separation, best approach

R

Regrets

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Hi,

Marriage appears to be over and I am just curious about a couple of issues.

We have a house, value 220 - 240k, mortgage left 100k.

I put everything into the house, my wife has never put a penny into it. we have no kids and she wants to keep the house.

My concerns are:

I doubt she can afford to keep the House, pay the mortgage and bills.

If she keeps the house how will I be able to house myself? will a bank give me a mortgage for anywhere?

Her rights to residency in Ireland are dependent on our relationship.

Am I better off just being the big mean man and separating, selling the house and trying to reach an agreement on dividing the proceeds?

My head is spinning with everything and i can't see straight right now.
 
Sorry to hear about your difficulties.

You will need to consult a solicitor who will give you legal and practical advice on the matter.

I think you need to look at the much bigger picture of an overall agreement. If she is dependent on you financially, you will have to pay her maintenance. I presume that if she has to leave the country, you would still have to pay maintenance, but I have no idea.

If the house is in your joint names, you would need to get her agreement to sell it or for you to take it over. If she refuses, the easiest way to deal with it is to stop paying the mortgage and get the bank to repossess it. Of course, this ruins your credit rating and it will be a forced sale for a lot less than it is worth. And she could frustrate it by paying the mortgage herself.

Regrets said:
My head is spinning with everything and i can't see straight right now.
Click to expand...

Don't enter into any discussions or make any decisions while you are in this state. Talk to your solicitor.

Brendan
 
thanks Brendan,


How do banks look at people who are separated these days, am i likely to be blacklisted for mortgages forever now?
 
Not at all.

If you can afford a second mortgage, the lenders will be only too delighted to give you one.

You would need to meet their normal criteria - e.g. an adequate salary and a good credit record.

You should provide basic information for others to assess your chances:

1) Your salary
2) Her salary
3) Any savings you have for a deposit
4) The value of the house you want to buy
 
Thanks Brendan,

I was concerned that they will just look at it and see separation and go,,, NOPE.

If separated would they still expect to see her salary details, etc..... If things turn nasty for people as separation often does, how can they expect this?
 
They will need you to have a separation agreement in place before you will get another mortgage just to tidy up any rights to the new house. I presume you are not thinking of buying straightaway before the original mortgage/house is sorted out.
 
Regrets said:
My head is spinning with everything and i can't see straight right now.
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear of your challenges.

I know this is site can be primarily all about money - but please look after yourself more broadly also. Talk to a trusted friend(s) and maybe get some non-financial professional to help also - e.g. a few sessions with a qualified psychologist may help to calm and order your thoughts. (As it's AAM, any costs will be negligible in overall context!)

Best wishes
 
"I put everything into the house, my wife has never put a penny into it. we have no kids and she wants to keep the house."

Right Regrets, the sentence above is grand from your point of view. But, how about hers? Does she work? What does she earn compared to your earnings? If she didn't work, is there a reason? Was she a loyal companion? Were you a loyal companion? Is there middle ground for complete settlement? Are you both in other relationships? Sorry for the questions and it must be uncomfortable for both of you. €100,000 left of a mortgage is no big deal in the greater scheme of things.
 
Hi Regrets,
I hope you doing ok. I just read your post as I just added a new thread of my own titled, here is the link:
http://www.askaboutmoney.com/threads/in-a-mess.200568/

Anyway, consider yourself lucky that there is not a child involved in your situation. From a mental health point of view, what
helps me cope is just to take one day at a time. Looking into the future is frightening as it is such an unknown in separation situations.
You said something interesting in your opening post 'should I be the big mean man and separate'. Well it sound to me like your marriage is over anyway, and you are as good as separated. Don't apologise for that. Forget guilt now, there were 2 of you made decisions here and so 2 of you
need to take responsibility. You did not force her to come to ireland.
I wish my situation was as simple as yours I tell you.
 
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