PMing etiquette?

T

truthseeker

Registered User
Messages
2,577
Hi,
Just wanted to ask other peoples thoughts on this:

Recently a user PMed me (out of the blue), stating that they didnt have enough posts under their belt to post in the depths, but that they felt very strongly about a thread upon which I was posting and then basically proceeded to have a rant (mostly coming from the opposing viewpoint to mine) and then signed off in a friendly manner.

There was nothing sinister about it - actually it was quite friendly in tone.

I felt a bit weird about it - I was happy enough to be posting to a public thread but I didnt fancy having a private debate on the subject with an unsolicited stranger.

What do other people think about that?

Is there an ettiquette surrounding PMing?
truthseeker
 
When you think about it all PMs are 'out of the blue' really!

Personally, I send and receive PMs fairly regularly these days - although when I first had reason to send a PM - my tone was almost apologetic, not really knowing how my post would be received. Similarly, the first unsolicited PM I received, and was advised of via pop up notification, made me think for a second "what on earth could they want?"

Sometimes I have sent PMs that I half expected a response from but didn't get, and that's no problem either. I'd always respond to a PM in some way myself though. Maybe I'm a bit too casual about it though and people may of course see it as an annoyance or intrusion - which is fair enough.

(Maybe I should have just sent all this by PM )
 
Under User CP-->Edit Options there's a tick box for "Receive Private Messages only from Buddies and Moderator".

Don't know about PM etiquette. I got a PM from someone that was arguing with the mods about something stupid. I just told him to take a breath and apologise as resistance is futile even if you think you're in the right.
 

The PM was sent because the individual felt strongly about a point you made, but could not air this publicly. I am sure he/she would have done so had they had the requisite number of posts. As the tone was friendly, I myself would be very receptive to such a PM.
 
Thanks all, was interesting to see other peoples takes on it.

gebbel - yes indeed, thats exactly why it was sent and yes the tone was perfectly friendly - but I sort of wondered 'does this person want me to have a private debate with them?' - which I didnt particularly want to do.

caveat - i didnt think it was intrusive, i was more just a bit taken aback and wondering was this life on AAM??
 
truthseeker said:
gebbel - yes indeed, thats exactly why it was sent and yes the tone was perfectly friendly - but I sort of wondered 'does this person want me to have a private debate with them?' - which I didnt particularly want to do.
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I would say just ignore the message if you are in any way not happy about it. But in a sense, your experience was a bit of a compliment really - despite your differing views you were 'chosen' as a recipient for the poster to say things which s/he was unable to otherwise say.

caveat - i didnt think it was intrusive, i was more just a bit taken aback and wondering was this life on AAM??
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Generally the PMs I receive/send tend not to continue debates but are more either chat/banter orientated or loosely related to a thread but would be OT for the forum. Your experience was a little different in that the poster no longer had a 'voice' and felt there was more to be said - I wouldn't say it's that common - not in my experience anyway, but of course I could be completely wrong.
 
I've gotten a few unsolicited ones as follow on from posts/threads which I have ignored, to me they were no better than SPAM.
 
Only ever got a total of 5 PMs from total of 3 AAMers, on threads where was happy to reply so I guess they don't feature much on my radar.
 
I'd be happy enough to recieve any PM that was friendly. If someone takes the time to write to me then I would certainly reply. It does sound a little strange but as Caveat said, maybe you were the "chosen" one! If you're not comfortable though, a line back saying thanks for their comments but you don't really want to take the discussion "private" might be an appropriate response?
 
Deal with PMs as you would emails. If you have any issue/problem with any unsolicited communications then just ignore or delete them. If you think that PMs are suspicious or possibly spam then report them/the sender to the moderators. I don't really see what the issue is here. A modicum of common sense is all that is needed. Not a poll of what other people might do in similar circumstances.
 
ClubMan said:
Deal with PMs as you would emails. If you have any issue/problem with any unsolicited communications then just ignore or delete them. If you think that PMs are suspicious or possibly spam then report them/the sender to the moderators.
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PMs are NOT emails - hence I wondered if there was an ettiquette I was unaware of.

ClubMan said:
I don't really see what the issue is here.
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My original post states exactly what the issue is - I was unsure of PMing ettiquette.

ClubMan said:
A modicum of common sense is all that is needed. Not a poll of what other people might do in similar circumstances.
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I wasnt looking for a poll - I was shooting the breeze in a forum entitled Shooting the Breeze.
 
I once got a 'profile warning' from CCOVICH stating 'Don't get personal'. Anyway, thinking I had offended a user, I PM'ed them. They replied and said that they weren't offended and made no complaint. I couldn't respond to CCOVICH because they've disabled PMing.

Top tip: you can disable PMs.
 
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