Scenario on mortgage/ bills, comments please

H

heyho

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Hi, I need to move out of the family home, taking my 2 children with me.
My husband has an alcohol problem and (I think) is severely depressed, abusive, at times violent.
I've given him every chance and opportunity but enough is enough. He refuses to leave so I feel I have no choice but to leave myself.

My biggest concern (other than the disturbance to the children) is the financial aspects as I can't afford to pay rent and the mortgage.
Currently I pay all household bills, the mortgage, and a personal loan. The mortgage and personal loan are in joint names. The household bills are in my name.
My plan is this:
- Change the household bills to my husbands name
- Redirect the mortage direct debit to our joint account (which my husband uses almost exclusively), once this is done, inform the bank that we are seperating and that I am unable to make mortgage and rent repayments and to do whatever they need to do if my husband doesn't make the payments himself. I don't care if the house is sold off, we are in positive equity and selling the house would in some ways be a relief as its a big noose around our necks.
- Initiate legal seperation

What am I forgetting?
Is this leaving me open to a total mess? I figure its going to be a mess regardless and this may be the simplest way to do things - just let the bank know that the mortage is likely to go into arrears and let them do their thing.

I'd appreciate any opinions or advice.
Thanks.
 
Have you spoken to a solicitor? You absolutely need legal advice and likely emotional support. Contact womens aid. Contact details here. Legal advice might be available from FLAC see contact details here. As there is violence involved, a barring order might be appropriate, where you remain and he leaves.

This sounds like a really difficult situation heyho, and all the more reason you need good advice and lots of support. I wish you all the best with it.
 
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Hi heyho

What a terrible predicament!

I figure its going to be a mess regardless and this may be the simplest way to do things
Click to expand...

This is a good realisation to come to. There is no magic wand which will solve this problem. Whichever solution you come to will be a mess. So it's to identify the solution which is the least messy.

Of course, take legal advice.

You need to move out of the family home. If it's not urgent, then I would suggest that you hold off until you have taken legal advice and until after you have spoken to the bank.

Can you not try gettin a barring order? It would seem to me that the best solution for your family is to have your husband move out. Let him move in with his friends. It would be cheaper and less disruptive. If you fail to get a barring order, then move out yourself.

If you need the funds for a solicitor, then stop paying the mortgage. This is a higher priority.

But first thing, is to go to the bank and explain your situation. It is better to get their agreement to a payment moratorium rather than just for you to stop paying.

Brendan
 
Thanks - I haven't yet spoken to a solicitor as I have only been formulating my plans over the last few days and to be honest my absolute priority is the kids and minimising the disruption for them.
I had totally forgotten about FLAC, great suggestion thanks will get on that right away and call Women's Aid about any other ideas they might have. I was under the impression that a barring order can take ages to get and he can still ignore it.. But will check it out.
Thanks again
 
The legal eagles will probably confirm, but I understand that a barring order is enforcible by Gardai so he can't ignore it.
 
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