Relocating with kids near to ex spouse

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elainem

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Moving back to Dublin after Christmas. Just wondering for any of those who are separated, is it a good idea to live very close, as in the same village, as ex spouse or not. Mine was a very acrimonious break-up on his part. Still ongoing difficulties, though they have lessened a little. Have the option of moving very close to ex with kids - they would see more of him, or moving to North Dublin to a very small, but nice house, but the kids would not get to see much more of their dad than they do at present. Any comments appreciated. Family feel moving close is a very bad idea, but I know they are very biased as they are party to all that happened previously.
 
I would strongly advise against living in the same village.

Even if you're within an hours drive that still gives reasonable and practical access for the kids to their dad.

If you both live in the same village then things might get very complicated and you both might end up regretting it. And that would adversely affect the children too.

Thats just my two cents, I'm not separated and probably not qualified to answer the question anyway.

But it would seem like a big gamble to take, moving to the same village. In my humble opinion.
 
I really appreciate your opinion. Just looking at how others would view it, i.e. besides my family. Thanks a mil.
 
No probs. And regardless of what anyone (especially me!) has to say on the subject, you must surely have a gut feeling deep down about whats best to do.
That's probably the voice to listen to.

But you could move to within an hours drive and take everything slowly and if you start getting on much better then maybe he could move closer to you, or whatever.

I'd just think its best to play it safe at first.

Anyway, best of luck to you all, I hope things work out well whatever you decide to do.
 
A really difficult decision. What would be in the childrens best interests? I'd go with that.
 
Just thinking aloud, do your kids really want to be that near your ex after such a difficult split ? As your kids get older they will not really want to be near either of you. Modern living and all that. You must do what is best for you first and then your kids. To hell with the other half. He didn't care about you in the split did he.
 
Hi! everyone, thanks again for replies. I don't know what would really be best for kids. I suppose their mum's happiness and mental health is important, and ex was extremely vindictive. O.K. at moment, but lots of fun and games during summer, although he has new partner. Never looses a chance to make a belittling comment to me, though, in fairness to him, he does it out of earshot of the children. My ex is much more fond of our daughter, than our son - its something other people have noticed - so I guess it would not be so good for our lovely son to be too near him. Yes, mercman, soon enough, I guess they won't want to be with any of us - and all this hassle about access might be a distant memory - thanks again for your replies.
 
elainem said:
Never looses a chance to make a belittling comment to me, though, in fairness to him, he does it out of earshot of the children.
Click to expand...

No excuse for that elainem.

You deserve your happiness too. My advice would be NOT to move close to him. He also treats your children differently. Not fair on either of them.
 
Elainem, I'm with PaddyBloggit on this, I think you would be better off away from him, imagine bumping into him at the local shop, pub, chemist, wherever on possibly a daily basis.
 
Thanks Paddybloggit and Firhead for your replies. Its exactly what my family have said. I suppose I just thought that where he lives in South Dublin, the kids know the other kids there from visiting their dad every second weekend, so would have friends there, and would also see him more often. I also have a nice three-bed house about a mile away from him - but I left that and came down the country four years ago just to get away from him - my family have reminded me of all this - and his threats to get 50/50 custody at the time due to not wanting to pay maintenance, though I was a stay-at-home mum at the time, and will be again for a about a year or so from end December. My maiden aunt, who lives in sheltered housing now has given us her house in North Dublin, but its very small, though in a really good area for schools - so I suppose we will just have to declutter. Thanks again for your comments. Much appreciated.
 
I think this is something that you have to deal with logically rather than emotionally. Bottom line it that if you end up unhappy this will affect your children. Would it not be easier to have a civil relationship at a distance and do you want him knowing your business which he will if you are near?
Frankly I think you should listen to your family who have heard the bad side and have your interests at heart. Also , the kids will go their own way in a short time so provided they are near enough to have the same access as before or more or less the same, do what is best for you. I think there is a danger of reopening old conflicts if you go too near him. Look after yourself first.
 
Why would you want to go anywhere near someone with whom you've had an acrimonious split. Is he makes belittling comments to you why do you put yourself in a situation that he is able to do this. Are the children happy where they are now, if they are why upset that. They see him regularly and that's a good thing. If everything is working well currently, then don't change it.
 
Are you moving to Dublin just so the children see more of their dad, or are there other reasons? I'd move to/stay where your support network is.
 
Hi! Bronte, SarahMc and Brainne, thanks for your replies. SarahMc, I'm going back to Dublin for jobs and support network. Moved down the country to get away from ex a few years ago, as I couldn't cope with all the agro. My support network would be mostly in the South Dublin village where I used to live when we were together. I would have no support near by aunt's house in North Dublin. Just don't know whether I could cope with ex being so close. Its stressful being a single parent without having any agro on top of it. His family used to belittle me quite a lot in front of the kids (though he only did it when the kids weren't within earshot, and I don't want the kids exposed to that sort of thing, but at the same time its where all my support is in terms of friends, family and childminding. Thanks again.
 
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