Maintenance Payments Query

Hi all, I am looking for some advice regarding maintenance payments from my son's father. My son was conceived almost 8 years ago and, although I was in a relationship with the father at the time, this broke down during my pregnancy as I discovered he had fathered another child at the same time. I told him that he could be involved with the child when it was born but he then proceeded to spiral out of control on drugs etc. so for thhe sake of my sanity I moved away and cut all contact.

When my son turned one, I received contact from his father saying that he wanted to meet him and against my better judgement i went ahead with this. He showed up late, clearly hungover and did nothing but talk about his other child who he was now supporting, although he was no longer with the mother of this child either. Once again, i decided to cut contact. This may have been selfish but at the time, I felt it was best for me and my son.

There was no further contact between us until March of last year when my son began to ask questions about his dad so i got in touch with him and asked to meet him. We met alone first and I highlighted the fact that I was not looking for money and I simply wanted them to have the opportunity to form a relationship. i did advise him that if he wanted to contribute financially, he could do so by opening a savings account and leave money there for when my son turns 18. The one thing I asked was that he think carefully about whether he wanted to begin a relationship because I did not want him showing up for a few times and then disappearing. He swore this would not be the case.

Of course, true to form, after three visits over a period of as many months, the visits stopped and I heard nothing from him. In August I emailed and text him to say that my son was asking for him and wondering would he be returning. Nothing!! I was more than a little annoyed as my son is now at an age where he questions everything and i worry that this will give him a complex in the future and that he may feel "unwanted".

Last Sunday my son turned seven, and I text his father once again asking how he can live with himself and again I heard nothing back.

I never wanted money from him. We get by although it is a struggle. I am currently a student, working part-time with a mortgage and some weeks it is hard to make ends meet but we manage. Unfortunately, as times are so hard, I am unable to put any money aside for the future and I worry that this will affect us in the future when it comes to college etc.

So, I am now considering chasing this guy for maintenance payments that could be used as savings for my son's future and I wonder what is the best way to go about this. I know that he is working as a public servant and he is also supporting his other child. How much is reasonable to ask for? Should I try and organize this between us or should I immediately take the legal route? I worry that if i try to do it myself, he will continue to ignore me as he as done. And if I take the legal route, what costs will be involved in this as I am unable to afford much in this regard at the moment?

Sorry for rambling for so long but as you can imagine, I am very frustrated at present. All help and advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated!!

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The guy's clearly a loser. A sister of mine was in a similar situation many years ago. Forget about him. Even if you took the legal route and got maintainence, do you think he'd actually pay?

Hi,

I would apply immediately to the family court for maintenance for your son. As he is a public servant (PAYE worker), the court will deduct your maintenance from his wages directly if he doesn't pay it by himself.

Thanks for your replies. That's what I was thinking Burmo, because he's a public servant then he wouldn't be able to avoid making the payments. Like I said, money wasn't an issue with me until he stopped making the visits and now I just want him to be forced to take responsibility and maybe if he has to make payments and be involved, he will reconsider spending time with his son.

Why should he be supporting and spending time with his other child while my beautiful, kind, intelligent son misses out?! It makes me so mad!!

You are trying to force the father to have contact with his son by seeking maintenance? So you think money will mean he will have contact. Doesn't seem like the right way to go about things. When he initially did want to establish contact you stopped that contact and now he has not had a relationship with his son. Have you suggested he meet the boy on neutral ground, his paternal grandparents perhaps, without you being present?

With you being a student and on low income you may be entitled to free legal aid, as far as i know your local social welfare office will give you contact details for your local legal aid office although it may be quicker to google it and contact them directly. They will initiate court proceedings on your behalf at no cost and will charge only E50 for representing you in court when you seek maintenance. You should certainly seek maintenance through the courts as burmo pointed out they may be able to directly deduct your sons payments from his salary and if not for every time he fails to pay he is in breach of a court order and so is breaking the law - He may take the matter more seriously this way. As bronte said, maintenance will not force access but if his dad won't be there for him then you need to be and financially securing his future is certainly of utmost importance.