Student exchange.

Hello All,

Just looking for some advice from all you knowledgeable people:

Young teenage daughter wants to do a student exchange with a european family (won't mention nationality here because I might cause offence).

She is hesitant but enthusiastic to see the world.

I am extremely nervous about this trip because we all know of the horror stories. She is quite innocent and I would be afraid of allowing her to go to a family which do not appear to me to have been vetted? What do you think?

Some of the teachers will be going with them but not staying in the houses.

I know I have to let go of the little darlings at some stage but can't help but be worried.

I'm sure the other family are probably worried about us too.

What age is she?

... a european family (won't mention nationality here because I might cause offence).

To whom? And why?

I am extremely nervous about this trip because we all know of the horror stories.

What horror stories?

She is quite innocent and I would be afraid of allowing her to go to a family which do not appear to me to have been vetted?

Vetted in what way and by whom?

What is she going abroad to do? Study? Work? Au pair?

She is 15 and isgoing with her schol.

At 15 if you, as a parent, and even after further investigations , are not happy with the proposed arrangements then you need to say no.

Going Abroad

You are implying that Ireland has some sort of higher standard than the rest of Europe when it comes to children - that is not necessarily so. Some European countries put a higher standard on children than us.
You say it is an exchange - so how do Europeans react when their daughters come to a country that has one of the highest single mother incidences in Europe and one of the highest drug user rates for teenagers.
As you say you have to let go but my opinion is that 15 is a bit too young to be get with a family that has a difference language even though it would be supervised - there would not be a lot to gain and maybe more to lose. I have daughters who have had a great year in Europe, but at aged 19 or 20 and they benefited by being more mature.

Re: Going Abroad

a country that has one of the highest single mother incidences in Europe and one of the highest drug user rates for teenagers.

Click to expand...

Do you have sources for these statistics?

Re: Going Abroad

Table 1. Number of single mothers as percentage of all women 18-55.
(1) (2) (3) (4)
Spain 0,72 0,87 1,53 3,09
Greece 0,84 0,97 1,56 2,07
Portugal 0,79 1,08 1,75 5,81
Italy 1,19 1,08 1,71 2,08
Luxembourg 2,07 2,12 2,98 3,92
Denmark 2,24 2,38 2,77 2,77
France 2,69 2,81 3,57 4,11
Finland 2,64 2,88 3,2 3,38
Germany 3,07 3,13 3,59 4,27
Belgium 2,84 3,37 4,35 4,6
Austria 2,7 3,49 4,21 6,01
Ireland 3,31 3,67 4,63 10,66
Netherlands 4,21 5,01 5,85 5,91
United Kingdom 6,49 7,1 8,36 9,48
Sweden 6,45 7,2 8,05 8,05
Note: ECHP data, Wave 8 (year 2001). Person weights have been used.
Single mothers defined as:
(1) Women living alone with their own children, all of them younger than 16.
(2) Unmarried women living alone with their own children, all of them younger than 18.
(3) Unmarried women living alone with their own children, at least one younger than 18.
(4) Unmarried women living with their own children (at least one younger than 18) and without
a partner (but maybe with other co-residents as well).

These are only for 2001 and do not help to answer the original question

Re: Going Abroad

Ceann Comhairle - it seems you can't win. If you don't mention the nationality to avoid causing offence it seems you cause some people offence - go figure.

I would share your concern - it is only natural, but you don't give a lot to go on. We now know your daughters age, but not how long she is going for, or whether she will be in touch with Irish/local teachers daily, or whether she will just be living with the other family out of contact.

As a simple (but potentially useless in the event of something terrible happenig) measure you could request a photocopy/scan of the passport of the head of household of wherever your daughter is going - and send yours in return. If you don't trust them enough with a copy of your passport or they don't trust you enough with theirs then I would think it is fair to say that you shouldn't trust your daughter to them.

Other than that there really isn't a whole lot you can do - maybe talk to people who have done this before through the school but this will only reflect their experience - not the potential issues that will affect your daughters visit.

z

Re: Going Abroad

So what is EHCP - Is it the [broken link removed] or possibly [broken link removed]?

I'm assuming that the commas in your table should actually be decimal points. On this basis, Ireland comes 4th in categories 1-3 of your data and tops the table in category 4 (the category which refers to women without a partner). I'm not sure that your ' one of the highest single mother incidences in Europe ' really stands up from this data. And you still have supported the 'highest drug user rates for teenagers' claim.

Re: Going Abroad

If you don't mention the nationality to avoid causing offence it seems you cause some people offence - go figure.

Did somebody get offended by the non mention of the nationality in question?

Re: Going Abroad

I'm not sure. I know I didn't get offended. I think someone may have but I'm not sure because I'm not them.

Did someone refer to someone taking offence, or did they perceive offence, or did they refer to perceiving taking offence, or did they perceive taking offence by reference, or perhaps by inference ?

There's a lot to be said for answering questions directly if possible. There is also a lot to be said for looking for clarification.

z

Re: Going Abroad

You just seemed to imply that somebody here was offended by the non mention of the nationality in question.

Re: Going Abroad

When I was 15 I went away for a week with 40 students and 4 teachers. We had a ball, but we were all together.

When I was 18 I went to Paris for 6 weeks with 4 other girls. Was a complete disaster, although it was not an exchange.

When I was 19, I went on a work exchange to Spain for 7 months and loved it.

When I was 20 I went on a work exchange thing to France for 7 months and loved it.

When I was 21 I went on an Erasmus programme to Spain for 6 months and loved it.

Basically, yes, 15 is probably too young. NEVER assume your daughter is too inncocent. My parents would probably have said the same about me when I was that age ...but they were wrong! I would say 15 is too young, not only because of the external pressures she may come into contact with, but also she might be tempted to get up to a little experimentation in various things herself.

I think 18/19 is the ideal age for these type of things. I'm only just 27 myself so I can still remember how I was when I was 15

Re: Going Abroad

I say let her go. If she doesn't like it then she can always come back early. It's unfair to deny her this opportunity.