe 1234, i guess i am pretty lucky with only 9 first cousins ! 29 my God ! and my husband has actually no first cousins believe or not. out of my 9 first cousins, only 1 of them is married and not one of them has any children yet ! but there is time yet as they are all in their late 20s.
and yes this is an irish family but probably typical numbers for a Prod !
 
Joe1234 said:
I have 29 first cousins and my wife has 17. To invite them all (plus partners) would have had 92 additional guests at our wedding, and cost over 3 grand extra.
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Lucky you! I have over 60 first cousins (most are older than me and almost all married) so there's no way I could invite all of them to a wedding or any other type of party.
 
lorna said:
i thought "cousins" were family and would be invited to the full wedding party, never heard of this situation before. i know i would never dream of not asking cousins to the full day.
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Each family is different though, it depends how close you are to your cousins. I would only be close to two of them. And for my wedding I am only inviting very close friends and family, just people who regularly make contact or are very old friends.
 
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