Wedding present - no 'thank you'?

I find it outrageous that people couldn't be bothered to send Thank You cards
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Who says it was a bother? In our case we made a concious decision not to send them as we felt it was wholly unnecessary, it wasnt the "bother" of either time, effort or cost that stopped us.


So i will let you in on my little mantra i had going when i was planning my wedding day: Those who mind won't matter and those who matter won't mind.
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A fine saying and one that was said to us by my mother when the topic arose about whether we should send thank you cards. Id consider her to be a very mannerly person so I'll take my lead from that.
In fact, by the off chance youre her, I'll be round later for tea, I'll have my favorite steak pie and chips.
 
car said:
In our case we made a concious decision not to send them as we felt it was wholly unnecessary
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Why did you feel it was wholly unnecessary? Did you do something else in its place? I can see how christmas cards and valentine cards are wholly unnecessary but I do see a purpose in thank you cards, not only to show gratitude but to acknowledge the gift was received safely. In the case of money gifts we received I also used the thank you card as an opportunity to let the sender know how we spent the money, that was a personal choice and not necessary as such.
 
car said:
Who says it was a bother? In our case we made a concious decision not to send them as we felt it was wholly unnecessary, it wasnt the "bother" of either time, effort or cost that stopped us.
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I'm also curious - why did you feel it was unnecessary?
Is it not common curtsy to thank someone for their actions?
 
I'm also curious - why did you feel it was unnecessary?
Is it not common curtsy to thank someone for their actions?
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I felt it was unnecessary as yes it is courtesy to thank someone for a gift, but is a card the only way you can thank someone?

Im curious now, do you send thank you cards for any birthday and christmas presents? If not, why not?
 
I agree with you Car as it is a lot more personalised to thank each person personallly with a phone call or email without having to send a card.
 
fobs said:
I agree with you Car as it is a lot more personalised to thank each person personallly with a phone call or email without having to send a card.
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couldn't agree more, my gripe is when people don't thank you eithre by way of card/phone call/email/text message etc
 


In fairness, nobody asked you to get married. You decided to do that yourself, so why would anyone thank you for agreeing to marry each other?

I have 2 more weddings to attend this year and after that, all my friends are married. I am single and for the last 5 years, I have had to cough up substantial sums of money on my own going to these things. I would expect a thank you card as a minimum. When I get married, probably many years from now, i will certainly do it.
 
In fairness, nobody asked you to get married. You decided to do that yourself, so why would anyone thank you for agreeing to marry each other?
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I didnt want, need or expect a thank you for getting married nor for the very expensive day out, which was what I was referring to.

I have had to cough up substantial sums of money on my own going to these things
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.
If "coughing up money" bothers you, then dont go.

I would expect a thank you card as a minimum.
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You expect a thank you card as a minimum? I find this gross. If any of my guests had said this to me after out wedding, their present or value of would have been returned in full. I say "thank you" the way I want to say "thank you" to someone. Not the way the other person wants me to.

When I get married, probably many years from now, i will certainly do it.
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Each to their own.
 
ok so basically - as long as you communicate you thanks by either
a) card
b)email
c) phonecall
d) face to face..........
then yes I think its ok.

But Car you just said you didnt bother - is it that you didnt feel the need to thank or you didnt feel the need to send a card to thank people? If the latter & you thanked them personally then fair enough. If the first well then you lack basic manners & I wouldnt bother arguing with you.

To get back to the original poster - if you bought the present from the wedding list then ring the shop & check that it got sent. Otherwise just ask the couple.....
 
It was a family wedding. Extravagant, over the top. More for the brides parents than the bride. In family I mean, we see them at funerals where they are very friendly, then silence until the next funeral. The groom had a big family so the bride needed to make up numbers. A number of phone calls before the wedding, silence after the wedding. It was a 50/50 decision whether to go to the wedding or not. In hindsight, probably a wrong decision. Went for the bride and groom but not for the parents sake. If people don't want to go to a wedding what do you say? Be truthful.
 
