Wedding present - no 'thank you'?

Was invited to a wedding once and on the invitation it said 'xxxx and yyyy have been living together for so long that they already have everything they need, so would be grateful if you could 'lodge' your gift to the account of xxxxx and this will help with the honeymoon'. Two weeks later received a follow up letter (on the same stationery!!) to say 'circumstances have changed and as we now have a joint account please lodge to the account of xxxx and yyyyy at blah bah bank'.

Personally the thought of wedding lists and asking for ANYTHING is gross..but thats just me.....I didn't attend the above wedding...They were more work colleagues than friends...
 
Probably against the grain here but I say hallmark days bedamned.
At my wedding they got the proverbial beef or salmon, a bottle of wine and a day out and we got all the usual pressies. the average pressie we got was probably worth in the region of £50, and it cost us more then that to put on the day for the people who attended.
We didnt send out thank you cards and we didnt get any card thanking us for the day out.
Has anyone who got married ever got a thank you card saying thanks for the great day out? and if you did, did you send a thank you card back for them sending that card? etc, etc,etc...
 
As much of a money making racket as thank you cards and the like are, I think courtesy outweighs expense, extenuating circumstances aside. I attended a wedding and posted my bank draft plus card after wedding and only got a thank you about a year after the event....I thought it may have got lost in the post and considering I work with the groom, I was embarrassed at the notion that he might think I had been too cheap to buy gift/give money! Turned out, he was too rude to thank me to me face after receiving it!!

Recently saw one of those show me the money programmes, where Eddie suggested the couple (who were near broke) increase the amount of people invited to the wedding as odds of getting more cash off them was greater!! When I get married, I will only invite people because I want them there, because I can afford to have them there, and because having a party in my, I mean our, honour is the most narcissistic thing one can do! The least I can do is thank people afterwards, fairly promptly, for stepping out of my limelight for the day and perhaps even giving a gift as well!!!! I certainly won’t be expecting people to thank me for inviting them nor will I be counting up how much they spent on me versus how much I spent on them!!!
 
Is that an observation or a complaint?
 
car said:
the average pressie we got was probably worth in the region of £50, and it cost us more then that to put on the day for the people who attended.

..
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Of course it cost you more, you were hosting the wedding so you have to pay for it.

You didn't your expect that the guests at YOUR wedding would pay for YOUR wedding did you?!
 
Brodiebabe,
but people do expect us to pay for their weddings, that's why the guest list is so big these days. In my neck of the woods, presents are not wanted, it's got to be cash, and not just a small amount either. I know of people who will run a mile if they get an invitation. Suddenly people are very busy on that day. Think of the expense, a new outfit, travel to wedding and probably overnight accommodation. Who wants that? It's time weddings were kept simple, and not all to do with money.
 
I and spouse did our wedding invites on a pc. They looked fine.

We typed up the mass book ourselves. It looked fine. Actually, we forgot to get them copied and bound until the morning of the wedding, so ended up with only seven or eight of them. That was enough to cover anyone who had to do a reading, and it forced everone else to listen, so that was fine.

Wedding dress was home-made by sister in law; it was fine; beautiful actually

All flowers by mother - who recited her design mantra that "less is more", and they looked fine.

Aunt bought the wedding wine on a trip to France for about stg.£85. It was fine - mind you no two tables had the same wine, but sure what harm.

We invited about 160. A number of them said that it was the best crack wedding they had been at in years. They were right.

I have no idea what total budget was, but I suspect it came in at less than £6k in old money. The conspicuous consumption which is (apparently) so common these days is a real waste. I am all for people spending their money as they see fit, but I very much suspect that those people who spend a small fortune making sure every detail is "just right" ultimately find their wedding day a touch anticlimactic. I find it hard to believe that you can get €500 of enjoyment from a fancy invitation, €2000 of enjoyment from OTT flowers, €10,000 of enjoyment from a designer dress etc..., but each to his\her own.
 
Gunnerbar said:
Well there's no need to brag. Jeesh
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Gotta add (after comment about 700 euro on cards and all the Hallmark comments) that I bought beautiful cards (handpainting on leaves depicting Indian scenes for very little) and wrote a meaningful note in many (the ones where I got meaningful presents!). The cost was minimal. Our wedding invitations were handmade and cheap.

What am I trying to say? GOd only knows!
 
the average pressie we got was probably worth in the region of £50, and it cost us more then that to put on the day for the people who attended.
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no complaint. none at all.
At the time, we hadnt received thank you cards for the pressies we'd brought to the 3 or 4 weddings we'd been to that year from our friends, nor had we expected them. When someone close to us said to us about 6 months later that they thought it was bad form they hadnt got a thank you card, we asked a few people what they thought. The general concensus was that we put on a great day, it was a wedding, people brought pressies and that was that. Mulling it over, we were happy enough with our decision not to send them. Mrs car and I just didnt see what the fuss was about sending thank you cards. We still dont, but each to their own.

Of course it cost you more, you were hosting the wedding so you have to pay for it.
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Yes, and no problem with it, and it was a wedding and you bring a present. So who says what the done thing is about sending a thank you card for the pressie? Noone sent us a thank you card for the day out we gave. Where does it end? thank you cards card for thank you cards? Hallmark days.
 
