From the Intertube, for English lovers

mathepac

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WHAT ABOUT THE APOSTROPHE?

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

• An apostrophe walks into a bar and orders a couple of pint's. "Get out, you are not wanted here" says the barman.
 
Actually, it could nearly be used in schools. My son ( and my husband by the way) are clueless when it comes to grammar or punctuation. Maybe it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things though. I just like it. There’s probably loads of mistakes there in my post. Ha!
 
I spotted a couple of mistakes in my OP; I'll never live it down if they're found.

Do children study language and/or the written word to the same depth as we did at school? Answering history, science and getting, dates, facts or formulae correct wasn't enough; we were also expected to have it wrote right!
 
........My son ( and my husband by the way) are clueless when it comes to grammar or punctuation. Maybe it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things though.....

Of course, on occasion, punctuation can very much matter. I remember reading once - perhaps even in these here parts - about how:

"I helped my uncle Jack, off a horse."

The reader was then invited to say the sentence out loud - this time with the punctuation mark removed.
 
Actually I think that was me! I'm a punctuation nerd.

Actually, surely?;)



It may well have been.
I can't be certain so I asked a pal who happens to be a statistician. He is also a frequent lurker on this here site - so he knows the regular cast.

"In theory" he said "the law of large numbers suggests that Purple could have written a memorable post."
"Is there a but?" I enquired
"Well, it is still surprising that it seems to have actually happened here", he replied.
 
Last edited:
It may well have been.
I can't be certain so I asked a pal who happens to be a statistician. He is also a frequent lurker on this here site - so he knows the regular cast.

"In theory" he said "the law of large numbers suggests that Purple could have written a memorable post."
"Is there a but?" I enquired
"Well, it is still surprising that it seems to have actually happened here", he replied.
It's a fair point. I've nothing to add.
 
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