... I can only hope that the conversation was recorded for training purposes in Mumbai.
Strange you should mention that. Through the power of the interwebby yoke, I found this -
Transcript of Lex’s conversation with Indian tele-sales operator, to the tune of GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME (As recorded by Peter Sellers & Sophia Loren)
Lex: Operator, I'm in trouble.
Operator: Well, goodness gracious me.
L: For a long time now every fecken team, Bates the one that’s dear to me.
O: Mmm?
L: No flush comes to my face, And my pulse has ceased to race,
It don’t go boom buddy-boom buddy-boom buddy-boom
Buddy-boom buddy-boom buddy-boom-boom-boom,
O: Oh!
L: Boom buddy-boom buddy-boom buddy-boom
O: Well, goodness gracious me.
O: Do you need any double glazing? Help to make your broadband start?
You see, our products are designed, To stop this aching in your heart.
L: What kind of team do we, Need to win a victory?
So we can go boom buddy-boom buddy-boom buddy-boom
Buddy-boom buddy-boom buddy-boom-boom-boom,
O: Oh!
L: Boom buddy-boom buddy-boom buddy-boom
O: Well, goodness gracious me.
O: From Ballincollig to New Delhi
I have done my share of selling,
And I've never yet been beaten or outfoxed,
I remember that with one quote
I sold out a pleasure-cruise boat
I cleared out Alaskan time-shares
And those tiles that were all off-square,
But your complaint has got me really foxed.
L: Oh.
L: Our panel consists of mingers.
O: Well, goodness gracious me.
L: You may be very clever
But however, can't you see,
For my heart to beat too much
The McCarthy I must touch,
So it’ll go boom buddy-boom buddy-boom buddy-boom
Buddy-boom buddy-boom buddy-boom-boom-boom,
O: I like it!
L: Boom buddy-boom buddy-boom buddy-boom
O: Well, goodness gracious me.
(Unsuitable stuff censored here)
O: My initial diagnosis
Rules out Rekei and Hypnosis,
As a means to help your county hurlers gell,
Immolation, immigration,
Bantry’s water or crustaceans,
And you'll be so sad to hear
Neither WAGs nor designer gear
Will guarantee to make your Cork heart swell,
Ja-ja, ja-ja-ja-ja.
O: Put two and two together,
L: Ehhh ...
O: If you have eyes to see,
The place that can make your pulses race
Is right in front of thee.
L: Oh, I know, I know, I know,
We’ll go and hurl in Ulster so.
Both: Oh, we’ll go boom buddy-boom buddy-boom buddy-boom
Buddy-boom buddy-boom buddy-boom-boom-boom, on the twelfth
O: Goodness gracious,
L: How audacious!
O: Goodness gracious,
L: How flirtatious!
O: Goodness gracious,
L: It is me.
O: It is you?
L: Ah, I'm sorry, it is us.
Both: Ahhh!
N.B. This recording can only be used for training porpoises or Cork Hurlers.