Wedding invitation etiquette..
- Thread starter Calico
- Start date
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Guest111
Guest
I think it would depend on how close you are to the couple
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Guest111
Guest
Then, if it were me I would just RSVP and not send a gift.
So they would think enough of you to invite you (and you would bring a present, presumably?) but if you can't make it, you wouldn't think enough of them to send them one?
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Guest111
Guest
So they would think enough of you to invite you (and you would bring a present, presumably?) but if you can't make it, you wouldn't think enough of them to send them one?
The OP said that he/she was not particularly close to the couple and was quite taken aback to be invited.
If someone I was "not particularly close to" invited me to their wedding and I was "in fact surprised to be invited" I would not send them a gift if I was not attending the wedding. I probably wouldn't go at all
But that's you expressing your intention not to go at all. The OP seemed to imply that he/she would have gone had it not been for the pre-arranged holiday.
I just think if it was a wedding invitation that you would have intended accepting, whether or not you actually can attend should not influence the customary buying of a gift for that wedding.
Why on earth would you think that a gift is to offset the costs that the bride and groom incur??
The world is turning into such an awful place with attitudes like that. For me if i give someone a gift it is because i like them and because i want to give them a gift. Im not saying that cash gifts are unwelcome by the bride and groom or that they don't help to ease the pain a little. I just feel that it is a really bad attitude to have. How does a new painting or other gift of that type offset the costs incurred by the bride and groom? Weddings are turning into a chore for guests in my opinion. If the bride and groom cannot afford the wedding then they shouldn't have such a lavish affair.
Having said all that i do tend to give cash gifts if the bride and groom are already living together as they don't need anything else. It is just the whole idea that cash would be expected in order to offset costs that is a bit disgusting.
To answer the OP question, i would do whatever feels right to you. If it was me and i was quite surprised to be invited then it would suggest that you are not such great friends with this couple and therefore a very small gift would suffice. Don't feel under any pressure.
The world is turning into such an awful place with attitudes like that. For me if i give someone a gift it is because i like them and because i want to give them a gift. Im not saying that cash gifts are unwelcome by the bride and groom or that they don't help to ease the pain a little. I just feel that it is a really bad attitude to have. How does a new painting or other gift of that type offset the costs incurred by the bride and groom? Weddings are turning into a chore for guests in my opinion. If the bride and groom cannot afford the wedding then they shouldn't have such a lavish affair.
Having said all that i do tend to give cash gifts if the bride and groom are already living together as they don't need anything else. It is just the whole idea that cash would be expected in order to offset costs that is a bit disgusting.
To answer the OP question, i would do whatever feels right to you. If it was me and i was quite surprised to be invited then it would suggest that you are not such great friends with this couple and therefore a very small gift would suffice. Don't feel under any pressure.
I agree. Being guided by etiquette or what others might do (which obviously varies so much) is pointless. Have the courage of your own convictions and make your own mind up on the matter.
Just a reality imho that as increasing number of couples prefer cash as a present,that part of the reason for this is to pay for increasingly expensive wedding days.
Weddings have always been expensive.
I feel it takes the good out of giving a gift when there is so much expected from people. I know that i invited some people to my wedding knowing that they didn't have alot of money and was perfectly happy not to expect a gift from them as what i really wanted was for them to share the day. Anyway i am fairly sure this has been battled out in previous threads so ill finish up there on this topic! My main point is really for the OP to decide on how they feel about these people and go with what is right for them.
I feel it takes the good out of giving a gift when there is so much expected from people. I know that i invited some people to my wedding knowing that they didn't have alot of money and was perfectly happy not to expect a gift from them as what i really wanted was for them to share the day. Anyway i am fairly sure this has been battled out in previous threads so ill finish up there on this topic! My main point is really for the OP to decide on how they feel about these people and go with what is right for them.
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lorna
Guest
my brother has nicknamed wedding invites as "a summons !".
for him being a self employed farm contractor, he loses a fortune for two days at least (one to attend and one to recover). new outfits and hairdressers for his wife - 200 euros at least, maybe even stay over in the hotel 100 euros at least, 150 euros seems to be the going rate as a gift, beer money 200 euros at least, babysitting fees 50 euros and it goes on ! that's 1000 euros so far which includes loss of earnings and thats without going mad !
and no he is neither a tight git or a misery just the average Joe trying to make a living.
my cousin had her wedding recently, it cost just under 40,000 for 340 guests and it was a two day affair and it was actually nothing outrageous for the money.
she now has a 15,000 debt to pay off on top of building her own home.
for him being a self employed farm contractor, he loses a fortune for two days at least (one to attend and one to recover). new outfits and hairdressers for his wife - 200 euros at least, maybe even stay over in the hotel 100 euros at least, 150 euros seems to be the going rate as a gift, beer money 200 euros at least, babysitting fees 50 euros and it goes on ! that's 1000 euros so far which includes loss of earnings and thats without going mad !
and no he is neither a tight git or a misery just the average Joe trying to make a living.
my cousin had her wedding recently, it cost just under 40,000 for 340 guests and it was a two day affair and it was actually nothing outrageous for the money.
she now has a 15,000 debt to pay off on top of building her own home.
miselemeas
Registered User
- Messages
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As OPs have pointed out, the final decision is up to you obviously but I expect you are just curious to see what others would do.
If I was in your position, I would feel priviliged to be invited and would happily give a gift as a gesture of goodwill, but that's just me!
If I was in your position, I would feel priviliged to be invited and would happily give a gift as a gesture of goodwill, but that's just me!
From my own experience- People whom we thought enough of to invite and couldn't make the wedding, most RSVP'ed with a Card and gift.
I was personally put out at those that didn't bother to acknowledge the wedding with even a card.
For me in this situation I would certainly RSVP, then send a card nearer the time of the wedding with a small token/gift, a picture frame, meal voucher, some momento for the couple.
I was personally put out at those that didn't bother to acknowledge the wedding with even a card.
For me in this situation I would certainly RSVP, then send a card nearer the time of the wedding with a small token/gift, a picture frame, meal voucher, some momento for the couple.