Graduation - everyone is bothered except me!

H

HMC

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Hello,

I'm a mature student in my early 40s and I've just completed my B.A..
For the last several months my sister has been hounding me about the date of my graduation because she wants to attend along with her husband (who probably could not care less!).
I am not overly bothered about attending the ceremony, having a photograph taken that will lie in a drawer (my mother is going on about the darn photo). I know already I will be graduating with an excellent grade and that is what is important to me, not the ceremony. In any case, I am taking up a job abroad in the next couple of weeks so could use the excuse of being unable to travel back in September.
How can I get these people off my back?! Am I being unreasonable?
HMC
 
Yes, yes you are.

Suck it up, buddy. Life is full of crap and stress and it isn't often we get to celebrate someone's success, and be proud of someone in our family. So let them have their day out. Anyway you may regret the things you don't do...
 
Go to it. Its only a day.

The actual ceremony and wearing of mortarboard and gown is surprisingly full of fun, pride and enjoyment.

The pics might not mean anything to you now but they might mean something to other people down the line.
 
Well, I had no interest whatsover in my ceremony - in fact I thought the whole idea was silly, antiquated, pompous etc.

This was in 1991 - I made my feelings clear to my family from the beginning. I don't think they were too bothered - or at least if they were they certainly didn't show it.
 
The grad ceremony isn't just for you- it's for your friends and family who support you through and it's their chance to celebrate too and to be proud.

I had three graduation ceremonies, and personally would probably not have bothered, but I went for my parents mainly. They supported me all the way, and you can be sure when I collected my 'bits of paper', it was them I was smiling at from the podium! And I posed for loads of photos with them and some of my most treasured photos now are the ones I have of my late mother when I put my cap and gown on her and forced her to hold my parchment because she deserved that bit of paper more than I did, the best kind of Irish mammy that she was.
 
They say its important to celebrate achievements.

My natural reaction had always been, exam over, reckon I passed, whats next ..... (i.e. dont start start thinking you're great, theres another challenge just ahead, you cant be going soft)

But for your own sake, and as others have said maybe moreso for family, its important to reflect on your success, allow yourself to enjoy it, you put in the graft so you should give yourself a day out on it.
 
Vanilla said:
The grad ceremony isn't just for you- it's for your friends and family who support you through and it's their chance to celebrate too and to be proud.

I had three graduation ceremonies, and personally would probably not have bothered, but I went for my parents mainly. They supported me all the way, and you can be sure when I collected my 'bits of paper', it was them I was smiling at from the podium! And I posed for loads of photos with them and some of my most treasured photos now are the ones I have of my late mother when I put my cap and gown on her and forced her to hold my parchment because she deserved that bit of paper more than I did, the best kind of Irish mammy that she was.
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Vanilla, very well put and touching post. I never heard of anyone doing that on their graduation day and think it is a wonderful gesture.
 
Well, it depends on the graduand's situation. If you are overseas working then it would be a bit ridiculous to go to the expense of coming back for the day. This happened one of my sons and I totally agreed with that. However, if you are around then it is a nice day for the family and photographs will be treasured in the future.
 
... or compromise (remember when that word conveyed a moving closer together or acceptance?) and get some studio shots done with your nearest and dearest before you go away. I believe some photographers can supply a cap, gown and parchment as part of a package. I'm sure it'll keep the mammy happy and that's what counts :)
 
It won't kill you; and in the immortal words of Mark Twain in 20 years time you'll be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did do.
 
I loved my graduation ceremony. I felt so clever and I know my parents were very proud. I was the first person on my dad's side of the family to ever get a degree.
Go along. You're family will love it
 
If it's important to the people who are important to you, then you should make every effort to be there and you should not show any reluctance that might upset them.

Homer
 
looking back, it was my parents and grandparents who got more from my graduation than me but i don't mind - being a mum myself i can understand now how proud they were, at the end of the day it was also their accomplishment
 
I didnt go to my first graduation in the UK and I regretted it. I went to my second grad and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The worse part was lining up outside and finding out that I was the first person that was leading all the rest of the gang into the grad hall. On the flip side, my last graduation was boring as hell...
 
HMC said:
Hello,

I'm a mature student in my early 40s and I've just completed my B.A..
For the last several months my sister has been hounding me about the date of my graduation because she wants to attend along with her husband (who probably could not care less!).
I am not overly bothered about attending the ceremony, having a photograph taken that will lie in a drawer (my mother is going on about the darn photo). I know already I will be graduating with an excellent grade and that is what is important to me, not the ceremony. In any case, I am taking up a job abroad in the next couple of weeks so could use the excuse of being unable to travel back in September.
How can I get these people off my back?! Am I being unreasonable?
HMC
Click to expand...

I can understand your position to some degree (no pun intended). Graduations have become so commonplace in recent years that they've become less of a big deal and perhaps less worth getting excited about.

That said, it's nice that your family are proud of you and taking an interest and that should be acknowledged. My mother had already passed away when I went to college and I might as well have being going out selling drugs every evening for all the interest my father could muster.
 
They even have graduations from pre school now. Now that is a step too far.
It does cheapen the traditions of graduations particularly for higher education.
 
Vanilla that was really lovely. Sweet memories. I've seen my daughter graduate and was so proud of her and her achievements. It was a lovely day. I think the little extra bit you go to please your parents when you're young means so much to them and its only when you're mums and dads yourselves that you'll realise this. You'll all be so proud of your little ones as they grow up.
 
I had two and only attended one. The only reason I did was for my parents otherwise I wouldn't have bothered.

If my sister was at me I'd just threaten Gok or Off the rails on her. Nothing like the mortification of being on the telly in a horrid grey body suit to shut her up.

My friends 4 year old had a graduation from her pre school. It was so cute, the 4 year old enjoyed her day way more than I ever did.
 
I agree that graduation ceremonies are a bit boring but your mother is obviously dying to have a photo of you on the mantlepiece in your gown and mortar board. I would grit your teeth and go for her sake.
 
I always found them over - rated.

There is a lot of stress with them.

Everybody makes a big ocasion of them & it never appealed to me as an event.

That said - It is a day you'll remember.


Congrats on the degree.
 
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