Green Aircraft Fuel - please contribute

http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?t=124039

The above thread started me and Boris thinking. Due to UK budget cuts, Boris is now only part-time as Mayor of London, his real earner is working in my basement laboratory.

We can't help but feel there's an opportunity being missed by the airline in question asking passengers to take a wee break before boarding the flight.

Boris and I appreciate that while No. 1s have limited potential as aviation fuel, No. 2s and accompanying gases offer rich possibilities for the production of an in-flight bio-fuel to replace the very expensive and scarce Jet A1 / Jet B or whatever long-haul jet-liners burn these days. We have developed and patented the “Aeronautical Closed-loop Waste Recovery and Propulsion System” or A-CWRAPS for short (the clever placement of the W and R means that Bowis’s pal Jonathan Woss will be able to pronounce A-CWRAPS cowwectly when he interviews us on the telly).

A-CWRAPS requires the following modifications to your bog-standard aeroplane from Boeing or Airbus :

• Air-craft systems :
  • A slurry-tank and agitation system similar to that used on dairy-farms, reduced to scale appropriately (additional weight requirements can be offset by adapting or eliminating (geddit) the existing waste-storage and disposal systems on the aircraft)
  • A methane-gas pressurization and storage system (additional weight requirements can be offset by reducing the regular fuel-storage tanks on the aircraft)
  • Existing fuel-delivery, ignition and monitoring systems will require only minor adaption
• Passenger Catering :
  • All in-flight meals for the duration of the trial period will consist of pulses in various combinations, renowned for their methane-producing capabilities and the ease with which they encourage, eh, movements
• Passenger Toilets :
  • The current door locks will be replaced by a swipe-card ATM reader and electronic interlock that reads credit and debit cards (props to Mick O’Leary for this one), one swipe to enter, another to exit
  • The old-fashioned lavatory bowl will be replaced by a sophisticated contents analysis and routing system linked to the slurry-tank / agitation system and the methane-gas pressurization / storage system
  • Once a passenger completes their business, their contributions are analyzed, measured, weighed and sent on their way to the appropriate aircraft systems. Once this is completed, audible and visual warnings guide the passenger to insert their card into the ATM reader where the existing balances are updated as follows :
    • No. 1s only - zero credits with a warning to try harder next time
    • Alcohol-rich vomit - €10 debit and the address of Alcoholics Anonymous at the flight destination
    • No. 2s - €10 credit and 4 Brownie Points
    • No. 2s and significant methane output - €30 credit and 2 Skid Marks (1 Skid Mark = 5 Brownie Points)
  • At this stage the toilet doors unlock.
  • Skid Marks & Brownie points accumulated in a calendar year are totaled and each New Year’s Day the passenger with the greatest number wins the title of A-CWRAPieSt Air Traveller of the Year.

The longer the flight and the more pulse-laden foods the passengers eat, the more free fuel is generated and burnt on the aircraft, resulting in greater efficiencies, reduced carbon footprint and slimmer (but smellier) passengers.

Boris and I have decided to open the patent up to AAMers for input and we will grant royalty shares for the best suggestions for improving our invention. Thanks for listening.