'Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The stuffing I'd nibbled, the turkey I'd taste
The yummies I'd eaten gone straight to my waist.
The wine and mince pies,
The bread and the cheese
I should have just said, 'No thank you, please.'
So as I dressed myself in my boyfriend's old shirt,
I couldn't believe my bottom and belly - the girth!
I said to myself, as only I can,
'You can't spend the year disguised as a man!'
So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick,
Instead I'll chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have Irish coffees, or chocolate, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quitely I'll cry:
'I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore -
But isn't that what January's for?'
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Anyone affected by this poem can ring the special diet helpline on the following number: 808080028 (Ate Nothing, Ate Nothing, Ate Nothing, Nothing to Ate)!
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The stuffing I'd nibbled, the turkey I'd taste
The yummies I'd eaten gone straight to my waist.
The wine and mince pies,
The bread and the cheese
I should have just said, 'No thank you, please.'
So as I dressed myself in my boyfriend's old shirt,
I couldn't believe my bottom and belly - the girth!
I said to myself, as only I can,
'You can't spend the year disguised as a man!'
So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick,
Instead I'll chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have Irish coffees, or chocolate, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quitely I'll cry:
'I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore -
But isn't that what January's for?'
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Anyone affected by this poem can ring the special diet helpline on the following number: 808080028 (Ate Nothing, Ate Nothing, Ate Nothing, Nothing to Ate)!