Wedding Costs

portboy said:

you see, Aimee is right, had best of everything and didn't scrimp on anything and had a ball...exactly what I have been saying all the way along. Long live Aimee and her type

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Not everybody would enjoy the type of wedding that Aimee describes. Fair play to her for having a ball and spending the money she had saved for the big day.

What you have been saying all along is more money = better wedding, and while this may apply to you there are other people who would prefer to have a different type of wedding and spend less money.

portboy said:

I'm sorry, but you cant do a 'proper' wedding on €8k.

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So, if I just can't afford more then that, you're saying I can't have a 'proper' wedding?

we spent the weekend looking at our options, I'd like a small wedding at home, but bf's family is just too big, there is no way it could be small. If we did the traditional set up here we reckoned 30 grand for 200 people without a honeymoon. I personally couldn't spend that, we are good savers and probably could get the money together but I couldn't do it for 1 day and have 100 people there I barely know. So it looks like we are going to try do it in Rome and invite immediate family and close friends so maybe 30/40 people. While we don't want to push costs onto our guests we feel with rome its accessible for a weekend for people. Also our close friends and family will come if they can. If we give enough notice they can get cheap flights, we'll cover meal and all drink at the reception. I don't have any costs yet but looks like it'll be a fraction of the Irish set up. I reckon it'll be under 10 grand all in, honeymoon too. For me not into lots of fuss, want to marry my boy and have the people who matter with us. Do people think its wrong to ask people come away or is it a case that if people like you enough they will want to be there and enjoy it?

pc7 said:

we spent the weekend looking at our options, I'd like a small wedding at home, but bf's family is just too big, there is no way it could be small. If we did the traditional set up here we reckoned 30 grand for 200 people without a honeymoon. I personally couldn't spend that, we are good savers and probably could get the money together but I couldn't do it for 1 day and have 100 people there I barely know. So it looks like we are going to try do it in Rome and invite immediate family and close friends so maybe 30/40 people. While we don't want to push costs onto our guests we feel with rome its accessible for a weekend for people. Also our close friends and family will come if they can. If we give enough notice they can get cheap flights, we'll cover meal and all drink at the reception. I don't have any costs yet but looks like it'll be a fraction of the Irish set up. I reckon it'll be under 10 grand all in, honeymoon too. For me not into lots of fuss, want to marry my boy and have the people who matter with us. Do people think its wrong to ask people come away or is it a case that if people like you enough they will want to be there and enjoy it?

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Myself and DH were in this situation too. I have a large family and they would all have to have been invited to the wedding. 200 people @ €60 a head (min) = €12,000 for reception alone.
We got married in Dubrovnik last year. We invited immediate family and close friends. We did discuss it with our families first and they were happy with it. After that we didnt formally invite people we let them know what we were doing and that they were welcome to come but no pressure. In the end we had 26 guests (8 immediate family, rest close family and friends). We looked up affordable accom and flights for people and different packages (7 nights or 2 nights).
Our reception was in a beautiful 5* hotel costing about €150 a head (incl food, wine,champagne reception).= €4,000
A week in that hotel for us and another hotel in Tenerife for another week = €5,000.
Band - €1,000
Photographer - €400
Flowers - €400
Boat trip from church to hotel - €500, cars/coach to church - €400
Church- €300
Paperwork - €300
Rings - €1,000
Add on another approx €4,000 for dress,bridesmaids,suits, etc.
Probably in total about €17,000. We had a ball, i cant recommend it enough, its was a small but intimate wedding, exactly what we wanted, it was relaxed and stressfree. The hotel provide the services of a wedding planner in the cost, she was a Godsend especially as it was abroad.

We did get cash gifts even thought we had specifically requested no gifts, but it was all paid for from our savings and the cash gifts went towards the deposit on our new home.

Hi thrifty1 glad to hear it all went off so well, as you say nice and intimate which is what its about for me. And 15-20 grand would be affordable to us from savings. The main worry or reservation I had is putting the expense onto our guests, like you we will request no gifts as we don't expect any especially if they can make the trip. Think I will do what you did and say not invite people but let them know what we are doing. Thanks again.

