One Parent Family

[Alie]

Hello everyone,
I'm just wondering is there anyone who can offer any advice.
I'm a mam of one child I've been claiming the above benefits and I haven't broken a single rule for three years.
But I want to move on now, I want a job.
I am currently living at home with my parents, two sisters and two brothers and things are tough. Let's just say there's a lot of personal issues with certain members of the family.
Anyway I am in a relationship with my child's father but we do not cohabit, I care for our child 24/7, he pays no matainence and I am his sole carer.
My child's father works 5 days a week at unsociable hours so we only see him two days a week.
But we want to move in together start a new life together as a family, its seeming impossible as nobody will hire me as I have no experience and rent in Dublin is crazy high. So obviously if we can't afford to move in together. I am trying so hard to get a job we are even looking at moving out of Dublin so rent isn't as high. Still that means he has to quit his job and we both have to find a job down the country in the same area, that's not working out to well. I genuinely want to work and I'm extremely grateful to live in a country where you receive so much help, as I was a teenager in school when I became pregnant, and I even repeated 6th year just so I could get a Leaving Certificate thinking it would help me to find a job. I have always played by the book and I will never change that as it disgusts me that people cheat of taxpayers money! I also have to take medication daily and I fear that if I move in with the father and we both get jobs I won't be able to afford this medication and it is vital, thank God for the medical card or I don't know what I would do.
So can anyone offer me advice about getting a job, a course, or anything that can get me started?
Or will I just have to continue life, the way it is? Do not tell me to chance cohabiting or to cheat the system, I am defiantly not willing to do that.
Thank You.

 

[GDUFFY]

Anyway I am in a relationship with my child's father but we do not cohabit, I care for our child 24/7, he pays no matainence and I am his sole carer.
My child's father works 5 days a week at unsociable hours so we only see him two days a week.
But we want to move in together start a new life together as a family,

Why are you still in a "relationship" with the father who doesn't even help you raise the child. What does he spend all his hard earned money on ? the pub ? the bookies ? We need Judge Judy here to sort out these deadbeat dads ! He should be at very least be paying money towards the child's upbringing, Unfortunately this type of arrangment is all to common in Ireland ,and the whole Welfare system facilitates it ! Rant over.

 

[Black Sheep]

This does not sound like a good basis to set up home together. As the previous poster has said he should be (is obliged to) paying maintenance for HIS child instead of you collecting a payment from the State. It is the duty of parents to maintain their children not the duty of the State.

You say you are the sole carer, do you expect this will change if you move in together. Think long and hard before you move.

I fully appreciate that there are, and will always be issues where 3 generations share one household but this may not be the best route for you at the moment.

 

[kopatroopa]

If you advised the one parent family board you were still in a relationship with the childs father on application then they wouldnt have granted the one parent family payment.

 

[SarahMc]

The leaving cert on its own is not really enough to get you a job. You really need to look at further training and education. Make an appointment with the Adult Guidance Officer in your local VEC to discuss what sort of course you would like to do.

Get maintenance sorted. It is not fair that your childs father is not contributing.

 

[commonsense]

Hello everyone,
I'm just wondering is there anyone who can offer any advice.
I'm a mam of one child I've been claiming the above benefits and I haven't broken a single rule for three years.
But I want to move on now, I want a job.
I am currently living at home with my parents, two sisters and two brothers and things are tough. Let's just say there's a lot of personal issues with certain members of the family.
Anyway I am in a relationship with my child's father but we do not cohabit, I care for our child 24/7, he pays no matainence and I am his sole carer.
My child's father works 5 days a week at unsociable hours so we only see him two days a week.
But we want to move in together start a new life together as a family, its seeming impossible as nobody will hire me as I have no experience and rent in Dublin is crazy high. So obviously if we can't afford to move in together. I am trying so hard to get a job we are even looking at moving out of Dublin so rent isn't as high. Still that means he has to quit his job and we both have to find a job down the country in the same area, that's not working out to well. I genuinely want to work and I'm extremely grateful to live in a country where you receive so much help, as I was a teenager in school when I became pregnant, and I even repeated 6th year just so I could get a Leaving Certificate thinking it would help me to find a job. I have always played by the book and I will never change that as it disgusts me that people cheat of taxpayers money! I also have to take medication daily and I fear that if I move in with the father and we both get jobs I won't be able to afford this medication and it is vital, thank God for the medical card or I don't know what I would do.
So can anyone offer me advice about getting a job, a course, or anything that can get me started?
Or will I just have to continue life, the way it is? Do not tell me to chance cohabiting or to cheat the system, I am defiantly not willing to do that.
Thank You.

Alie, both you and your boyfriend are cheating the system. You have and continue to break the rules.

As others have said, why would you think that moving in with this person will change anything for you?

Any man (or woman) that does not financially/physically/emotionally support their child is a deadbeat, a loser.

You sound very young, I think you are 19 and if I were a betting woman I would say that a lot of your issues in your family home stem from this relationship.

The best support that you have at the moment is your family and I would urge you to try and work on this relationship - rather on the one that will not last.

As the father appears to be completely irresponsible and ignorant of his obligations to his child, you are the only person (apart from your family) that has your childs best interests at heart.

Taking him from your family home is absolutely the worst thing you can do for him.

How will you go to work/college without the support of your family?

You think this guy will support you when he doesn't even support his child?

When you have a child so young, you need to grow up fast and think about your child, not yourself, not the father - but what is best for the child.

Check out the Back to education scheme, also speak to your Social welfare officer about the father and ask them to pursue maintanence, if they knew he was working they would come after him, you should be making every effort to get him to support his own child. The state should not be doing his job for him.

