The only wedding you HAVE to go to is your own

A

autumnleaf

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I was talking to a woman at work and she mentioned that she HAD to go to 6 weddings this year. These weddings were for: her husband's brother, a close friend of hers, a girl she had been friends with once but hadn't seen in years, and 3 first cousins (can't remember if they were her cousins or the hubbies').

Now, by my count that's only 2 weddings she "has" to go to: the bro-in-law and the close friend. Even then, she doesn't really "have" to go but they'd probably miss her if she didn't. The others (long-lost pal and cousins) - maybe they'd like to see her but I'm sure they won't be that put out if she sends a "thanks but no thanks".

Do people really feel that a wedding invitation is an obligation? Even from acquaintances and distant relatives? If I ever get married, I'll be sure to include in the invitation: "This is in no way an obligation and if you are not in the mood for silly hats and the standard food and the Siege of Ennis, we know you wish us well but feel free to spend the day doing something else."
 
Nice one. My rule of thumb is that I never go to a wedding (or anything maybe) that I can get out of.
 
When i get the very rare invite i feel obliged to give a present and then i say i might as well go to enjoy the day and meal. as a man i dont need to buy new clothes. Same old suit does the trick and really no one notices even if it is a bit shiny.
 
Yes, I'm always amazed at this that people feel they have to do things. Coming from a small family , we often have felt at a disadvantage compared to friends who have lots of family with support etc. However as I've got older, I sometimes think we are the lucky ones.Some of these HAVE TO GO TO situations with families are ridiculous. I see the same friends now swearing at these wedding invitations, 'having ' to change their own holidays to go to far distant lands to celebrate weddings of relatives they rarely see when at home and all because they are afraid or rows etc. if they say no.
 
dewdrop said:
.......as a man i dont need to buy new clothes. Same old suit does the trick and really no one notices even if it is a bit shiny.
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I thought you were a girlie!!

I don't get asked to weddings these days, moved around too much over the years and all my oldest friends did the deed years ago. I'd try to get out of it if I could to be honest. Close family and friends certainly but otherwise nope, happy to give them a miss.
(always nice to be asked though).
 
I was invited to a wedding last week by a woman I work with - I hardly know her, and we don't really like each other - I have no clue why she invited me ... I feel no obligation to go though - have already sent my regrets. Do people invite the world and it's mother for the presents? Surely there's an economy of scale factor being considered - after 200 guests you start making money on your wedding!
 
I went to a wedding years ago. Boyfriend use to rent with the couple. We were seated beside neighbours that my bf only knew to see. We met the neighbours about 6 months and asked after the happy couple - they hadn't spoke to them since. There was 300 at this wedding and it was pretty cramped. We left at 11 O'clock as the afters starting coming in and there was nowhere to sit!

I tpp felt she just wanted to 'make money'.
 
Think sometimes especially in the country people have a thing about asking neighbours. They usually don't leave anybody on the road out, even though they may know some of them better than others. If some neighbour is left out they can get quite peeved about not being asked. No matter how you try theres always somebody not happy.
 
One family member with lots of children whom we never see, never receive a phone call from etc, constantly invite us to weddings and 21st's. We generally decline the invitation. In the beginning we sent a gift but when we never even received any sort of acknowledgement let alone a thank you we began to wonder were we just being used for the gift.
 
Slightly off topic. A friend of mine invited us, as a family, to her wedding in Australia. After we had confirmed we would be there, along with another family travelling there from Europe, we were informed that children would not be welcomed at the wedding itself.

Apparently she had issue with the other family's children but felt she had to ban mine too as it wouldn't be fair otherwise. My kids were 15 and 8, the other children were under six.

So..um..glad I hadn't booked the tickets or the holiday we had planned to build around the wedding.
 
Eddie Hobbs advised a couple on his show a couple of years ago to double the number of people they were asking to the wedding and ask for cash gifts only.
 

It may just have been courtesy on her part. Perhaps she was worried that you might feel slighted if she invited other work colleagues but excluded you.
 
Guy from my office got married recently - told me he had invited 280 people but they had confirmed 230. I asked how many of the 230 did he know personally. He said that he didnt know most of them but that they were cousins and cousins wives/husbands etc and he had to ask them... I asked how many of his cousins he had had a personal conversation with in the last year? None.

I think its a crazy practice, I hate being asked to weddings, I dont go unless I have a personal relationship with the bride or groom.
 
I was at a wedding a couple of years ago and there was nearly 400 at it (OK big family on one side but not so on the other) but the brides attitude was that 'The wedding will pay for itself' as in people will give on average 90 euro per couple, so the bill would be covered.
Sounds mental to me. I actually do not like giving cash gifts for that reason and also that in 10 years or whatever, at least the couple can look at the gift and (hopefully) remember that it was from me. Whether they love it or hate it, at least they're emotional about it !!
 
>>He said that he didnt know most of them but that they were cousins and cousins wives/husbands etc and he had to ask them... I asked how many of his cousins he had had a personal conversation with in the last year? None.<<

Sometimes that's the point surely - people get to meet family members they would normally never see.
 
Thats where the problems arise. If you ask certain cousins and others are left out then they feel why they were'nt asked so ask all or ask none is the easiest solution with most people. It would be great if you could just pick exactly who you wanted and forget about the rest and what they think or say but easier said than done. No doubt a certain few guests on the day will be eager to criticise anything they don't find right. These are the people you could do without.
Personaly I feel it a great honour to be asked to a wedding and it would never occur to me that I'm only being asked for money sake. Don't think too many couples even cover their wedding expenses on the day. They say an average wedding now costs 30,000 and would generally 200 guests be an average number attending ? Maybe I'm wrong. When you take into account costs of refreshments when people arrive, main meal, wine, round of drinks, food later , I can't see where they make much.
 
annR said:
Sometimes that's the point surely - people get to meet family members they would normally never see.
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Maybe that is the point AnnR - I also asked him afterwards how many he had gotten to speak to - he said only a small number compared to who was there.
I always thought the point was a celebration of a union in front of your loved ones (friends and family) and that personally I wouldnt like a whole load of relative strangers there.
 
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Do people really get invited to that many weddings anyway that this problem arises?

I only ever get invited to weddings when I know the couple very well. If e.g. cousins or other relatives get married I would only get an invite if I see them or communicate with them regularly - and often this is not the case.

Maybe my extended family is unusually distant or unsentimental?

I thought the days of inviting mere acquaintances and obscure relatives, just for the sake of it, or to pump up numbers, was dying out really?
 

I had 5 weddings one year. A freind had 8 in the same year - 3 of them over one bk holiday weekedn. All of them were in the same hotel and 2 of the weddings had the same band.
 
Been to about 5 or 6 in the last 10 years.

Maybe everyone just hates me...
 
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