Joke ...

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized
that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up
the whole world.

One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with
one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting
dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to
dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler
females in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest
Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy
from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They
used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the
biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel
bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with
a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt
sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that
this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's
cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian
dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American
dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's
neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed the Russian
dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in
disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We
had our best people working for five years with the meanest
Doberman and Rottweiler females in the world and the biggest
meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic
surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a
Dachshund.

Excellent....did not see that one coming at all...

ninsaga

oh bonus points for that.

i want a raise
I, the P, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I don't get paid overtime.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious Diseases.

Dear P:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the Administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.