Partner moving in, contribution query

A

alexandra123

Registered User
Messages
281
Hello All,


Just looking for some advice here.

My partner is planning on moving in before christmas.
We have not properly talked about who pays what etc but in conversation the other day, he mentioned that he would pay the electricity and buy some food.

What is the norm out their ?

He is on about 10k more than me. I was thinking that he should be contributing less than me as it is my home but I think his contribution is too small.

Here is my monthly bills
920 mortgage in my own name
50 elec
100 gas (50 at the moment but can see it doubling when he moves in)
35 broadband
50 tv (he already pays this as i wont pay for sky. I would prefer soarview)

Their is other annual bills that I wont include as I don't believe he should be paying towards them like management fees etc


I was hoping that he contributes 400 towards the mortgage and pays the elec which would be 450 a month + his sky is 500 a month. We would then split the shopping. Is that reasonable for am I looking for too much?

I think if he moves in I should be better off financially, not the same or not worse.
 
Do you really want him contributing towards the mortgage and so potentially becoming entitled to a share of the house? Take a read through this.

Set out what all the costs are clearly including annual maintenance, waste disposal / water charges, and ask him what he feels is a fair contribution. If he sticks with the €50 and 'some food', then he's taking advantage of the situation. Sort it our before he moves in and it becomes a source of contention.
 
He sounds like a bit of a cheapskate to be frank.

If you had a house-mate, what would you expect their contribution to be - 50/50 on all the bills?

Rent 450 (this is not a mortgage contribution, he is a renter)
Elec 25 (or 50% if actual is higher)
Gas 75 (or 50% if actual is higher)
Bb 18 (or 50% if actual is higher)
Tot 568 minimum starting point I'd suggest

+50% of
  • TV licence
  • House insurance (his stuff is now insured on it as is he)
  • Water charges if applicable in a MUD
  • Groceries & household costs (detergents, bleach, toilet paper, laundry, etc)

I'd see 700/750 per month as being reasonable
 
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I advise 50% on all utility bills, ensuring he gets appropriate credit for e.g. EUR100 water credit. Apply a fair-market rent based on Daft.ie, take care not to adjust as interest rates change.

Keep your name on most bills. Do not seek reimbursement for insurance; it is not a usual tenant/lodger bill. TV licence would be okay too though to charge (although it could be argued both ways). If you have any gardening bills or are planning extensions/renovations, plan without any help from him.

I appreciate the above all seems cold/clinical etc - so just present him with a market-rate rent and suggest 50% of most bills. That you will cover x y z yourself. Re food, suggest a weekly jar for receipts to be divvied up at the end of the month - there will be wings and roundabouts here (you will pay for beer which likely will be exclusively his, he will pay for more detergents than he ever knew existed!). Again all sounds reasonable and who can argue with any of that. (You will be preserving any ownership rights you have)
 
Interesting post. Another marker (if one were needed) that I am a member of an older generationo_O When the wife moved into my place many years ago we generally shared expenses in accordance with income and it was assumed that we would be likely to stay together and house would ultimately belong to both of us. A "partner" now appears to be a temporary arrangement with everything put on a business footing to cater for the potential break-up. Obviously this is the most business-like way of doing things but somehow seems to place the old "Love" aspect on the "nice to have" but "not necessary" list.

Just musing. No offense to anyone;)
 
I'm with you Brendan. Start as you mean to continue.
Based on reading the OP, I would be more for talking about the relationship and where it is going as opposed to discussing who buys the biscuits.

I think it is a mindset sort of thing. If you start out with mine and his, it will continue. (but that's just me).

Just musing as well - no offense intended.
 
44brendan said:
Interesting post. Another marker (if one were needed) that I am a member of an older generationo_O When the wife moved into my place many years ago we generally shared expenses in accordance with income and it was assumed that we would be likely to stay together and house would ultimately belong to both of us. A "partner" now appears to be a temporary arrangement with everything put on a business footing to cater for the potential break-up. Obviously this is the most business-like way of doing things but somehow seems to place the old "Love" aspect on the "nice to have" but "not necessary" list.

Just musing. No offense to anyone;)
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Were you married when you moved in together? I remember when I was renting first there were quite a few people who would not admit to their parents that they were sharing a house with a boyfriend/girlfriend. That was the mid 90's, which doesn't seem all that long ago. I'm glad it worked out well for you, but there were many people who lost a lot of money this way, and would have been better off treating it like a business transaction!

OP, I would expect him to pay half the going rate for rent for a similar house in the area you live, and half of all bills. What another couple I know did (these were a married couple on similar salaries) was divide the bills between them, and for (I think) 6 months, one of them would pay one set of bills and the other would pay the other set of bills, then they would swop. That way, even if the bills weren't too even, it worked out evenly in the end.

