We'll i love the bones of him,and vice-versa, i just want him to get on in life. i dont want to struggle if i was to be with him long-term.ie rest of my days..i havent forced his hand over the last 1.5 yrs, and i dont really want to now. But i cant keep going on working hard myself, when my BF doesnt even work..
This comment says it all.
Step back and look at the situation as a stranger (me!) might see it based on details in your posts;
o You are well educated, hard-working and tolerant
o You are ambitious for yourself and your b/f
o You love your b/f
o You want a nice family home with kids
Your b/f is;
o Not ambitious
o Loves you
o Not well educated, though might be fairly street-wise eg undeclared income + social welfare
o Is prepared to let you do everything for him
Is this a two-way relationship or is his love of the dependancy kind. i.e he needs you. Sounds like he
needs to be loved.
What kind of respect does he have for you knowing that you lie for him and allows you to 'carry' him along with a 'sure it'll be grand' attitude ?
Your emotional well-being long-term is going to suffer if you do not take action to address this. Its all very well to stand by him etc ... but how long can you do this ? Imagine if you can, that both of you have two children. How do you think he would cope ? He seems happy to plod along, leaning on you, and your love for him is blinding you to what you know is the right thing to do.
I think MOBs suggestion of a trial separation is a good one - you really need to see how he can cope WITHOUT you - its not final but conditional on him getting a job or course or whatever else you feel would make you want to go back to him. But make it clear what you expect, set a deadline and STICK TO IT.
he family tell me often how much he loves and adores me..
But your future will not be supported by this alone.
Ultimately, only you know what you expect from this relationship. If he expects different things, then maybe it will be time to find someone else to share those expectations, and not to be leaned on all the time. If he will not be 'dragged up' then don't let him 'drag' you down.
The emotions involved make it very hard to take tough decisions but have to be faced.