never ending story

Never ending

"I can show you more if you like, there's lots I'd like to show you; they're in my bedroom".

Dunphy was intrigued. Gallagher excited. His chest heaved. Gallagher popped open an Chilean Chardonnay - a fruity little number from his recent trip to Lidl in Longford. Aldi was tempting too but he just didn't have the few bob. He poured a glass and pushed it into Dunphy's strong muscular hand. It was at that point he remembered..
 
story

> It was at that point he remembered..

that he had a nice bottle of chianti and some fava beans in the fridge. So he ...
 
nes

sauteed Dunphy, fried him and ate an arm and a leg with the Chianti. Feeling rather sick he cursed Dr Atkins and his diet. Later, on his way home to Abbeville he met CJH busking on Grafton Street ...
 
CJH

He offered a slice of Dunphy’s stir fried bottom to CJH which was politely declined. Gallagher shuffled his feet and stared at the ground in hot embarrassment. Everyone knew CJH was more of a leg man.

In gratitude, however, CJH offered to sing a song for Gallagher. He sat up straight plucked a few cursory notes on his harp and cleared his throat in anticipation of that which would metamorphisise into ‘Money’s Too Tight to Mention’ by Simply Red. His vocal concentration, however was distracted by the soothing sensation of warm fluid trickling down the back of his left leg. Horrified, he turned around and
 
Re: CJH

> Horrified, he turned around and

realised that the brown paper bag that he had been given by Ben Dunne earlier in the Ilac Center contained not money as he had expected, but frozen peas, which had now melted.

Slipping his Harp into is extremely deep pocket, he headed off to...
 
Shirts

Thomas Pinks. It'd been ages since he bought a nice new shirt. Sure it wasn't what he was used to but to him it was as close to designer that he'd get and sure is'nt it a Louis Vuitton brand.

He tried on a lovely green shirt. "The girls will love it", he smiled. It was perfect indeed but the brown paper bag was full of soggy peas now not money and how on earth was he going to buy this shirt.

Mary Harney was in the fitting room and he got an idea.
 
Re: Shirts

> Mary Harney was in the fitting room and he got an idea.

Slipping a pair of Boxers into her plastic carrier bag which was outside the dressing room. He waited for the commotion as the alarms went off when Mary left the store.

During the confusion and with alarm bells still ringing, CJ slipped unnoticed out of the store with a couple of shirts and a new suit.

In his haste he bumped into Bill....
 
nes

Bin Laden, the reserved and reclusive brother of Osama. "
 
Re: nes

Of course, Bill Bin Laden and Charlie go way back. Why only last summer they...
 
.....

....went all the way back.

During the meanwhile, on another darkened back street, the Minister for Transport was practising his three-point turn.

Small boys stood and laughed as....
 
Re: .....

he mounted the kerbs of the pathway.
The minister called for the boys to come over and when they did he grabbed them and ....
 
Re: .....

....realised that they towered over his dimunitive frame. "Hey lads" he sqeaked "What time is the next LUAS due?"
 
Re: .....

"I've just failed my driving test for the tenth time", said the Minister for Transport, "and they won't let me take it again. But if the papers ever got wind of why I'm such a big fan of Luas, I'd be the laughing stock of......"
 
Re: .....

the Justice dept & the garda when its revealed that i've clocked up 10 penalty points already. But never mind I know who's buttons to push so that 'my slate is wiped clean' . It non other than...
 
Re: .....

> It's non other than...

The transition year student they have drawing lines in the Penalty Points book at the local station because the system isn't computerised.

People should have known I had my reasons for a paper based system. I haven't trusted computers ever since...
 
Computers

I did one of those online tests that determines whether a person is right or wrong in the majority of situations. Being a man, the result that should have been was that I'm largely right in all cases but I was amazed to find the converse. I reckoned the bloody thing was devised by some nasty feminist.

I even took another test that assessed my navigation skills and I performed below average. I just don't believe it.

It assessed my emotional side as non existant and my caring and affection skills as being 'lame' of all things. "But I'm a man" I though to myself, I am brilliant, I am...
 
Re: Computers

...just waking up from a nightmare in which I though I was Minister for Transport. Thank God, things could be so much worse, imagine being responsible for all those holes and collapsing basements and traffic jams. No...not me! Sometimes I'm grateful for my lowly job as....
 
Re: Computers

Minister for Health. Jaysus sometimes ya know its a hard job trying to look sincere & pretending that I give a This post will be deleted if not edited to remove bad language about some auld one who's lying on a trolly in a hospital corridor for the last year and a half waitin for a hip replacement.

"Get up outta dat" says I "& have an aul holiday for Yourself,twill do ya the world of good".....speaking of which where's my golf clubs & the passport. "Seamus start up de aul jet & lets get crackin". "Who else is comming on the junkett?". Is....
 
Re: Computers

> "Who else is comming on the junkett?". Is....

Paisley and Adams going to join the 4 ball? Isn't great crack all the same how they convince everyone they hate each other and all the time there the best of friends.

Did I tell you about the time they played doubles table tennis and Paisley turned to Adams and said ....
 
Re: Computers

'NEVER NEVER NEVER .. that ball was never out.'

To hell with this, I'm going to the pub to have a few jars. The laughin' Shamrocks are playing in O'Malleys tonight, They're great crack Gerry. Let me round up a few of the lads & we'll have a right session. Let me give David a call.....'Hiya David, is that You? What are You up to this evening???.........
 
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