Dublin hotels seem to be very expensive for guests. I know that we made our savings mostly because our local hotel was so reasonable.

pc7 said:

we spent the weekend looking at our options, I'd like a small wedding at home, but bf's family is just too big, there is no way it could be small. If we did the traditional set up here we reckoned 30 grand for 200 people without a honeymoon. I personally couldn't spend that, we are good savers and probably could get the money together but I couldn't do it for 1 day and have 100 people there I barely know. So it looks like we are going to try do it in Rome and invite immediate family and close friends so maybe 30/40 people. While we don't want to push costs onto our guests we feel with rome its accessible for a weekend for people. Also our close friends and family will come if they can. If we give enough notice they can get cheap flights, we'll cover meal and all drink at the reception. I don't have any costs yet but looks like it'll be a fraction of the Irish set up. I reckon it'll be under 10 grand all in, honeymoon too. For me not into lots of fuss, want to marry my boy and have the people who matter with us. Do people think its wrong to ask people come away or is it a case that if people like you enough they will want to be there and enjoy it?

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Why could you not have your wedding here with your immediate family & friends (30/40 people).
I think alot of people would prefer not to be invited to a wedding (unless it is a family one) as it works out so expensive.

I was able to be sparing and cutting with my list, boyfriend just wasnt able. He just feels there is no such thing as a small wedding here, once you book it you get the "you have to ask such and such". All his cousins weddings have had upwards of 200 at them. I just don't want that so going away seems the best option for us.

pc7 said:

I was able to be sparing and cutting with my list, boyfriend just wasnt able. He just feels there is no such thing as a small wedding here, once you book it you get the "you have to ask such and such". All his cousins weddings have had upwards of 200 at them. I just don't want that so going away seems the best option for us.

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I understand where you are coming from. While my husband could have cut his list to about 15 people i would have been the one expected to invite everyone. When my sister got married she had 250, and had to deal with the "if you invite Mr X then you HAVE to invite Mr Y". Plus we see our relations on a regular basis and they would have been looking for the invitations.
I found that no matter what decision you make there will always be someone not pleased so my advice is do whats makes you happy, "clear" it with your immediate family they are the ones who "have" to go and after that let people make up their own minds whether they want to go or not. Like i said we didnt send out invitations as we didnt want people to feel pressured, in fact thoses that did go approached us and asked for the details. Hope it works out.

thanks thrifty1 I'll keep you posted!

Myself and the fiancee have a simple rule: if we haven't spoken to the person in the past year, we don't invite them.

That ruled out all my paternal cousins.

But included all my maternal cousins (I know them more).

Personally, I don't like weddings, so I assume that people will be happy not to be invited.

That's an excellent point Protocol! Some people groan when they get yet another wedding invitation and have to struggle to find an excuse for not attending.

To return to the costs of a wedding - the prices per head quoted on some of those posts for weddings in Ireland are extortionate. It seems as if, instead of giving a "group discount" because it's a big event the hotels 'up' the prices. I wouldn't have that at all. Negotiate. Perhaps it's time for a 'rip-off Ireland' section on overpricing of different aspects of weddings - florists etc? I can't understand the continuing need for 'official photographers' in this day and age where digital cameras and super-8's are so cheap and so many people know how to use them effectively and artistically and the album can subsequently be 'distributed' to guests by e-mail or pod as a souviner.

Reflecting on the weddings I've been to in the past few years (and I don't - by any means - accept every invitation!) the most memorable and interesting were honestly fitted to the individuality of the couple. One was a niece who lives in England and was marrying an Englishman with whom she had lived for the previous 9 years and had two children (6 and 3 years old at the time). She held it in a hotel local to her home, the Irish contingent got themselves budget flights and a group discount was arranged with the hotel in which the civil ceremony and reception were held for anyone who wished to take accommodation there. The food was exquisite, the detail sublime (they had thought about it a lot); guests were told not to give presents - home already established and the honeymoon was a treat to themselves of staying on in the hotel for a few days - no cleaning, cooking etc.

Another 'goodie' was a couple of friends who wanted to marry but were not high earners. They had the civil ceremony in a registry office, lunch with immediate families of the couple, then a gathering of friends and relatives on Hampstead Heath (it was Midsummers Night) each guest bringing a platter and/or drinks. Great food, great vibe and very different.

