Husband not paying mortgage

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mojo

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Hi all i am looking for some advice please .I work part time 12 hours a week home and the rest of the time i am a sahm .I am married 6 years but we never had a joint account and although i am very good with money dh is not .

I pay all the stuff to do with kids house etc plus my own car loan, credit card and anything i need such as clothes .I am not earning much but manage to make it stretch out, it is easier now i am not paying child care or preschool .My dh earns a very good wage above 70k a year and he pays mortgage and esb ,Internet ,Phone and his own credit card and that's it .I pay home heating and all groceries .

The thing is he is very lazy when it comes to paying the mortgage .He will often let it go 2 to 3 months in arrears and then pay it off in one go .It is not like the money is not there but he is just lazy about paying it and refuses to set up a direct debit to do it .I am so sick from getting the letters in the door that our mortgage is in arrears again as it is continuous .I am also worried about my credit rating at this stage but don't know how to change it .I have not got the means to pay it on top of everything else so feel powerless in this situation .When i bring it up i am nagging him and do i not realize how busy he is and he will get to it .I have suggested taking over finances and making sure its paid but he is having none of that.

Any suggestions in what i can do about this situation and do you think my credit rating is now affected I am scared to check at this stage .
 
Drag him down to the bank and make him fill out a dd.

If your name is on the mortgage then you credit is already in trouble for the next 5 years.
 
If your mortgage is in both names then your crediting rating will probably be affected if the bank chose to report it Check your ICB.
I was in a similiar situation but I set up his a/c on line & I manage it that way. You just put the mortgage a/c as a beneficiary.

Good luck.
Try tears & tantrums
 
That's unreal, he just simply decides he's too lazy. What happens when he realises he's gone too far into arrears and struggles to get back on top of it. I know you say he earns a good wage but money sitting around is going to be spent. Online banking, it takes a two minute phone call. Best of luck with it.
 
Thanks for the replies .I have ordered a copy of my credit report online and if it comes back my credit rating is affected all hell will break lose .I have never missed a car loan or credit card payment in my life and can be a bit pedantic about debts i hate having them and really only want to have mortgage and nothing else .Everything else is paid up to date but he cant see the issue with the mortgage .

I have tried the tantrums and crying believe me and it gets good for awhile and next thing the letters start again .He is just useless with money full stop and i have no idea what he spends it on .Don't get me wrong if i rang him now and asked for 300 euro he would give it to me not a issue .I don't tend to need to do this often as i manage well in what i have coming in and i am great with money .I sometimes think this also drives him a bit mad as he just cant budget .I am nervous about the credit report but it might be the kick needed if it is bad.
 
If he has an issue with setting up a DD to pay the mortgage, would he instead consider setting up a Standing Order to pay the mortgage amount into your account (or even give you the cash) each month instead? That way, you could take over the responsibility of paying the mortgage, and ensure it is paid on time. I know you mentioned that he didn't like the idea of having you take over all the finances, but maybe he'd go along with this just for the mortgage, while still leaving him with the other things. Incidentally, do the ESB, phone and internet bills get paid on time?
 
Mojo - If both your names are on the mortgage and payments have been missed you can guarantee there will be a hiccup on your credit report. Might not affect you greatly but will have some effect
 
I think i'd be concerned about where his money is going. Are you sure that the money is actually there to pay the mortgage? Or are you taking his word for it.

A responsible adult who has the funds wouldn't just ignore debts piling up. it seems odd.

I can't understand how your lender hasn't insited on a direct debit, i thought they all do?

As for him having none of you taking over finances. Well if he isn't going to do it, and he won't let you do it, who does he think will?

I think i'd have him out on his ear ny now to be honest!:eek:


best of luck.
 
Hi yes i meant to add both names are on the mortgage so my credit rating is most likely gone to pot .All other bills up to date and paid on time .I do feel it could be bad management of finances as the mortgage is due on the start of the month and he gets paid in the middle of month .I feel he thinks it is okay to have it a week or two late till wages is paid and then the odd month he then forgets to pay .

