unemployed person sinking in debt

Re: help with money makeover please

What does your hubby do for a living? Not necessary to furnish exact details but just wondering how much of a salary he could pull in if he got work?

How long has he been out of work?

You actually have a great salary - I think if you pull together and he takes on a bit more responsiblity you will be fine.
 
Re: help with money makeover please

who is driving the impetous to address your financial situation?
Click to expand...

its me. hubby will openly admit that money burns a hole in his pocket and he does struggle to understand the importance of what needs to be paid and priorities for eg I asked him yesterday if we won 3K what would he do with it, he said he would get our built in wardrobes, get new clothes etc... Wheras I would put it straight on the Credit card!! so it is me that (badly) manages the finances. I know I have to take full control to get out of this and not allow him access to accounts etc and "hand" him an allowance and that would work, but this seems very drastic and controlling.
 
Re: help with money makeover please

Well you don't have to put it like that, how about an allowance each, after all bills etc have been paid for. I'd sell the expensive car, there is no way you can justify it when you have a perfectly good other car in the driveway. That wipes out a debt of 18K overnight. Anyone who chases their losses in a bookies is unlikely to stop at 30Euro. How long has your partner been unemployed? It must be fairly easy for a 30 year old to get employment.
 
Re: help with money makeover please

Does your husband have a gambling addiction/compulsion? If so then this also needs to be addressed. All the more so if you are seriously thinking of staying together and having children!
Click to expand...

I think I have not wanted to face this head on, but to if I am truly honest with myself, I think there is a problem, he has always had an interest in the bookies,I am afraid that if he was earning more, he would just spend more in the bookies and that is a real concern for me if we manage to have childern, I did find a good tread on gambling and I found the GA site and have copied the 20 questions on there and without letting on to my hubby thats where I got the questions, I am going to ask him to do the questionaire. I think I suspect what the answer will be.

Thanks so much for all your comments on here from all posters, it is so good to put my situation up and get feedback from it from an outside perspective, I cant really talk about with family and I dont want them judging my husband(dont mind it on here!!)..they do love him, but you know what I mean.
 
Re: help with money makeover please

What does your hubby do for a living? Not necessary to furnish exact details but just wondering how much of a salary he could pull in if he got work?
Click to expand...
In his last job he was earning about 25K a year. WE are hoping he will start work soon actually and if all goes well he will be on over 30K a year, He was talking about getting a new car!! that will definitely NOT happen!

I think an allowance is a good idea after bills etc.
 
Re: help with money makeover please


Hubby doesnt need to be ashamed (and nor do you) about a possible gambling addiction - he is at a great age to address it, still young and hopefully not as set in his ways as someone older.

Fair play to you - hardest part is admitting to the problem.

This is just some advice, take it or leave it - but I wouldnt 'tread softly' re not letting onto hubby about where you got the questions - better to be matter of fact and up front about these things.

you mention it has already caused rows - this is his defence mechanism, if it causes enough of a row then hopefully you wont mention it again you know? put all anger aside and just be practical about it.

on the money side of things, i second the poster who says sell the more expensive car!
 
Re: help with money makeover please

An allowance isn't a bad thing - and it doesn't have to be crippling - we give ourselves enough so we can treat ourselves to a bottle of wine mid week..But it does make you think about where your money goes.

This is the first month we have done an allowance - and it was a particularly difficult month - because NTL, phone and ESB all came out of this months pay check.

And we started off with a €500 over draft - we are finishing off with a €100 over draft! Not bad from where we came from...
So we are trying to quit the ciggerettes now.....
 
Re: help with money makeover please

reading between the lines, I think you and hubby need to sit down and decide where exactly you are going with this. Obviously, a the moment, it's you that is doing the worrying. He is subsidising a very nice lifestyle for himself from your earnings, without thought to yoru feelings about it. Time for a reality check for you and him. I suspect he will have little incentive to find work while he can live a lifestyle as he does (Sky Sports, his own car, unlimited money for bookies, etc)

He gets his 200 dole and that should be his "discretionary spending" for the week. Plenty others have to make do with it, and they have to pay bills as well. He can pay his Sky out of that too if he wishes.

You, for your part will pay the REAL bills, the mortgage and put food on the table. That way you will be in control and you will know how much you can pay into CC debts to get rid of them. That way you will cut back on stupid unnecessary household spendiing.

Quite honestly, you are on a very good net income that you should be using far more effectively ... and saving too. Face up to it girl!
 
Re: help with money makeover please

Certainly sounds to me that this is a key issue that needs to be addressed so. Along with the accumulated debt and spending/budgeting issues. Perhaps he has just developed "bad" habits but it sounds like he could have a full blown compulsion/addiction. Perhaps you should try a GamAnon (for friends/family/partners/spouses of compulsive gamblers - not Gamblers Anonymous which is for the gamblers themselves) meeting or two just to see what you think?
 
