Parenting tips

TOP TIP:
When your child has a slightly runny nose and wet mouth insist that he gives kisses goodbye to your visitors - on their mouths, ignore the fact that they are cringing away from his wet open mouth and sniffly nose and that although you may think its cute they absolutely hate it but feel they cant tell you they think its disgusting because you'll take that as a slight upon your little darling.
 
While everyone is eating, swing baby upside down and sniff bum loudly to see if it's time for a nappy change. Make loud 'yuck' noises if it is....
 
Nappies - the picture goes to the front

When dressing an infant - Stretch the clothes and not the child!
 
on a semi-serious note I gather you no longer make up formula and put it in the fridge, you boil the water, let it cool a bit, put it in a flask, make up a bottle with the warm/lukewarm water when needed.

Makes sense, nothing worse that walking around in the cold in your jocks, waiting for the bottle to defrost for your darling. & dont microwave it (seriously, apparently), and test it on your hand, and if you use a fraction too much formula your child could turn green (the last one is a particularly good tip for first time parents - cue Intel like lab conditions & scientific measurement of formula )
 
 
a good book (real) for kids when mammy is expecting is called "where willy went"

It follows the story of willy who is a sperm living inside mr browne and is training for a marathon to try and reach the egg inside mrs browne.
 
Chicken nuggets are an essential part of balanced nutrition & should be part of the daily staple diet.

Ensure to entice your child to do what you want (like behaving perhaps) by rewarding them with even more chicken nuggets!
 
sandrat said:
a good book (real) for kids when mammy is expecting is called "where willy went"

It follows the story of willy who is a sperm living inside mr browne and is training for a marathon to try and reach the egg inside mrs browne.
Click to expand...

no pun intended I suppose in the title !!, but isnt that too much info for a kid. We are currenlty explaining theres a baby in Mammy's tummy - no requirement to explain how it got there at this stage.

When they do ask where babies come from I'll announce I'm off to McDonalds - that always seems to work........
 
AJC said:
Nappies - the picture goes to the front
Click to expand...


Great tip,

My wife told me that one with an exasperated look on her face. It was nearly a mantra I had in the early days "picture to the front" "picture to the front" ,

Now I can change a nappy with my eyes closed
 

Best laugh I've had all week.
 
How many phone calls do your under fives receive?

Is "John, Mary, little Johnny and Little Mary are not available, please leave a message" really necessary on your voicemail???
 
If your baby is crying on the plane, do please repeatedly threaten it to make it shut up, and if the threats fail, hit it.

(People on the seat next to me...... )
 
When I was younger I was sitting on a plane next to a (very drunk) couple who were knocking back drink at a great rate and when she got a bit loud and said something to him that obviously mad him mad he hit her a thump and she started crying and he turned to me and apologised for her behaviour!
 

.........best laugh I had all day!
 

Good show. Mr Slappy seems the proper gentleman !
 
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