refuses to take child

  • Thread starter cookiedough
  • Start date
You can only be responsible for your relationship with your child, not the fathers , the reality is that he doesnt even spend the existing time he has with the child he leaves them off with his family to look after so an extra night with them is not going to improve his relationship with them.He is only involved in a very superficial level at the moment and no court or other party can change that unfortunately. If he is only using the child to control you then you can allow this to happen or not, that's your relationship with him.
 


Cookiedough there is nothing wrong with wanting your child to have a relationship with his father at all. The unfortunate thing is that you can't make your child's father have a relationship with him. As parents we all have wishes for our children but we can't always make our wishes come true though.

Nobody, not you nor the courts will be able to force his father to spend time with him. If his father did care as much for his son as you say he does then he would be already taking his son for more than an hour a week.

As another poster already pointed out the only person who can change in this is you. Dealing with the courts on access normally leads to antagonism between parents which in turn isn't great for the kids. Especially if the likelihood is that both of you will be unhappy with the outcome.

IMHO the best way to deal with his father is to accept that he is only going to see his child for 1 hour per week even though you wish he would see him for more. Leave the door open for it to be increased in the future and stop thinking that he isn't taking the child to spite you.
 
I empathise with you Cookiedough. You have the full time care and attention of your child and are happy to accept same and love and want what's best for your child. It is so unfair that the child's Dad who should share in the care only barely helps out and he is not held accountable. He clearly doesn't realise what a great opportunity he is being offered and how some Dads are prevented from having any part in their child's life. Worse still if he is using the child as a means of controlling you. As mentioned above, there is no one that can enforce custody/access arrangements on him. Maybe you can appeal to him using whats in the best interest of his and your child and try to leave his antagonism or whatever toward you, outside. Think you should consider involving his Mum even in a coversation initially - especially if she does have an influence over her son? Would not advocate leaving child with him whilst he is with friends, as a lesson or message. Tempting, but not fair to the child if he resists. Not much help here I know but your child is fortunate to have one dedicated parent who loves and treasures them. Try not to beat yourself up about something you have no control over... Best of luck
 
The child's grandmother appears to be willing to mind the child once a week. Look at this positively - grandparents taking an interest in their grandchildren is a good thing. Even if the father has no interest in the child, I would still advocate having the grandparents involved in the child's life.
 
Hi, I have been reading this post and am amazed.You are actually entertaining this guy. Use reverse phycology, tell him he's not seeing his kid. Its human nature to want things that you cant have. This will work tenfold if its his own flesh and blood. Let him EARN time with his kid. Its guys like that which give the rest of us a bad name. I see my child twice per week and I love her. I get on well with the mother too and I always make sure she is also looked after.I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination but I like doing it.How could any man deny his own regardless of the circumstance. As John Lennon said, "life is what happens while your busy making other plans". Well, this is life and life is short, we'll all meet our maker in the end. Let him earn his childs love and YOUR respect. Dont hand it to him on a platter, Other guys I know are on their knees begging to see their kids and their ex partners are denying them access out of pure bitterness. You dont seem to be like that. Good on ya and dont go the court rout, trust me. I agree with the others, I most certainly would not leave my pride and joy with anyone who does not care about her.

Best of Luck To You
 
its very hard for outsiders ie other posters like myself when we are only getting the view from one side of the fence. we have to take all you say as the truth and from your point of view im sure it , as you see it. remember we dont count only your CHILD matters .
 
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