Separation & Court

T

Tailwind

Registered User
Messages
8
Hi, my ex-wife and I began the separation journey two years ago. It was inevitable that it was going to end up in court. Thankfully we've no children and the home is the only bone of contention. The relationship broke down many years ago between infidelity, trust issues and a general feeling that no real relationship existed. At the moment, its all solicitors letters, accusations and refusal to negotiate or accept any offers I've made. Ultimately, she wants the home, but cant afford to buy me out or to take the mortgage on by herself. (The bank are likely to refuse to release me from the loan). On top of that, she demands maintenance and pension contributions. We both work full time, in our late 30's and married for 10 years or so. I've had two promotions since the separation began, so earn a bit more than she does now. I'd be keen to hear from others up and learn from their experiences in court if there are similar situations out there...
 
With no children, and not to second guess any judicial proceedings, but my thinking would most likely be that order will be for the family home to be sold.

If there are no children, then there's no maintenance to be paid. Whether or not alimony would be awarded to either party depends on a range of issues, including health, current or future earnings etc.

You essentially have two options, agree the settlement between you or pay lawyers to do it.
 
Last edited:
Thirsty said:
With no children, and not to second guess any judicial proceedings, but my thinking would most likely be that order will be for the family home to be sold.

If there are no children, then there's no maintenance to be paid. Whether or not alimoney would be awarded to either party depends on a range of issues, including health, current or future earnings etc.

You essentially have two options, agree the settlement between you or pay lawyers to do it.
Click to expand...
There isnt really anything more i can offer that i can see. I've offered the house if she can remove me from the mortgage.. wasnt accepted. Ive offered to buy her share..wasnt accepted. Ive offered to sell it.. wasnt accepted. If offered cash sums..wasnt accepted. Its left me with no choice unfortunately to seek a court date.. which is just going to cost a huge amount. Future earnings on my part versus her's is perhaps an issue as i work in an industry that pays well at the moment and whilst she has a common health issue it doesnt prevent her from holding a full time job. I cant see what can possibly be gained from dragging this to court.
 
"I can't see what can possibly be gained from dragging this to court. "

I can. It's called a result!

We've all seen it- no way, over my dead body, whatever, I'm not agreeing to anything.

So, you either play along with that and get nowhere or you put the head down and quietly steam roll ahead.

90% of my cases settle before Court and we rule the settlement by agreement.

5% settle on the morning of Court - it's like the light suddenly goes on.

The last 5% have to be dragged in to Court where, yes, there can be an element of a lottery about the decision.

mf
 
mf1 said:
"I can't see what can possibly be gained from dragging this to court. "

I can. It's called a result!

We've all seen it- no way, over my dead body, whatever, I'm not agreeing to anything.

So, you either play along with that and get nowhere or you put the head down and quietly steam roll ahead.

90% of my cases settle before Court and we rule the settlement by agreement.

5% settle on the morning of Court - it's like the light suddenly goes on.

The last 5% have to be dragged in to Court where, yes, there can be an element of a lottery about the decision.

mf
Click to expand...
Thanks. its seems like an inordinate waste of time and money doesnt it..I can't see what more I can offer to be honest. even if, i was on the court steps tomorrow i fail to see how i can be fairer.. I kind of feel like its outside of my control going to court, as much as I dont want to, im being forced in that direction out of dispair to get out of this relationship. Case progression certs are done.. waiting on a court date now unfortunately. The lottery bit is scary.. shouldnt be down to chance.
 
Indeed, thats one silver lining. But, what could possibly be driving her to court when ive made reasonable offers in every direction. Surely she knows court isnt likely to be a sweeping giveaway of the only asset we have
 
"But, what could possibly be driving her to court when ive made reasonable offers in every direction. "

She's listening to the wrong people. The bar-room lawyers, her pal who has a pal who has a pal who got everything.

We have a story we use to illustrate.

Ah'm going to stand in front of that Judge, Ah'm going to tell the Judge mah story, and when that Judge hears mah story.........

Never mind that that Judge has heard her story a hundred times before.

mf
 
mf1 said:
"But, what could possibly be driving her to court when ive made reasonable offers in every direction. "

She's listening to the wrong people. The bar-room lawyers, her pal who has a pal who has a pal who got everything.

We have a story we use to illustrate.

Ah'm going to stand in front of that Judge, Ah'm going to tell the Judge mah story, and when that Judge hears mah story.........

Never mind that that Judge has heard her story a hundred times before.

mf
Click to expand...
I dont know how to like posts yet MF, but fairplay that made me smile
 
Are there any really key bits of advice, from people who've seen this before or lived it, that I should pay attention to..or tips about how to get through it all?
 
Stay emotionally detached
Look at it like a business project and your former partner / spouse as an important, if difficult, client.
Stay polite, civil and focused.
 
What about Mediation? again more money - but less than if the solicitors and barristers take hold of it. be the one to suggest it in writing perhaps?
 
Yoga Woga said:
What about Mediation? again more money - but less than if the solicitors and barristers take hold of it. be the one to suggest it in writing perhaps?
Click to expand...
Case Progression date is likely very shortly, i suspect our positions are too far apart for mediation to be fruitful. She has made it clear that the house will not be sold under any circumstances and she cant afford to buy me out. Very difficult to negotiate when the stance is so hardened.
 
Court date has been set. What are peoples thoughts on potential outcomes /orders? Has anyone been through it before?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top