I think if someone took the time a trouble to buy a gift you should take the trouble to send them a thank you. It's expensive to go to a wedding these days. I know people lead busy lives but you took the time to organise your wedding didn't you? I wrote cards as gifts arrived and posted them the day we were going on honeymoon and wrote the remainder when we got back. I disagree with fobs - that people worrying about a missing card have little to worry about. Good manners don't cost much!
 
i had all the best intentions when we got married to send Thank You cards out to all guests, i still have them in packets!

I did give them to my aunts and to the country folk and i tried to thank as many people face to face as i could - time got in the way we had just moved into our new house etc.

anyway i feel bad about it, i wished that i had of sent them out, now its too late, i am married a year next month!

hopefully the fact that in the speeches we thanked everyone for coming and their lovely presents - this would have been enough?
 
Well, I too suffer terribly from procrastination. My sister got married six years ago. I didn't send a card accepting the invitation since she knew I was going. I found out just after the wedding that she was really disappointed that so few people sent cards as she had even bought a little box to keep them in. Knowing this I bought a lovely card to send her as a thank you for a lovely day. It sat there for a few months, then it was Christmas and then I thought I'd give it to her as a first anniversary card. Still have that card sitting in a box at home. Am always full of good intentions but never seem to get around to doing those nice little things for people. If I do manage to write a card or letter it invariably ends up spending at least a week at the bottom of my bag until I remember to put a stamp on it and post it.
 
But Car you just said you didnt bother
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I did not say that. I said we didnt send cards.

ok so basically - as long as you communicate you thanks by either
a) card
b)email
c) phonecall
d) face to face..........
then yes I think its ok.
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Ah so once you say SAY thanks then its ok. This is what Ive been saying all along, why does it take a subsequent card to say thanks as well as when I said thanks at the wedding, or the day after the wedding in the hotel lobby when I said thanks or whenever I next met the guests and said thanks again.

I think people fall into 2 groups here, youre either for cards or youre not. You are. Im not. Its not a manners thing.
 
I actually feel that perhaps we're talking about two different points here car. Personally, someone saying "thanks" before they've even seen the present strikes me as a little insincere. But maybe that's just me. However, when you next meet the guests, you'll know what they got you, so that's fine.
 
Keep going CAR, soon you will be able to justify what you did or should I say didn't do. Lyndan's post certainly helped you out there, eh?
 
Keep going CAR, soon you will be able to justify what you did or should I say didn't do. Lyndan's post certainly helped you out there, eh?
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Sorry, I didnt want the thread turning into a justification for whether I personally sent cards or not.

Your originally asked
she has never received a "thank you" note from the bride or groom. Is this the norm?
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I was trying to offer my own experience of what we did for our wedding. I havent slated anyone else for sending them but I seem to be on the back foot here for having not sent them.

Yes, Lyndans post does back what Ive been saying about once the thanks are offered in some format then that should suffice. Id count the send/not send posts in here to work out what the norm is.
 
Car-
I must have read your post incorrectly too because I gathered from your post that you didn't thank anyone - with or without cards. If you did thank them in person/email/tel or other then fine - but I also take on board Sun Sparks point about thanking someone before you've even looked at the present or in the hotel lobby then next morning. IMO (for what it's worth and I'm now saying that one HAS to do this) I wouldn't think much of a thank you in the hotel lobby. I would think the very least the bride & groom could do is telephone, email or send a card to their guest. My other half isn't "into" cards either but totally accepts that it would be rude not to thank our guests - in our case, we will be doing so by sending a personal card to each guest. Each to their own.
 
My other half isn't "into" cards either but totally accepts that it would be rude not to thank our guests - in our case, we will be doing so by sending a personal card to each guest. Each to their own.
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If you say each to their own why keep slagging off CAr for his/her choice?
If you feel it necessary/polite/ etc.. to send cards then do likewise if someone else disagress with you then...as you say "to each their own"!

If people are so hung up on the correct way to be thanked then they were obviously not too good friends with the bride/groom to start with!
 
sorry just to add, we had recieved a lot of presents before the wedding so when thanking people we were actually thanking them for the gifts we recieved.

after that, i tried to personally thank everyone when i saw them after the wedding...

Anyway, what could have been...
 
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