As part of the cremeegg news service, we have just received the transcript of the private conversation between Prime Minister May and President Trump
DT: Welcome Teresa to my new home.
TM: Well thank you Donald and I hope this visit will start the renewal of the very special relationship between our two countries.
DT: Very special, very special. As you know we have just announced some great new policies in the international field and I'm sure that I can rely on your support.
TM: Well of course the UK will be delighted to support our oldest ally in any policies where we share a mutual outlook, what did you have in mind in particular.
DT:Well on the muslims, we are going to stop immigration from Muslim majority countries, maybe you could do the same in your country. It would be a nice gesture of support and of course benefit your country as well.
TM: Well we will look into that.
DT: And of course you know that we are bringing back torture as well. Now if you could do some torture too that would be great.
TM: Well I am not so sure about that.
DT: Sure, sure. I understand, we dont want to move too fast in this special relationship. Maybe instead of doing the torture, you could just, you know, make a statement supporting our efforts.
TM: Well we will look into that.
DT: Well that would be great. Now about this wall, you know we want the Mexicans to pay, we are looking at introducing scantions to encourage them along on that one. I was hoping that as a special favour you might make a statement to support us on that.
TM: Well we will look into that.
DT. Speaking of sanctions, I was thinking about dropping the scantions on Russia over the Crimea thing. What do you say, a united front, strengthen our special relationship, show the world that it really means something, not just talk.
TM: Well we will look into that.
DT: But Hey Teresa, I'm doing all the talking here, a special relationship must be a two way street. A win win situation. What are your issues.
TM: Well Donald, you know we are leaving the EU.
DT: You did great.
TM: Well what about a trade deal, between the US and the UK
DT: That would be great Teresa. What do you need.
TM: Well tariff free access to US markets for UK exporters would be great.
DT: Sure Teresa, that shouldn't be a problem. It will be great to have a deal lined up before you officially give the two fingers to the EU in March. I'm sure we can arrange that.
TM: That would be wonderful. Could it be done so quickly.
DT: Sure, sure. Those trade negotiators just like to make it seem complicated, makes them look important. Deals simple. You get tariff free access to US marklets, US companies get to do business in the UK, sell our GM produce, build hospitals in the UK, ..
TM: Well GM produce is banned in the UK at the moment, and well the government owns all the hospitals.
DT: Sure, sure, but with our special relationship, you can maybe sort these things for us, all part of s trade deal.
TM: Well we will look into that.
DT: Welcome Teresa to my new home.
TM: Well thank you Donald and I hope this visit will start the renewal of the very special relationship between our two countries.
DT: Very special, very special. As you know we have just announced some great new policies in the international field and I'm sure that I can rely on your support.
TM: Well of course the UK will be delighted to support our oldest ally in any policies where we share a mutual outlook, what did you have in mind in particular.
DT:Well on the muslims, we are going to stop immigration from Muslim majority countries, maybe you could do the same in your country. It would be a nice gesture of support and of course benefit your country as well.
TM: Well we will look into that.
DT: And of course you know that we are bringing back torture as well. Now if you could do some torture too that would be great.
TM: Well I am not so sure about that.
DT: Sure, sure. I understand, we dont want to move too fast in this special relationship. Maybe instead of doing the torture, you could just, you know, make a statement supporting our efforts.
TM: Well we will look into that.
DT: Well that would be great. Now about this wall, you know we want the Mexicans to pay, we are looking at introducing scantions to encourage them along on that one. I was hoping that as a special favour you might make a statement to support us on that.
TM: Well we will look into that.
DT. Speaking of sanctions, I was thinking about dropping the scantions on Russia over the Crimea thing. What do you say, a united front, strengthen our special relationship, show the world that it really means something, not just talk.
TM: Well we will look into that.
DT: But Hey Teresa, I'm doing all the talking here, a special relationship must be a two way street. A win win situation. What are your issues.
TM: Well Donald, you know we are leaving the EU.
DT: You did great.
TM: Well what about a trade deal, between the US and the UK
DT: That would be great Teresa. What do you need.
TM: Well tariff free access to US markets for UK exporters would be great.
DT: Sure Teresa, that shouldn't be a problem. It will be great to have a deal lined up before you officially give the two fingers to the EU in March. I'm sure we can arrange that.
TM: That would be wonderful. Could it be done so quickly.
DT: Sure, sure. Those trade negotiators just like to make it seem complicated, makes them look important. Deals simple. You get tariff free access to US marklets, US companies get to do business in the UK, sell our GM produce, build hospitals in the UK, ..
TM: Well GM produce is banned in the UK at the moment, and well the government owns all the hospitals.
DT: Sure, sure, but with our special relationship, you can maybe sort these things for us, all part of s trade deal.
TM: Well we will look into that.