Is your partner renting already? Or is he living at home? Paying the electricity and some food is OK if you are a teenager working part time, but a bit laughable for an adult! I don't know if he's having a laugh, or is just naive, so I would discuss it carefully if I were you, but I would expect him to pay roughly half of expenses. After all, if you decided to rent a place and move in together he wouldn't expect you to pay most of the expenses, would he? And if you took in a lodger you would be much better off than with him?
 
You could take advantage of the rent a room scheme if there are more than 1 bedrooms and try run it as a commercial enterprise side by side with the romantic angle
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;).
 
alexandra123 said:
My partner is planning on moving in before christmas.
We have not properly talked about who pays what etc but in conversation the other day, he mentioned that he would pay the electricity and buy some food.
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You said it yourself Alexandra, "partner is planning on moving in" and "We have not properly talked about who pays what etc". It's the "etc" I'd be more worried about and it appears your partner alone is doing the planning. This sounds like a guy I'd have hated my daughters to have got involved with. At the risk of sounding like Frankie Byrne (of Dear Frankie fame) I'd suggest you terminate the relationship and then listen to Frank Sinatra singing Fly Me to the Moon with the volume turned up.

But, if you are going to suffer on, charge him enough rent, at least.
 
Hi Alexandra. Do not let him away with paying very little. I lived with a girl a few years back, similar position to yourself and I paid about the €700/750 as per mathepacs post. The cheek of him saying he'd pay for electricity and some food! If he's in anyway serious and a decent guy he'll know himself that he should be paying way more than that.
 
Thanks everyone for the response.

Just for an update. We had a chat and he will now not be moving in. It is too expensive to live with me :) He will continue to live for nothing on his mothers floor :)
 
Cant believe this bum thought he could sponge off you and live rent free, throw you a bit of housekeeping money every once in a while. If a girl did that all his mates would be calling her a gold digger!!!! I think Monbretia is right, time to re-evaluate the relationship, maybe find a grown-up for a partner who wont take you for granted!
 
RichInSpirit said:
This thread reminds me of Tina Turner's song "What's love got to do with it" ;)
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44brendan said:
Interesting post. Another marker (if one were needed) that I am a member of an older generationo_O When the wife moved into my place many years ago we generally shared expenses in accordance with income and it was assumed that we would be likely to stay together and house would ultimately belong to both of us. A "partner" now appears to be a temporary arrangement with everything put on a business footing to cater for the potential break-up. Obviously this is the most business-like way of doing things but somehow seems to place the old "Love" aspect on the "nice to have" but "not necessary" list.

Just musing. No offense to anyone;)
Click to expand...

It probably says MUCH more about me than the original posters of these words, that what I took from them is that it is unreasonable to expect someone to pay half of all expenses. Of course, the truth is that it is unreasonable to expect to move in somewhere and pay very little!

Of course I think we all know people, men and women, who have fallen in love and been taken for a ride, which makes getting together with someone and not feeling taken advantage of pretty important...
 
44brendan said:
Interesting post. Another marker (if one were needed) that I am a member of an older generationo_O When the wife moved into my place many years ago we generally shared expenses in accordance with income and it was assumed that we would be likely to stay together and house would ultimately belong to both of us. A "partner" now appears to be a temporary arrangement with everything put on a business footing to cater for the potential break-up. Obviously this is the most business-like way of doing things but somehow seems to place the old "Love" aspect on the "nice to have" but "not necessary" list.

Just musing. No offense to anyone;)
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You quite clearly haven't been watching Judge Judy ! Where it's best to sort out everything in advance in writing.

Having said that I agree with you about it being different back in the day, except in my own case I paid half everything despite being a vastly lower income.
 
G7979 said:
Cant believe this bum thought he could sponge off you and live rent free, throw you a bit of housekeeping money every once in a while. If a girl did that all his mates would be calling her a gold digger!!!! I think Monbretia is right, time to re-evaluate the relationship, maybe find a grown-up for a partner who wont take you for granted!
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Ah come on now he's not a bum, he's still living with Mother and has probably never lived alone before but the OP is warned now not to become a surrogate mother. If his income does not allow him to move in she could consider a lower amount. Say half the utilities, so he learns ! and a low rent, as sharing a bed generally means you wouldn't be paying top rent. Best way for this is she figures out how much is needed weekly so he can learn to budget. My OH when we first lived together at some stage moved from weekly to monthly salary and had a right shock in week two when he had zero in his bank account. After that I did the budgeting and do to this day ! It wasn't funny at the time though zero money !
 
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