Separation quandry

[Tarnhows]

My spouse, who is the main wage earner, has announced that she intends separating in June. I am the main carer of our children (one aged 18 and one in primary school) and only have a part-time income from self-employment and we are largely dependant on her income. The fact that I have been the main carer of our children has allowed her to build a very good career over the years through further education, often away from home.

Most recently, she says that she will allow me to continue living in the house and pay maintenance due to the fact that I am the main carer and me not being able to get another mortgage. However, she has said many times in the past that she 'would be entitled to the house and custody of the children because she earns the most money and is a woman and the courts would favour her'.

I dispute this as I have been their main carer for the last nine years and that earnings do not come into the equation when it comes to deciding custody. Although she has changed her tune most recently I fear that she will revert to her old stance and perhaps be correct in her assertion(??)

Due to the unpredicable nature of the situation, I want to pro-act to protect my interests which are to ensure that I :
1) Have custody of the children (or child as one is over 18)
2) Receive regular maintenance payments
3) Can stay in the family home

I think I am entitled to the above as I have sacrificed so much for my family and facilitated her in obtaining a career.

As a result of continuing threats going back many years I have squirelled away a substantial 'rainyday' fund which she has no knowledge of. In order to protect my income I intend seeking legal help from the Legal Aid Board but this help is subject to a means test. The thing is, even if I am entitled to assistance after disclosure of my savings, it will be on record when it comes to being assessed by the court for maintenance etc.

Because of this I thought about going to a solicitor privately but again, when it comes to going to court, my proof of income will come in the form of a Revenue Notice of Assessment which not only shows my earned income but interest received from savings also.

Is there any way of these savings not having to be disclosed?

I'm in a real quandry over this and just don't know what to do for the best - I would be grateful for any advice.

 

[Vanilla]

Part of any court proceeding relating to division of assets and/ or maintenance is full and truthful disclosure of assets. So sooner or later, truth will out.

 

[z108]

Its important you get the very best lawyer possible. As there is a huge difference between them in terms of experience , confidence and laziness.

I dont know if you have a good brief yet but theres one in particular I would recommend based upon all accounts who seems to do well with such cases.

 

[smartgirl]

My mam is separted from my dad. My dad now wants a divorce and has stated that he wants my mams solicitor from the separation (apparently my mams solicitor screwed him, so must be good - his words) i can give you the number of the solicitor if you wish, just pm me

 

[TDON]

Men & women have equal rights, in terms of the law anyway. So should you get a good solicitor and in turn barrister, you should do ok, as will never be perfect in these situations.

Regarding the money you have put away, you could always say you've been unhappy for a long time and knew this day would eventually come and knew that if you wanted a good solicitor & barrister, you were going to have to start saving for it.

By the way, a cousin of mine, who knew she was going to have to disclose her assets, went and spent her savings on orthodontic care. I think she spent something in the region of 6k on whitening, crowns etc. She got the idea from a friend who had done something similar by spending her money on a facelift. It meant they were no longer tangible assets!!!!