Tiger woods poem

M

monascribe18

Guest
Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin, chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry
Cause a bimbo's phone number was in his Blackberry.
He'd been cheatin'on Elin and the story progressed.
Woman after Woman stepped up and confessed.
He'd been cheatin'with Holly, and Jamiee, and Cori
With Joselyn,and Kalika. The world had the story
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues
Tiger's sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex.
When not in their pants, he was sending them texts
Despite all his cryin" and beggin'and pleadin'
Tiger's wife went investin'---a new home in Sweden
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade.
If you're gettin' laid then I'm gettin' paid'
She's not pouting, in fact she is of jolly good cheer her prenup made Christmas come early this year.
 
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal. (A la Public Service).

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself, "Good. I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said, 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago..?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, " Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie. You can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said, ' I Have a Dream '?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right, Mary. You can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said, 'Ask not, what your country can do for your...'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right, Nancy.You may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back, Johnny says, "I wish those b*tch*s would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "Now, who said that?"

Johnny: "Tiger Woods!"
 
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