How to stop partner spending when in negative equity- (want advice)

My helpful point is if you control you partners money in what is supposed to be an equal relationship , you will find that more serious problems will develop

Perhaps the money box set up as mentioned by Laoibhse is consentual.

Some people (be they male or female) are hopeless at managing money and sometimes are grateful that somebody takes them by the hand and helps them out.

It works for Laoibhse and her hubby .... I'd be slow to accuse one of controlling the other without the fulls facts.

if I tried to put my wife on an allowance she would be gone .there is no way she would tolerate being treated like that , no more than I would, and I would not try to treat her like that.

But I do understand your point .

scwazrh said:

My helpful point is if you control you partners money in what is supposed to be an equal relationship , you will find that more serious problems will develop

Click to expand...

I think in healthy relationships, roles and tasks are allocated over time based on skillsets, talents and what one partner likes/dislikes to do.

For example my partner does the cooking, he is much better at it, and enjoys it, and I enjoy eating the meals he prepares and not stressing over what to cook tonight. I manage the finances, I enjoy it and am good at it. He enjoys that he doesn't have to stress about it. Neither of us is controlled by the other, and we have a very equal relationship.

But do you give him a money box for coins and make him save for big things??

My wife does the cooking because she is a chef and is brilliant at it.I clean the house because she does the cooking. I deal with banks etc but we agree our budget together. I would never tell her how much she is allowed because it's our money not mine to distribute as I see fit.

It seems to be that as a couple you have never addressed how to deal with money, yet you have very opposing views, you a prudent saver, him a spender.

Other than NE you don't mention other debts, credit cards, car loans etc, so you must have saved as a family to pay for cars and holidays - how did that work? And tbh if you have managed to save a substantial sum whilst on benefits, it would indicate that he is paying most/all of the bills now.

It may be that you are carrying on as always - you the one saving for a rainy day, either out of your wages or benefits - but supported by him paying for other expenditure, but you are panicing now because of job loss, lack of security and NE.