Try to sit with your family and discuss the issue - with their help and support you can make a better life for both you and your child.

Ditch the loser. He brings nothing to your life. He gives nothing to this relationship. He does not look after his own flesh and blood.

If you move in with him and leave Dublin, your situation will be worse, not better.

Good luck.

 

[Mrs Vimes]

I think people are being rather harsh on the OP here - she is very young and trying to find a way to do the best thing for her child by raising him in a stable family.

I agree that the boyfriend should of course be supporting his son.

If they do move in together then she may be entitled to FIS depending on the boyfriend's earnings.

If you advised the one parent family board you were still in a relationship with the childs father on application then they wouldnt have granted the one parent family payment.

This is not correct, according to the rules of OPFP the parent claiming must not be cohabiting in order to qualify.

If you were not married to the parent of your child/children you do not need to seek maintenance from the other parent when you first claim OFP. However you must make efforts to seek maintenance from the other parent to continue to be eligible for OFP.

Alie, both you and your boyfriend are cheating the system. You have and continue to break the rules.

They are not cheating the system and further are trying to regularise their situation as much as possible.

I would say that a lot of your issues in your family home stem from this relationship.

The best support that you have at the moment is your family and I would urge you to try and work on this relationship - rather on the one that will not last.

This is very presumptuous. It would be nice to think that everyone has a loving and supportive family at home who are the best people to help a young mother but unfortunately this isn't always the case and it seems from the OP that her family is perhaps not going to be helpful in the long term.

When you have a child so young, you need to grow up fast and think about your child, not yourself, not the father - but what is best for the child.

Can't argue with this!

Best of luck OP, hope it all works out for you.

 

[Alie]

Thank You all for your replies.
First of all I would like to point out I DO NOT CHEAT THE SYSTEM, if you don't believe me why don't you look into the OFP a bit more, take a look at the application form also!
Regarding my son's father not paying maintenance, he works crazy hours and makes barely anything. He has to drive to work, as it would take Three Buses to get there and he doesn't get off till very late and the bus services have ended, so that means he has tax, insurance and petrol to pay for, also his rent and bills etc. That leaves him with nothing when he has paid for everything! That is no exaggeration! He has paid maintenance when he had a better job a few years back. You might think why doesn't he quit the job he has for something better? and theres a simple answer to that, he can't and there is nothing better, do you know how hard it is to get a job in this country? I apply for absolutely every job I can everyday and get nothing in return. Anyway's he is a good father and he does his best for his son and we both hate that we have to rely on the government although we are also Thankful for such a government because without the welfare we would be poverty stricken.
commonsense like Mrs Vimes pointed out that is all very presumptuous. I am not 19 I am not a child. My family problems have nothing to do with my relationship. If you must know my father is an abusive alcoholic he physically abused me my entire life! That is my problem with living at home! It is not safe for my son!
As for the whole growing up thing I have! I do everything the best I can for my son! Can't you see my first post is a cry for help to do even BETTER!
I would like to say thank you very much Mrs Vimes for your non judgmental post I mean that will all my heart and thank you to SarahMC and Mrs Vimes because your posts were the only one's that offered advice i.e. FIS, VEC etc.

 

[commonsense]

If they do move in together then she may be entitled to FIS depending on the boyfriend's earnings.

But she will not be entitled to the OPF. As she is not entitled to it now.

This is not correct, according to the rules of OPFP the parent claiming must not be cohabiting in order to qualify.

Kopatroopa never mentioned co-habiting, what s/he said was:

"If you advised the one parent family board you were still in a relationship with the childs father on application then they wouldnt have granted the one parent family payment."

And that is quite correct as it says in the rules:

"One-Parent Family Payment (OFP) is a payment for men and women under 66 who are bringing children up without the support of a partner. To get this payment you must meet certain conditions and you must satisfy a means test."

Now in order to be eligable for the payment in the first place the OP had to claim that she was bringing up the child on her own without the support of the father - which is exactly what she said in her opening post:

"Anyway I am in a relationship with my child's father but we do not cohabit, I care for our child 24/7, he pays no matainence and I am his sole carer."


You are either in a relationship bringing up a child together, or you are not.

Thousands of parents are out working crazy unsocial hours, while their partners are at home - they don't claim to be "single parents" they don't not support their children.

They are not cheating the system and further are trying to regularise their situation as much as possible.

Oh yes they are - when she applied for the OPF - do you seriously think that had she said "I am in a relationship and my boyfriend is working" that she would be deemed eligable? Read the qualifying criteria again paying particular care to this part:

"Liability to maintain family Men and women are required, under the law, to pay maintenance to a dependent spouse, civil partner or cohabitant and any dependent children who are not living with them. These people are called 'liable relatives'. If you are a liable relative and fail to pay enough maintenance to your spouse, civil partner or cohabitant and dependent child(ren), you must contribute to the cost of the One-Parent Family Payment, which is paid to your family."

This is very presumptuous. It would be nice to think that everyone has a loving and supportive family at home who are the best people to help a young mother but unfortunately this isn't always the case and it seems from the OP that her family is perhaps not going to be helpful in the long term..

Agreed, it was, but when I read that the father was contributing nothing and that the OP stated "I care for our child 24/7, he pays no matainence and I am his sole carer". It really seemed very odd and as a parent, if my daughter was in such a situation I would be furious.

Anecdotally I know of one young person in his mid 20's, on the dole who has a child and is not with the mother - 50 Euro per week is deducted from his dole payment and transferred to the mother.
In turn her OPF is reduced by 50 Euro.