Mental Institution Phone Menu

L

Lex Foutish

Registered User
Messages
825
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Institution.


Please select from the following options menu:-



If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly .

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Please stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, please hang up. It doesn't matter which number you press. Nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, please press 9-6-9-6.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, please press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, please press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, please press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, please put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, please don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.
 
Sure look, you could call it insensitive or you could call it subtle education. Far more damage is done by the tabloid "beast" headlines any time someone suffering from mental illness commits a crime - cue visions of axe murderer timebombs throughout the land.

I'd question 2 of the comments though, same thing different name as it happens:

Manic depressive - you'll never be happy. Fact is the "manic" phase can have people very "happy".
Bi-polar - press something before or after the beep or ........ I dont get the joke in that one.


& I realise the maxim that explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog, you can do it but the frog dies in the process.
 
callybags said:
Can't decide whether that is very good or in bad taste.... or both....
Click to expand...

Absolutely no bad intention or wish to cause offence, Callybags. It was an email that I got about a month ago. Apologies if anyone has been offended.

I'm still trying to decide exactly how many of them I would select! :confused:
 
For some reason I dont like it, I don't think I could forward it to some of my friends, some are depressed from the impact of the recession.:eek:
 
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