Pet Lovers - help?

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Audrey

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I don't expect most of you to understand, but I'm addressing this to those who just may understand. I am distraught at the recent loss (Thursday 8th) of my wonderful cat, Sophie, aged 15. I have always been an animal lover, and it was bound to be a terrible shock and a painful loss, but I am beside myself with grief. She was never "just a cat" to me, although I do understand that some people can only view animals that way. As I say, I speak only to those who truly understand my feelings. Does anybody know of such a thing as bereavement counselling for those who have lost pets? I thought I had heard of it some years ago, but cannot find anything on the internet.
There will be some of you who feel I am being ridiculous and that there are far more important things in life. If that is you, please don't respond to this post ... please just let it be. To those who understand some of what I'm experiencing, if you think you can help me I would appreciate a response. I have other cats, and I love them, and I love all animals, but Sophie was something more - something special.
 
Hi Andrewa,

Im sorry for your loss and that you are so upset. Im a cat lover myself, so I know how attached you can become. I dont know any specific service in dublin. When I googled it I found this:

[broken link removed]

I would suggest dropping into your local vets and asking them, I know veterinary nurses do bereavement counselling training.

Try and give it some more time too, its very soon.

Again, Im very sorry, I know its like losing a very good loyal friend.

casiopea.
 
Thank you Casio. It is good to know that somebody understands. I did see the "Clare" web address but was hoping for something in Dublin. I will talk to the Vet on my way home today, although it will be sad visiting there again - the Vet did have to help Sophie on her away in the end.

Thanks again.
 
I'm sorry for your loss Andrewa. I know how you feel. I was in bits when my little dog died aged 16 in 2002.

But I agree with casiopea too. It's very, very soon. You're supposed to feel in bits (not that knowing that makes it any easier). Try to talk to some fellow animal lovers who you know will understand. I found that a great help (even if it did make me all wobbly-bottom-lipped too). If you're at a loss to find someone to talk to you'll find like-minded people here I'm sure and on animal-focused web sites (e.g. http://www.irishanimals.com (www.irishanimals.com), they have a special 'Rainbow Bridge' section on their discussion board where people can post memories of their late pets, you'll probably be able to find details on counselling if you feel that's what you need too)

Try to avoid the 'only an animal' types for the time being ... I nearly burst into tears in my office when someone laughed at how our family were in bits saying 'sure it was only a dog'! Sheesh!

Have you had a little ceremony to say thanks and goodbye to and for Sophie yet? If not maybe you could focus your energy into planning an appropriate memorial (plant something special on her grave or in her favourite spot in the garden, maybe sponsor a cat in Cat's Aid in her memory?)

Give yourself time and permission to say goodbye to Sophie and to miss her. It doesn't feel like it now but you'll feel better eventually. Keep well.
 
I have no suggestion Andrewa, I'm afraid. I just wanted to sympathise too - I know what it's like to love an animal to bits and fall apart when they go. I agree with coolaboola's suggestions about finding like-minded peolpe and steering clear of the others for now.

Take care
Rebecca
 
Thank you so much everybody. You have helped and I will try that website as suggested. You are right - it is early days. We do not have a garden, and so didn't take Sophie home. We opted instead for an individual cremation and her ashes will be delivered to us in a week or so. Then I may be able to have that 'ceremony' of thanksgiving. Thank you all very much.
Audrey
 
It is important to recognise that however much you talk, and however much 'counselling' you get, this is a very painful process of bereavement, Audrey. Mourning a pet who has been your companion for 16 years is harrowing and as others have said above, will take time.

Was Sophie simply old and frail in the end and too tired to go on, or did she have a specific condition? Had you been anticipating this for awhile or is it out of the blue?

You may find the Blue Cross online Pet Bereavement Support Service helpful: http://www.bluecross.org.uk/web/site/home/home.asp
 
Thank you Marie. I'm pleasantly surprised at the responses I have received today.

Sophie had a lump 12 months ago (breast). Having discussed all possible ramifications with the Vet, I decided that I would do nothing about it. Obviously everything spread, whilst I wasn't aware of it. She was absolutely fine (first class) until a week ago. Then I noticed her breathing was laboured. I had her x-rayed, etc etc. Her lungs were completely eaten up with the cancer - no wonder she couldn't breathe. On Thursday morning I expected she had a number of weeks to live, and I cancelled Christmas arrangements with family "just in case". That night she was so so very bad (struggling) that, against all my better instincts and wishes, I phoned the Vet and arranged to take her around there (he wouldn't come to the house). He said that she was, in fact, dying, and that she wouldn't last the night, but that she would have a bad time at the end. It was the only option left open to me to give her a peaceful end. We (husband and I) cried loudly and despairingly in the surgery, but we knew what we had to do, and it was done. I can't seem to get over the fact that I took her around there, though I said I would never ever condone such a thing. Yet, in the end, she was struggling to breathe and I couldn't let her go on. Gosh, I hope I'm not upsetting everybody with this - I'm just telling it like it happened.
I feel that she trusted me implicitly, loved me unconditionally, and yet I "did this" to her. Anyway, Marie, thank you for your kind thoughts and support.
 
Andrewa, you did the right thing in taking your cat to the vet. After all you did look after her for all that time and you could'nt have done any more so dont blame yourself for anything.

It is very sad and I often think of my cats that died also fifteen and sixteen years old. I have five now some strays and one which came from Mayo cat rescue. Each cat has their own personality ( which you probably know ) and if you have the room to offer a homeless cat somewhere to live then you would be doing a great deed. I do sympathise as other people have and wish you good luck.
 
Audrey it is a very very tough call to have to make (I'm dreading the same situation any minute with my old frail dog, hence my empathy with you). Essentially you had to decide whether to let the poor beast continue to suffer and struggle for breath and die in pain OR put aside your 'principles' and let her go in peace and you found the courage to do your best by your dear pet.
 
Thanks Marie. I'm just sitting here talking to a friend about the same thing. Thank you for your support. Whenver the time comes for you I hoep you get the same support from others.

Audrey
 
We too have an elderly dog whose time is not far away to go and we dread having to see the end of a dear friend. Can't offer anything except really sorry for the loss you have suffered and hope you have brighter days ahead soon.
 
Andrewa, one of my hardest moments was finding out that my cat had been put down while I was in Australia. The poor thing had been missing for days and my Mum found her one morning in the middle of the back garden. She couldn't move and had kidney failure. Taking her to the vet allowed her to slip away as peacefully as possible, and not drag it out. I was just sorry I wasn't there with her.

We had had a dog before that and he too had cancer in the end. I was with him at the vet for his last moments, and although they were hard, it will stay with me forever.

Ultimately, the fact that you were there and took that decision for Sophie meant that up until the very last, you were loyal and loving to her. Don't think anything else.

When I found out about Tia, I sobbed and sobbed for days over it, but I needed to grieve. You do too, so allow yourself to mourn.
 
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