How to get rid of an adult child?

polly2000 said:

Quote "is there anyway he could claim that he should inherit the house of have a larger claim on the estate because he "cared" for the parents? “

There is every possibility of this happening ."

Could you elaborate please on this. In the case of no will being made is there a possibility of him making a claim on the property and getting a greater share than his siblings or have I taken this up all wrong?
P

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Just to be clear on this as the OP, in the specific case I am referring to above there is a will which states that the estate will be shared equally amongst the siblings.

To be absolutely blunt...........the family will have to put up with the consequences if this son (who sounds immature and overdependent) steers the parents into making over their dosh to himself.

The OP has intimated that the man is planting out the seeds that they are 'loosing it'. In law and as far as the medical profession are concerned persons deemed 'non compos mentis' have arrangements made on their behalf by Another who takes Power of Attorney.

Do you get the picture? This couple appear not to be being heard, either by the resident son or their other family members. It is all well and good for outsiders to suggest this couple should speak up and act up for themselves. That is not so easy when you have slowed right down and are frail. Doubtless they love and care about this son at the same time as experiencing him as intrusive and freeloading. They are parents. Tough call to throw him into the streets whilst they have room in their home for him.

It all needs some open calm discussion with an objective outsider. I know its anathema to some but how about mediation by a local priest or by the couple's GP before going the legal route?

Maybe the siblings could take the parents into one of their own houses for a period of time until things get sorted out. Mad suggestion maybe ?

imagine what this guy would do if the parents left their home...
he seems to be a right selfish git but saying that this is nothing new and is actually common enough where a middle aged man has seperated

have the parenbts ever actually asked him to leave and if so what was the reaction?

could the immediate family call a meeting and confront him with a group of immediate family members, spouses etc so that no one has to face him alone, then perhaps a couple of them stay over until he is gone so that he cant terrorize the parents when everyone goes home?

or could he be asked to stay in someone elses house and then asked to leave after a number of days/weeks - meanwhile locks changed in parents house?

what about having the local guards involved so that he knows there will be repercussions if he acts up and that this is not a 'behind closed doors' situation anymore?

sometimes blowing a situation like this out of the water involves telling everyone about it and removing the cover that the villian is hiding behind.

therave said:

this is nothing new and is actually common enough where a middle aged man has seperated

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Bit of a sweeping statement there? If you think not then perhaps you could cite some evidence...

truthseeker said:

what about having the local guards involved

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I doubt that they would get involved - it's a domestic, civil matter so is of no concern to them.

actually i know 3 instances where this has happened ,couple seperate and he moved back in with his parents,2 got their own places once they got sorted and 1 is still there but the parents approve...
sweep away

Ah - three instances. Fair enough. That obviously proves the general point so. Thanks...

I've seen a similar situation before, unless the parents are prepared to stand up to him, no-one else can help. Have they sat down with the other children to discuss what they want done, and how to do it? Have they sat down with anyone else? Has anyone actually offered practical help on how to get him out? They may be complaining, but so long as they won't actually do anything, he's set.

How about shaming him into leaving ?

"ah here he comes, the middle-aged man living with mammy" etc

Might be childish, but he'd get the point and maybe act on it ? Or is he the kind of person that wouldn't care what people think of him so long as he has an easy ride ?

Get him out of the house on his holidays, change locks get a barring order. Then it is the Gardaís problem.

It is not that easy to get a barring order, you must first obtain a protection order, and the person that the order is against is given an opportunity to speak for themselves in court.

Sorry to hear about this Roger, it sounds like a really difficult situation. I can understand that although his parents want him to leave they probably are not up to dealing with it. As my parents got older they were less and less able to deal with any stress.

I know there are probably different sides to the story - no doubt the man concerned believes he is acting for the best. I have found that even if people are behaving selfishly, they are usually convinced they are doing the right thing. Could he be pesuaded to take a holiday, preferably for a few weeks. Assuming his parents *can* manage without him for a couple of weeks, that would weaken his argument that he needs to be there.

I'd also suggest that one of the siblings/extended family takes him in until he can make other arrangments - it will be easier for them to get rid of him than a frail elderly couple. Although you feel he's behaving badly, it might be more effective to show him a bit of kindness - if he feels everyone is against him it might make him dig his heels in and the situation becomes worse. After all, a separation is no easy thing and starting over must be hard - maybe he is depressed. If he could be helped move on with his life, then that would ultimately help his parents.

Sorry it's all a bit long-winded!

g

truthseeker said:

It is not that easy to get a barring order, you must first obtain a protection order, and the person that the order is against is given an opportunity to speak for themselves in court.

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That's if he can be bothered to turn up. He sounds like an arrogant man that would thumb his nose at the legal process.

Moral Ethos said:

That's if he can be bothered to turn up. He sounds like an arrogant man that would thumb his nose at the legal process.

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Very true.

I don't believe that this is a Barring Order situation - there is no violence and no threat of violence. It does not appear as if the safety and welfare of the parents is at risk. It does not appear from the onesided and limited information provided that the parents would be willing to go this road. And unless they are willing to give evidence in Court ( forget about whether the son shows up or not) a Court will not make any Order.

If the parents want this person out of the house, they can do so without a Court Order. They simply remove all his belongings from the house some day when he is not there and change the locks. They probably do not want to do this. Isn't that the start and finish of it?

If they won't act. If they won't ask others to get involved. If they don't want the emotional fall out of dealing with their son - and the emotional fallout will be there whether they ask the rest of the family to deal with the situation, or instruct a solicitor to write a letter telling him they want him to leave, or seeking a Court Order.

mf

I agree with mf1 - no barring order or court order is required - the man in question does not have the right to live in the house. I would doubt that an application to get such an order would succeed. His status is that of a guest only and as such he can be asked to leave at any time.

mf1 said:

I don't believe that this is a Barring Order situation - there is no violence and no threat of violence. It does not appear as if the safety and welfare of the parents is at risk. It does not appear from the onesided and limited information provided that the parents would be willing to go this road. And unless they are willing to give evidence in Court ( forget about whether the son shows up or not) a Court will not make any Order.

If the parents want this person out of the house, they can do so without a Court Order. They simply remove all his belongings from the house some day when he is not there and change the locks. They probably do not want to do this. Isn't that the start and finish of it?

If they won't act. If they won't ask others to get involved. If they don't want the emotional fall out of dealing with their son - and the emotional fallout will be there whether they ask the rest of the family to deal with the situation, or instruct a solicitor to write a letter telling him they want him to leave, or seeking a Court Order.

mf

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Very well put MF1 - its quite simple really, if they want him out kick him out and deal with it else put up with him there and deal with that.