Hi truthseeker, here the answers to your questions:
A was admitted to hospital after having a seizure. Everything she had on her at that point was handed over to the aunt. The aunt also had keys to A's house (all her children did and do), so she went in and took all of A's paperwork and valuables (for safekeeping). At the time this was fine by everyone as it was safer not to leave them in the then-unoccupied house, we all felt.
A couldn't agree to this as her mental condition deteriorated very quickly and quite dramatically once she was admitted to hospital. I had actually lived with her on and off in the year before this happened, and my parent and my aunt did about an equal share of the caring. I think aunt would agree that that's a fair description of it.
My mother offered to move into A's house with her and care for her there because A was so desperate to go home and not into a nursing home. She would have needed professional support though, which she couldn't afford and the others couldn't either. When A begged to at least be let home for Christmas my mother (against the other sibling's wishes but with the approval of doctors) brought her home. I think it would be fair to say my mother had as close and good a relationship with A as my aunt did, and that they both did the best they could for her, in their own ways.
The original agreement between all the siblings was that a small sum of money would be withdrawn from A's account and deposited in this post office savings account (which would have two names on it) so it would be available for A's funeral when she passes. Aunt was very concerned that A's money would be unavailabe for some time after her death. I don't know if that would be the case? I suppose accounts are frozen until the will is read and in the meantime arrangements have to be made for the funeral anyway? I hadn't really thought that far ahead, but everyone agreed that this was a good idea.
My parent only found out how much money had been withdrawn when she was at A's house and found a bank statement. In the three months it had records for, several thousand euro had been withdrawn. When she asked aunt what this money had been spent on, aunt said it was all spent on A or put in the post office account. She refused to give any more details, and when my mother asked to see the post office book aunt became aggressive and ended the conversation.
On another occasion my mother found A's new ATM card at A's house (she stays at the house regularly, and this was okayed by all other siblings) and told my aunt she wanted to see the post office booklet before she would hand the new ATM card to my aunt. This was followed by a series of very aggressive phone calls and confrontations between my mother and my aunt and her daughter. Eventually, my mother was given two photocopied pages of the booklet. My aunt absolutely refused to let her see the whole thing.
When my mother asked why there was so much money in the post office, and why nobody else's name could be put on the account, another confrontation -- but no answers -- followed.
We know that A never gave the aunt permission (or an EPA) because she herself often told us that she didn't trust this aunt. She asked us to 'keep an eye on her' and not let her 'get rid of me (A)' -- in the sense of putting her in a nursing home.
As for the question of my mother taking over, that's certainly not what she wants to do, so going to the bank to be put on the account isn't really a great idea, you're right. She also can't be put on the account as A can't really speak very well anymore, let alone write.
What my mother wants is to make joint decisions, and to be informed of any decisions my aunt makes (if they're not important enough to warrant debate or discussion). This was the original agreement, and she is simply refusing to stick to it. The other two siblings live abroad and in another city and just aren't that interested.
As for the last comment about rent being an additional income, that hadn't even occurred to me. I'm not sure if they will be declaring this income or not though ... The house was rented out before (similar but more complicated situation that ended disastrously) and the rent was paid in cash and went into the post office savings account.
Sorry for the longwinded response, but I wanted to answer everything. I hope that's clearer now.
This is really helping me see (or try to see!) things from a different perspective.
