Joke

H

Henny Penny

Registered User
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559
Heard this on the radio this morning ... still smiling

What do you call a snail in a boat?
A snailor.
 
Two Dubs were standing at the base of a flagpole,
looking up.

A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.
Jonno replied, "We're supposed to be finding the fook'n height of
this fook'n flagpole, but we don't have a fook'n ladder."
The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag,
loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down.

She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few
measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches.

Then, she walked off.

Jonno says to Davo, "Isn't that just like a blonde! We
need the fook'n height and she gives us the fook'n length."
 
Cavan couple win the lottery. Suddenly they have more money than they could have dreamt of.

The wife asks the husband "What are we going to do about the begging letters?"

The husband thinks for a while and replies, "Keep sending them out."
 
AN old Cavan man is on his death bed, He hears his wife of 60 years busy baking in the kitchen. He catchs the smell of her renowed spotted dick, his favorite. He manages to drag himself to the kitchen and reaches out his hand to get one last taste. His wife swiftly knocks his hand aside and says
" feck off, thats for the funeral"
 
What did the northside tongue say to the southside tongue?


"You've no taste, bud!"
 
Confucius - he say, "Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead to undoing of fly".
 
What about the Kerryman who fell out the window? ----- He was ironing the curtains.
 
What do you get if you cross a door knocker with some courgettes, onions, tomatoes and garlic?










Rat-a-tat-a-touille!
 
The train was quite crowded, and a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.

'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'

She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the
little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honor! this American should be put in his place!'

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong b1tch out the window.
 
If we're talking about dogs I may as well add that unfortunately my dog was killed yesterday, he somehow managed to get himself locked into the washing machine. I will say though that it looked like he died in comfort.
 
car said:
If we're talking about dogs I may as well add I my dog was killed yesterday, he somehow managed to get himself locked into the washing machine. I will say though that it looked like he died in comfort.
Click to expand...

you don't work for Unilever by any chance do you?
 
Woofwoof! Alltogether now .... How much is that doggy in the Creda. No connection whatsoever - just a satisfied reader.
 
two Cavan men walking down the road,

one sees an unopened wage packet in the gutter,

'you lucky dog' the other says

lucky?
have you seen the tax i'm paying!
 
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