Re: help with money makeover please

Fair play to you for trying to get a handle on all this - when you get organised you will get a real sense of satisfaction.

I know I have to take full control to get out of this and not allow him access to accounts etc and "hand" him an allowance and that would work, but this seems very drastic and controlling.
Click to expand...

You don't have to behave in a controlling way to him, just to the money. I suppose a lot depends on whether he is basically in agreement that the money needs managing or whether he is totally in denial and change resistant.

Just one scenario for how to do it -maybe if you both agree in principle that the bills and debts need to be serviced as a priority to other spending. You could then arrange all those to be direct debited *right after* you get paid, so that there is seriously limited amount of cash there afterwards to be spent. You withdraw what's needed for your lunch and for the supermarket spend (economise here of course). He's left with whatever's left and he just has to manage with that. If even that -he has his dole as well of course - that by itself should be enough to finance his leisure activities considering you are paying for everything else. In fact, anything you give him is being spent on gambling and fags - if he gets upset and insists on demanding more cash for this it's him that's being controlling (or rather the fags and gambling is) not you. Do not allow him access to your 4k for IVF.
 
Re: help with money makeover please

You spend a lot on food for two people but I agree with other posters that gambling and smoking are bigger issues.
From an outsiders perspective you are a financially secure person living with someone who is unemployed who goes to the bookies, smokes and “needs” sky sports. Is there a message here that you are missing?
 
Re: help with money makeover please

I had a rethink on this overnight - who decided to buy a house, furnish it, landscape it and buy a new car, all seemingly in the past 2 years? Was it a joint decision? The house and expensive car are your's alone, so I don't think your OH is entirely to blame for your situation. With your great salary you should easily be able to manage. As a couple you need to sit down and go through the figures together.
 
Re: help with money makeover please


I have always earned the greater salary between the two of us even when he was working, We have always put our money together and regarded it as one income, particularly since we have been married, so buying the house etc was a joint decision though of course I did influence it along the way (as all women do!)I do accept responsibility for our situation as of course I could have got a cheaper house, smaller car etc. However when I do the sums and I spent all last night doing this, much to the horror of hubby (he hates these "money" conversations. It is our daily spending that is causing problems for us, we can of course make savings in all other areas, economise the weekly shop, look at cutting out our bills, is the money that seems to "disppear" that is the problem. the spending diary is helping and I did analsye it last night and though we have gotten better, we still managed to spend money on silly things ie popping out the shop to buy a couple of bottles of lemonade and spending 17E!! (this happened tuesday this week)
We are now on weekly allowances and I have written up a monthly budget in advance for June so we know what we need on bills etc and we are cutting our food bill. Allowances have been decided for the two of us as he smokes he has got more, and I think if we are really good we could actually claw back 500E in june or at least thats what it says on paper!!
Thanks for all your advice and tips, some really good stuff on here. I will also look at the gambling issue as I suspect that is where the money is "disppearing to" and if we are both on allowances then it will be very obvious if this continues to happen.
 
Re: help with money makeover please

Hi there

It seems to me that your husband is extremely immature. Is he ready to be a father?

I would agree with everyone else when I say that you should be able to manage on what you have, but a severe reality check is needed. The spending needs to be sorted.

have you ever considered renting out a room in your house? Also, while your husband is looking for a job, would he consider doing up some fliers and delivering them in the locality offering his services cutting lawns etc?
 
Miracle Girl,
I'm also wondering how things are going?
I'm currently heading down the IVF route, and people I've spoken to have all mentioned that the counselling that you go through is very intensive - in fact hubby and I have taken out time over the past few weeks to discuss the 'what it it happens / what if it doesn't' scenarios, in advance.
Away from money, if he's not ready to face up to the realities of your current financial position, is he ready to face up to the realities of what IVF involves?
Its unclear on your original post whether or not you had started down the IVF route, as going privately its usually a 3-4 month wait to get first consultation.
Ihope it works out for you, but really do think your other half needs to take some financial responsibility, from our view on the outside it looks like he's had a nice easy ride for a while now.
 
god knows how a family with over 5000 euro a month income has money problems. Anyways,. If you've money problems down grade your car(s) to a cheaper model. My god i've love a new Mercedes but I'll stick with the banger until I can afford to upgrade. Get rid of unneeded things and learn to make do.
 
hi ...i havnt been on for a while, but thought I would give you bit of an update. we have been doing the spending diary and that has really helped us curb our finances.my husband has also curbed his gambling. I did pay off a huge chunk of one of the credit cards using my bonus and we have just done without any little luxuries. My husband has had a bit of work, but nothing regular, but he has got moving more then he was. our first IVF consultation is just over a week away so we will decide and know more then about going down this route.
 
Last edited:
mell61 said:
I'm currently heading down the IVF route, and people I've spoken to have all mentioned that the counselling that you go through is very intensive -
Click to expand...
Not in my experience at the HARI clinic - One fairly superficial chat with a counsellor was all that was involved.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Menu
Log in
Register