Joker

>A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the
>Office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a
>truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the
>driver's door.
>
>Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the
>accident and pulled up behind the Lexus, his lights flashing.
>
>But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer
>started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had
>just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would
>never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new
again.
>
>After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his
>head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic
>you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions
>that you neglect the most important things in life."
>
>"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
>
>The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is
>missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!"
>
>"OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer.
>
>MY ROLEX!"

For all the sports fans
>
> >
> > A NEWFIE LOVE POEM
> >
> > Of course I love ya darling
> > You're a bloody top notch bird
> > And when I say you're gorgeous
> > I mean every single word
> >
> > So ya bum is on the big side
> > I don't mind a bit of flab
> > It means that when I'm ready
> > That there's somethin there to grab
> >
> > So your belly isn't flat no more
> > I tell ya, I don't care
> > So long as when I cuddle ya
> > I can get my arms round there
> >
> > No woman who is your age
> > Has nice round perky breasts
> > They just gave in to gravity
> > But I know ya did ya best
> >
> > I'm tellin ya the truth now
> > I never tell ya lies
> > I think its very sexy
> > That you've got dimples on ya thighs
> >
> > I swear on grannies grave now
> > The moment that we met
> > I thought u was as good as
> > I was ever gonna get
> >
> > No matter wot u look like
> > I'll always love ya dear
> > Now shut up while the hockey's on
> > And fetch another beer.
> >