itsovernow
New Member
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- 8
I'm due to attend Legal Aid Board mediation shortly. I initiated the separation process. My wife has refused to go to earlier mediation, refuses to discuss anything... (she had refused to attend marriage counselling, also). To be clear: I've left the door open to reconciliation, but she has chosen not to take me up on that. In short, I expect mediation to fail and I'm therefore thinking about the next step.
My legal questions:
1. Shared parenting not just "joint legal custody": I earn €67,000; my wife earns €77,000. We both work 4.5-day weeks in permanent, secure professional jobs. Everybody in my sector does the same weekday; my wife requested a half-day in recent years to do childminding (as I do on my half-day). She has the statutory number of holidays off per year; in my sector I have 4.5 months off (most of which I use to look after the kids). She also works longer hours per day. My job is a so-called "caring" profession dealing with children; her job is very much not. In this context, in Irish law, despite being the man would I have any shot at getting 50:50 shared parenting of my children? I realise "joint legal custody" is now common, but I want us both to share the childminding equally - e.g. 4 days (Parent 1) /3 days (Parent 2)/3 days (Parent 1)/ 4 days (Parent 2), etc. The distinction is very important. Shared parenting is very common on the continent, most especially in Belgium and Sweden, and the evidence is strongly supportive of it as the best option for the children. In Ireland both One Parent (2017) and Treoir advocate strongly for it. But how often do Irish courts actually give fathers 50:50 responsibility for parenting? (My youngest child is 5.)
2. Family home: Our house, which is in both our names and for which we each pay 50% of the mortgage, could be sold for c. €800,000. Over the years I have always paid my 50% share, but it has often been a few days late as it's a struggle (the mortgage itself has always been paid on time due to existing funds in the joint account). The outstanding mortgage is €460,000 and there's 21 years left on it. The equity could allow each of us to put a deposit on a new, albeit smaller, place in Dublin. My current monthly mortgage repayment constitutes 36% of my nett monthly income, but my real payment into the joint account (to cover mortgage, property tax, mortgage protection, utility bills only - i.e. monthly food, etc are separate and I pay most of that alone) constitutes 47% of my net monthly income. First, which figure would the court look at? Second, could a court rule that I have to leave the home and survive on 53% of my net income and also pay maintenance for my kids and rent for myself from that 53%? (the idea that I'd have equal rights to my kids while living in poor conditions compared to the comparative castle of our current home sounds risible). In this worst-case scenario, which I'm mulling over far, far too frequently, what would my options be? I'm conscious I need to get off this mortgage to have any shot at being able to offer my kids, and myself, any sort of comparable future.
3. Legal Aid: My application for Legal Aid was rejected. They said I needed a maximum nett income of €18,000. Essentially, the LAB only allow a maximum of €8,000 as an annual mortgage repayment, despite having a clear record of paying more than twice that. Is there any way I can go in front of a judge and point this out and ask him to grant legal aid (which I know is not free, but rather lower cost)? Do I approach a solicitor and ask her/him to do this or what exactly is the process? As I expect to have to progress towards separation/divorce when mediation fails, what are my options in terms of financing legal representation?
4. Circuit Court: I've been informed that in the event of mediation failing, the case would be heard in the circuit court in Dublin, not the district court, so costs will be significantly higher. My wife's family have much deeper pockets... so she has the resources to drag this out for much longer and in essence continue the power dynamic of our relationship which is what I need to end. Just how long could she drag this out, and how can I counter this and bring everything to as quick a conclusion as possible without losing what I feel should be a basic right: the ability to have an equal right to raise my children and an equal right to provide a comparable home for them?
5. Finding a good family law solicitor: In this sort of case, does it matter if I hire a female or male solicitor? As I don't know anybody who has gone through this process, would anybody who has have recommendations for capable solicitors? Are particular solicitors better known in particular court areas? How do I find out what court my case will be in, and then the family law solicitors who are familiar with the judges of the circuit court in that part of Dublin? I don't want to get somebody who has not got a sense of the moods and judgements of the judges in question. Thank you.
My legal questions:
1. Shared parenting not just "joint legal custody": I earn €67,000; my wife earns €77,000. We both work 4.5-day weeks in permanent, secure professional jobs. Everybody in my sector does the same weekday; my wife requested a half-day in recent years to do childminding (as I do on my half-day). She has the statutory number of holidays off per year; in my sector I have 4.5 months off (most of which I use to look after the kids). She also works longer hours per day. My job is a so-called "caring" profession dealing with children; her job is very much not. In this context, in Irish law, despite being the man would I have any shot at getting 50:50 shared parenting of my children? I realise "joint legal custody" is now common, but I want us both to share the childminding equally - e.g. 4 days (Parent 1) /3 days (Parent 2)/3 days (Parent 1)/ 4 days (Parent 2), etc. The distinction is very important. Shared parenting is very common on the continent, most especially in Belgium and Sweden, and the evidence is strongly supportive of it as the best option for the children. In Ireland both One Parent (2017) and Treoir advocate strongly for it. But how often do Irish courts actually give fathers 50:50 responsibility for parenting? (My youngest child is 5.)
2. Family home: Our house, which is in both our names and for which we each pay 50% of the mortgage, could be sold for c. €800,000. Over the years I have always paid my 50% share, but it has often been a few days late as it's a struggle (the mortgage itself has always been paid on time due to existing funds in the joint account). The outstanding mortgage is €460,000 and there's 21 years left on it. The equity could allow each of us to put a deposit on a new, albeit smaller, place in Dublin. My current monthly mortgage repayment constitutes 36% of my nett monthly income, but my real payment into the joint account (to cover mortgage, property tax, mortgage protection, utility bills only - i.e. monthly food, etc are separate and I pay most of that alone) constitutes 47% of my net monthly income. First, which figure would the court look at? Second, could a court rule that I have to leave the home and survive on 53% of my net income and also pay maintenance for my kids and rent for myself from that 53%? (the idea that I'd have equal rights to my kids while living in poor conditions compared to the comparative castle of our current home sounds risible). In this worst-case scenario, which I'm mulling over far, far too frequently, what would my options be? I'm conscious I need to get off this mortgage to have any shot at being able to offer my kids, and myself, any sort of comparable future.
3. Legal Aid: My application for Legal Aid was rejected. They said I needed a maximum nett income of €18,000. Essentially, the LAB only allow a maximum of €8,000 as an annual mortgage repayment, despite having a clear record of paying more than twice that. Is there any way I can go in front of a judge and point this out and ask him to grant legal aid (which I know is not free, but rather lower cost)? Do I approach a solicitor and ask her/him to do this or what exactly is the process? As I expect to have to progress towards separation/divorce when mediation fails, what are my options in terms of financing legal representation?
4. Circuit Court: I've been informed that in the event of mediation failing, the case would be heard in the circuit court in Dublin, not the district court, so costs will be significantly higher. My wife's family have much deeper pockets... so she has the resources to drag this out for much longer and in essence continue the power dynamic of our relationship which is what I need to end. Just how long could she drag this out, and how can I counter this and bring everything to as quick a conclusion as possible without losing what I feel should be a basic right: the ability to have an equal right to raise my children and an equal right to provide a comparable home for them?
5. Finding a good family law solicitor: In this sort of case, does it matter if I hire a female or male solicitor? As I don't know anybody who has gone through this process, would anybody who has have recommendations for capable solicitors? Are particular solicitors better known in particular court areas? How do I find out what court my case will be in, and then the family law solicitors who are familiar with the judges of the circuit court in that part of Dublin? I don't want to get somebody who has not got a sense of the moods and judgements of the judges in question. Thank you.