My nett income, before the massive mortgage, comes in at just under €40,000. The costs of going to the Circuit Court would essentially be a year of my nett income, or c. 3 years of it after the most basic living expenses have been met. Is there a smarter way to do this? Give up my job and apply for legal aid? Cut down my hours? (but I'm struggling financially already, depending upon my credit card and overdraft for living - something I can show evidence for going back years).
Has anybody brought their own family law case to the Circuit Court? How difficult would it be?
Thanks. I've been told it would definitely be going to the Circuit Court rather than the District Court as both incomes and the value of the house would make this so. Costs and the length of the case apparently increase as a result, although many cases are settled before reaching the court.
Why would I need to apply for "access"? Why wouldn't the children's mother have to do so? From day one, we have both shared everything and, if anything, I have spent more time with them as my job facilitates that (as mentioned in the op). The three times since the eldest was born that I have left home for work (for less than a week each time), I have paid the childminder. I have never spent time away from them outside that. Is there something in law which says the man must apply for access but the woman doesn't have to? (I'm their birth father, as recorded on their birth certs, we are legally married under Irish law, and I legally own half the house).
I've heard of people splitting the house but it's not possible here without great expense (we renovated the whole place in recent years). Moreover, for a wide range of psychological reasons I need to have as little to do with her as possible. Yes, I know I am "stuck" with her until the kids are adults, but I need to minimise that. Having equal parenting responsibilities and thus no maintenance, for instance, would therefore reduce her control over me. Similarly, having two separate homes at a distance from each other would reduce her involvement in my life. Also, if the children were to spend weekends/2 nights with their father as a common "solution", why can't courts allow them to spend 4/3/3/4 in rotation (4 nights with mother, 3 nights with father, 3 nights with mother; 4 nights with father)? How is having a fair distribution of parenting/homes less stable for the kids than having a 5/2/5/2 distribution of nights between each home?
The house is an enormous issue because if I have to continue paying a mortgage on it for the next 18 years (until the youngest is 23), I will never get a mortgage for my own place at a time when there is €300,000 plus in equity in the home. I will be condemned to paying more than a mortgage in rent in flatland, which in reality means poverty because the existing mortgage on a very nice property in a nice area is half my current net salary. The fact that I would need a three-bedroomed flat to accommodate the children adds to the financial suffocation. If that worst-case scenario were to happen, what are my options?
It's not a little ironic that in trying to get out of her control, she could be getting more control over my life than ever, sanctioned by the Irish State.