Pet Hates re office etiquette
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Duke of Marmalade
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People who don't smell check their he-males.
The couple who start a workplace relationship which promptly goes downhill and they then spend all their time telling anyone in the office who will listen what a prat the other is. Made even worse by the glowering and nitpicking at each other at meetings, etc
T
techman2
Guest
I think alot of office politics is got to do with the fact that men and women were never meant to work together in such close quarters. Anywhere you have an all male workforce or all female workforce you don't have office politics. I think for a start cubicle farms should be done away with and if a person needs an office give them a proper office not a cubicle.
So untrue, I dont know where to start!
Anyway, I've remembered another one- the worst of all is the colleague who sucks up to the boss and is the bosses 'informer', but somehow thinks nobody else has copped on and wanders about the office trying to get the inside information to pass on to the head honcho. In one previous workplace we had one of these colleagues, and it became apparent after a while what was going on. So gradually we started telling her more and more outlandish stories- like X ( who was a quiet sort of a bloke recently returned from NZ and super polite) had been a member of a cult and only came back to Ireland after being kidnapped by a 'de- culter'. The boss used to be told all these stories, of course, and might repeat them to another member of staff, who would look very disbelieving and say-' And Y told you this, did she?'
Priceless.
p.s. I fell for it, Clubman- you'd think I 'd have better sense...
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techman2
Guest
Its not a "troll" to use your own jargon. Any comment I make, I only make because I believe it. This site must be a politically corect one when you can't make a comment without someone trying to pigeon hole you.
i hate people who talk in jargon when some people clearly don't understand the meaning. For example in IT usign IT jargon if everyone present is not a member of the IT team! It's like they are trying to show off their knowledge at the expense of those who don't understand!
techman2 said:
OK - if it was not a troll then this is simply bunkum:
I know first and second hand of many single sex work environments in which politics is just as rife as in mixed sex work environments and the exception always disproves the rule. QED.
Er, how exactly does political correctness come into my assumption that you were trolling?
The way around the "half day" callers is never to leave the office with your jacket or your bag/case. Always have a spare jacket which you leave on the back of your chair giving the impression that you are always there! this was advice given by some guy in a famous email a few years ago. Other ones included always having a messy desk,always carry a piece of paper around with you etc etc. I follow these religously now and its amazing how it works.
Found that email.Here it is for those who haven't seen it. Could be used to counter the worst of all office pet hates...WORK!!
1. Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. Have 2 Jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere!
11. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
Words to live by!
1. Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. Have 2 Jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere!
11. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
Words to live by!
sim said:
I used to have a boss who used to keep a spare overcoat which resided full time in his office giving the impression that he was "around" at all times. Godo trick!
I worked with somebody else (another "half day" merchant) who prefaced all his conversations with people with "humourous" banter along the lines "youse boyos are all on the doss again", "slacking off again" etc. etc. He came around to me one day spouting the usual This post will be deleted if not edited to remove bad language and then proceeded to ask me for help on a technical problem. I told him that I would deal with his queries as soon as he started treating people with a bit more respect. He seemed a bit taken aback, beat a hasy retreat and I don't think he ever came near me again after that.