Who Pays for funeral?

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aido71

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Hopefully wont be addressing this issue anytime soon but just looking for some feedback. My mother approaching 80 and health only so/so. Fiercely independent and sharp as a tack but physically not so. Unfortunately (and am sure will come to us all) not ready to admit she needs more help and some difficult conversations to be had re her future care. Anyhow got me thinking re her inevitable demise. Realise that if she dropped dead right now not one of us know anything about her affairs (bank accounts etc). I know she has a will made (made 25yrs ago when my dad was ill but no idea if looked at since) but not even sure who the solicitors are! Difficult subject to broach without seeming to be wishing her demise (not an easy woman to talk to). BTW not talking much here and personally have no interest in family home etc. But that aside my specific question is in relation to funeral costs. How does the "estate" pay for these? As it can take time for probate etc obviously funeral directors wont wait til then. So how are funds released to executor? Or does family just pay it and recoup later? Searched on here and a few threads but nothing clear.
I would like all these things to be talked about but in good old Irish family tradition no one wants to mention it!! My sister gets upset if I bring up the subject of Mothers death!! Cant seem to get my siblings to understand that talking now could avert aggro later!
 
Funeral costs can be paid out of her account but little else until probate is sorted out. Her account will be frozen.
 
Hi, once your mum passes you will probably source a bank statement lying around the house. Or just go to the bank where she dealt with if you know which one. Once you produce a death Cert and the funeral bill, the bank can issue a bank draft payable to the funeral director. This can all be done before probate is sorted.
It is a good idea to try and broach the subject however. My mil died but had everything sorted with solicitor beforehand as she was terminally ill. Then my mum died. God love her she had told me that she had enough saved for hers and dad's funerals :(. It was easier to access her money as dad was next of kin and just signed forms from bank to transfer her balance. She had no will but did not have enough money for it to have to go through probate. Then dad died and as his balance was over the threshold to simply transfer funds, the bank have advised me to go in and get a draft when the bill arrives.
Maybe you could ask who her solicitor is and let on you are thinking of doing your own will. It might open up a conversation about things. It is a stressful time when a parent dies and you really can do without the hassle of financial worries when it happens.
 
Hi. Dont worry about funeral costs as the solicitor handling the estate is lawfully entitled to havefunds released to pay the undertaker. Usually what happens is you get the final account and bank details for the funeral director. The solicitor will then authorise the bank to transfer payment.

As regards everything else I would strongly recommend finding out where the will is kept and which solicitor was dealing with the matter. It should be easy to locate bank accouns from a perusal of post coming to the house etc.
If your sister gets upset show her a few of the cases posted here disputed wills and she will soon realise the need to have the matter broached. Also if your Mam is as independent and sharp as you say she might welcome someone sorting things out with her full cooperation
 
Why not ask your mum would she like to move to online banking and offer to help. I introduced my mother to it a long time back but she was willing to divulge her accounts to me at the time. As mentioned above she may welcome the idea.
 
Maybe when you go on holidays yourself ask your Mom if you could leave an envelope with details of your financial affairs with her just in case something happens to you while you are away. This might lead to the discussion opening up a bit.
 
My mum (in her ninety's) sprained her wrist and wasn't able to write for a while, so I suggested getting a family member to be co-signature. This opened up discussion, sorted out her affairs and she went on to write out even her funeral wishes.
I made my first will many years ago when children were young. This has been updated since and a list of assets (not huge) attached and power of attorney in place.
I don't understand why people have a problem dealing with their affairs when they are young and healthy. Do not leave a mess behind for family to clear up!
 
Most elderly people are practical about their affairs and don't want to leave a mess. However you need to get your siblings on board in case one or more of them have issues around any will when the time comes.
Most funeral directors out in the country are practical and reasonable about the bill, when I buried my Dad a few years ago I had to chase them to bill me.

Maybe the initial discussion with your siblings needs to be less about death and more about what happens if your Mam has to go into hospital or a nursing home, especially if her health is not great now. Who will pay and cover those costs, is she likely to be entitled to the Fair Deal scheme etc?. Fear of having to pay a share of a bill now rather then inheiriting something in the future might focus their minds
 
Just an update.... brought up subject with our mum and she surprised us all by being very open to discussing death and will etc..., turns out she has already made provisions for her funeral.....re the will have an appointment made with solicitor to review. As feared she had made some provision for family home to be made available in her words "for any of us that needs a home".... no idea what that means but along with my siblings have convinced her to just will it to our younger brother as the rest of us have own homes and financial stable. She wanted to leave us something so instead convinced her to instead leave bequests to her grandsons ( my kids).... not a fortune but a nice kick starter for them.....I misjudged the woman as she turned out very practical and seemed glad we brought subject up. Hopefully won't be revisiting this for many years but good to be sorted. Tks for all replies and advice. Hopefully we avoiding the horror stories that I have read on here!
 
That's wonderful and great that everyone's happy about it. It's sad that so many brothers and sisters and family members fall out over what each perceive to be an injustice. Well done you too.
 
leave bequests to her grandsons
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Speaking from personal experience, you might also want to think about the impact a bequest might have if it occurs when your children are officially adults i.e 18 years old but perhaps not yet mature enough to put the money to good use.
 
Slightly offside of topic but many Credit Unions offer free (or nominally priced) Death Benefit Insurance to members to cover funeral costs. Our local one requires a balance of 500 euro be in the deceased's account at time of death and will pay up to 3,000 euro toward the funeral. They paid out for both my Dad and Mum and it was a big help. Lots of CUs scaled back or abolished the cover during the recession but plenty still offer it too.
 
While at the moment your youngest brother may not be set up with a home, he may well be by the time your mother passes. Do you all think you will be happy then when he inherits the home place, possibly sells it and the rest of you don't see a cent of the proceeds? I recall my father mentioning my youngest sibling would probably get the house as she wasn't married. This was years ago. She didn't even live at home. In later years after my mother died, we suggested he revise his will, even though it turned out he hadn't that specified in it at all. By the time he died all of us were settled with houses and I daresay it would have caused upset if the youngest had been left the house at that point as they never would have moved into it.
 
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