The awful, awful weddings I've attended have been stuffy (usually expensive, but 'standard') events where guests in expensive wedding-outfits clock-watch themselves through the reception until the heavy drinking bit. Yuk Yuk Yuk

We got married in Lanzarote in August 2005 - cost in the region of 6 k - 40 family/close friends attended, it wasn't solely the money that drove us away it was the logistical nightmare and stress of getting married here.

Had booked a hotel here but ended up cancelling as people kept throwing their 2 cents in about who to invite, when to have it etc

We booked a wedding planner who did all that and we just filled out some forms with our preferences for wedding car, flowers, cake, music etc and picked our (fabulous) menus -all via email.

Everyone still talks about the great one / two weeks holiday we had, it wasn't just one day (it's fantastic but really does fly by) - there were great nights and days shared too. Even the 4 hour delay on the flight out turned out to be great as everyone just went the bar and got to know each other!

We choose that destination for accessibility, day time flights, guaranteed weather, Irish wedding planner, general easy life.

Had a party here when we got back for 120 - carvery style meal Eur 13 / head with wine (byob (nice wine) with no corkage fee in local small hotel)
Wine was a present from my brother. Local band & DJ Eur 750

Our parents invited everyone they liked so that kept them happy too.

Married 2002. Had preferred small civil affair, possibly abroad. Fiancee and now wife decided it had to be very trad affair, church, white dress etc.

Since my wife wanted traditional I suggested we be super-traditional and ask her father to pay all the costs. I learnt that tradition has its limits.

End result was circa £25,000, paid for from my savings

But a second most memorable day of my life (birth of son no 1). You only live once so why not have a splash. Having said that I would never have contemplated borrowing.

got married in august . cost 31k including great honeymoon. recieved 23k in gift money. excellent

plan to marry in 2009 in Cork
120 guests approx
hope to cover everything (incl honeymoon) with 16k easily.
hope to save on following:
cake by relative
no video only photographer
homemade invites
dresses from debenhams etc
avg 2 week holiday (wont mention "honeymoon" to travel agent)
rings from family friend jeweller

intend to get good entertainment as this had a better impression on me at previous weddings than chocolate fountains, fancy fingerfood etc

Civil ceremony (which many people have due to religious beliefs) means you don't "need" bridesmaids etc, so we had one flowergirl and a best man, so no BM dresses/tan/hairdo/shoes etc to be paid for. [/quote]


Can anyone explain the etiquette of what the bride is expected to pay for the bridesmaids (3) and mum of bride? All 4 want hair up-styles and make up done on day, and want hair and makeup trials beforehand. There will also be tanning, manicures, pedicures; also dresses, shoes, accessories. What does the bride normally cover for bridesmaids and mum of bride, and what should they pay themselves? Don't want to appear mean, but paying for wedding ourselves.

As far as I can tell you pay for everything - dress, shoes, make up, hair tan etc- exept underwear! I definitely wouldn't be forking out for hair or make up trials though - only for you!!! At the end of the day you should pay for what you can afford - don't be guilted or bullied into it.

portside said:

Civil ceremony (which many people have due to religious beliefs) means you don't "need" bridesmaids etc, so we had one flowergirl and a best man, so no BM dresses/tan/hairdo/shoes etc to be paid for.

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Can anyone explain the etiquette of what the bride is expected to pay for the bridesmaids (3) and mum of bride? All 4 want hair up-styles and make up done on day, and want hair and makeup trials beforehand. There will also be tanning, manicures, pedicures; also dresses, shoes, accessories. What does the bride normally cover for bridesmaids and mum of bride, and what should they pay themselves? Don't want to appear mean, but paying for wedding ourselves.[/quote]

You pay for what you want them to do. If you ask them to get up do's done in a style you request - you pay for it.

If you expect them to get a spray tan - you pay for it.

If you want them to wear the same make up, in the same style done by a make up artist of your choosing - you pay for it.

If you want them to all have matching manicures - you pay for that.

If you want them to wear matching shoes - you pay for them.

If you are fine with them wearing their hair any way they wish (even just a blow dry that they do themselves) you let them organise theirselves. Same for nails, if you don't mind if some of them choose to do their own nails in whatever colour they want, they sort theirselves out. If you are fine with them wearing their own shoes that don't match each other, you do not have to buy them shoes.

I was 1 of 5 bridesmaids for a friend, we all got our own tans, hair and nails done. She paid for our makeup, I don't think they'll expect you to pay for everything.