Except in our case with Brown Thomas we were asked to choose a gift from a website linked to the bride and grooms gift list. Brown Thomas posted the gift and all we got was a debit to a credit card. The gift list was in the range €200 to €1000. I am now wondering did the bride and groom actually get the gift or if they got the gift and it was at the lower end of the mentioned price range were they disappointed?
Incidentally, would it take a couple an evening maybe a weekend to sit down and post out some thank you notes. Probably less time than it would have taken to choose the flowers for the occassion?
 
How about people who come to weddings and every time you see them, they say' oh I have your wedding present at home, or in second home, in other car, etc, etc,' its now 8 month later and still no sign. Just as rude in my books
 
E200 minimum for the present seems outrageous. I've been to three weddings in the past year and didn't get a thank you card for any. All three were good friends and all came up to thank me for the presents. They spent enough on the wedding, why should they have to shell out for cards too?
 
Getting married myself in 2months so interested in this post - I find it outrageous that people couldn't be bothered to send Thank You cards (I'm obviously excluding people with extenuating circumstances) As for the cost of them and the price of €700 - did you invite 350people? If not, can't understand how they would cost that much. Consider the time and effort that your guests have put into attending your wedding - time off work, babysitter, new outfit, present, card, RSVP card, accomodation, stag/hen, etc, etc. We estimated that the last wedding we attended cost us about €1200! So the very least the Bride & Groom can do is forward a Thank You card - basic manners - didn't your dear mothers insist you thank your relatives for their present & card? Why should this be different.

I don't particularly mind gift lists - I think a lot of guests (especially relations) find them quite useful. It can be a bit forward to include a card with the invite (IMO best to leave the details with the mothers) and it's essential to included items at both ends of the spectrum.

I find the inclusion of bank account details obnoxious & rude.
 
I was at a wedding at the weekend. The priest thanked everyone for coming, commenting that these days getting a wedding invitation is like getting a summons. Weddings grow more narcissistic by the year. So much for two people committing to each other for life.
"Oh, don't look at me! DON'T LOOK AT ME! I am over here, Oh stop looking at me!"
BTW - I did enjoy the wedding as the couple were close friends - almost family. But some of the attitudes today towards weddings make me vomit. Guests are invited to worship, not for a party. If it were just a party then why not throw a party instead of a wedding and have a free bar?
 
I did actually get a good few thank you letters from guests who attended my wedding as we had such a good day!
 
I don't understand why people could object to the time and/or money involved in sending thank you cards. As above, unless you invite many hundreds of people the time and money aren't going to be huge and it is just basic good manners to say thank you when someone gives you a gift.

Having said that, I have a feeling that Mrs Zag would have had more input into the sending of the cards (just like Christmas cards, birthday cards, etc . . . every year) than me, but I just couldn't see myself objecting to the idea of thanking someone for their gift. Same goes for thank you cards for baby presents.

We never thought of the amount of money we would receive from our guests and we *never* thought ill of someone who spent £20 on their present instead of the £200 they might have afforded.

I think I must be turning into an old fogey if some of the comments above are representative of the way 'young people' these days think about weddings - it sounds like they regard the day as being a commercial transaction, with people who fail to pay for their own entertainment being considered rude and inconsiderate, an excuse for everyone to become incapable of driving home with people who host weddings in locations without sufficient accommodation nearby also being considered inconsiderate. What happened to the idea of the reception being a time for your friends to help you celebrate what is supposed to be one of the best days of your life ?

z
 
shnaek - just to be clear - I accept that the religious ceremony is supposed to be solemn (yet joyfull), but the reception afterwards is supposed to be a party/celebration of the event.

bahman - we also got a few thank you cards from guests, but not a whole lot. Getting them did add to what we took from the day.

z
 
I suppose I hadn't thought about thank you cards for attending. Good point, and something I will consider in the future.

As for the suggestion that it's a Hallmark thing. I would have been happy with a little handwritten note, a (personalised) e-mail or a quick call. Just something to say look we noted what you bought for us and we appreciated it.
 
grizzy - its all in the circumstances - you are dead right that due to a posh no expense spared bash you should definately have recieved a thank you you note - thats must my opinion though.

Question to all you rude folks - have you no Mother in law to shame you into sending them?????

Got married in September and I decided i would TY cards with my new house / address cards (christmas cards if it got that late!) and darling MIL rang to tell us we should not send them as there was a death in de hubbies family - we sent them to my lot anyway as we bought them and some to hubbies younger cousins who all gave us cash gifts.
If me bould strap didn't bring up the " are you sure you sent x a thank you card only i think she never got one" there lately / 6 months after the wedding. I know i sent x one (even though MIL specifically requested we didn't send any) but you just can't win.

So i will let you in on my little mantra i had going when i was planning my wedding day: Those who mind won't matter and those who matter won't mind.
 
Why not order the Thank You cards when you are ordering the initial Invitatations and RSVP's. Its another job done ages before the big day!

An e-mail or a call also works but something has to be done!
 
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