I know he has the money as such but he is really just hopeless at managing it . On paper we should be quite comfortable but never seem to have anything left at end of the month .I suppose i need to get tough here .i have threatened all sorts in the past and he has admitted he is crap with money ,At one stage he did say he would give me full control of finances but i think he thinks i am going to just give him a allowance or something while all i want is the mortgage paid and he can do what he wants with the rest of his disposable income as he does anyway .As i have said he will give me money no problem he is not mean, but i do feel not disclosing a lot of his out goings could be a form of control as he can be a little controlling.
 
mojo said:
I feel he thinks it is okay to have it a week or two late till wages is paid
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Well that's it. Just get the message across somehow that it is not okay to be late with mortgage payments.
He should pay two weeks in advance rather than two weeks late. It's as easy as that.
 
I pay all the stuff to do with kids house etc plus my own car loan, credit card and anything i need such as clothes .I am not earning much but manage to make it stretch out, it is easier now i am not paying child care or preschool .My dh earns a very good wage above 70k a year and he pays mortgage and esb ,Internet ,Phone and his own credit card and that's it .I pay home heating and all groceries .
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I think there are other issues other than just the mortgage.

You work for 12 hours per week + I assume you look after the house etc. Proportional, it would seem like you contribute a far greater amount than he does.

As a married couple (especially with kids), there shouldn't really be a his and her bank account other than maybe having some "fun money". It seems a strange set up to say you pay for a,b & c and he pays for x, y & z : the vast majority of your expenses are family expenses & you should set up a joint account out of which you pay all of your joint bills.

If you feel you need to have a separate account for your own expenses, decide on an amount you both retain for your account.

The idea of going to my husband and asking for money would really get me down. I did find it strange when I gave up work not to have my own money coming in, but my hubby never made me feel like I was spending his money.
 
I'm surprised that a person earning 70k per year is lazy.... he didnt get to a wage like that for being lazy. I think you need to put the foot down and get all money from both of you into one joint account and then transfer out say 500 per month into each of your own personal accounts to spend as ye want. The rest in the joint account to pay mortgage, bills, etc... and also to set aside some money into a savings account to build up a reserve.

On the mortgage front, go get a direct debit form, fill it in ....surely he is not that lazy that he wont lift his hand to sign it!!
 
chlipps said:
I'm surprised that a person earning 70k per year is lazy.... he didnt get to a wage like that for being lazy. I think you need to put the foot down and get all money from both of you into one joint account and then transfer out say 500 per month into each of your own personal accounts to spend as ye want. The rest in the joint account to pay mortgage, bills, etc... and also to set aside some money into a savings account to build up a reserve.

On the mortgage front, go get a direct debit form, fill it in ....surely he is not that lazy that he wont lift his hand to sign it!!
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That doesn't seem that strange to me - I command a salary close to that and I am very lazy when it comes to planning financial matters. Part of it is that I have a mentally demanding career that leaves me drained and unwilling to look at what should be straightforward simple matters in the household... I know myself to be a terrible procrastinator.

However I have a joint account with my fantastic wife who makes sure that it all works... somehow. So that is my advice, from the point of view of someone on the other side. Tell him that you need to put all your household contributions into a central pot, with a standing order on pay-day to move the agreed sums in, and that you will manage it from there.
 
Yeah - you need a joint account for all bills - this could end very serious missing mortgage payments. And get a standing order set up!!
 
sam h said:
As a married couple (especially with kids), there shouldn't really be a his and her bank account other than maybe having some "fun money". It seems a strange set up to say you pay for a,b & c and he pays for x, y & z : the vast majority of your expenses are family expenses & you should set up a joint account out of which you pay all of your joint bills.
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I disagree with this, myself and hubby hold seperate bank accounts and split all bills equally. We have no intention of opening a joint account.

It depends on how the couple want to manage their finances, what suits one doesnt suit all. In the OPs case they need some kind of joint account to ensure the mortgage gets paid though - otherwise the OPs credit rating suffers through no fault of her own.
 
I have come across his like. He probably feels he is calling the shots and not the bank.

I would suggest you insist on taking control of household finances, or at least anything that has your name on it as you have something personal to lose by his bad habit I.E your credit rating. He has to give you are certain amount of money per month to do this. I cant believe someone on 70K can treat you like this.. you guys need couple council or something as this cant be good for your relationship.
 
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