Feeling trapped by an un-happy husband.

S

stano

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My husband want's me to give up work. I only work 20 hours a week and it's not as a brain surgeon, I work in retail and coming up to the silly session I'm asked to do overtime.
He spent the day here with the 2 small ones, a girl of 3 1/2 and a boy of 15 months, the older boy is 16 and sort of interacts with us at times. He had a hard day as the baby is teething and out of sorts.
I came home to stress.
He want's me to leave the job and be here all the time, I guess it's so he won't have to face another day like today. But doesn't that just mean that I have to deal with all this all the time with no break. My job is my break from house work and children.
I'd like to leave if there was enough money so that I could still have a life, but we need my small wage at the end of the month.

I feel trapped.
 
stano said:
I'd like to leave if there was enough money so that I could still have a life, but we need my small wage at the end of the month.
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Sounds like both of you have the same wish but just see the practicalities a bit differently. Have you a monthly budget of income 'v' outgoing that you can show him? If not do one up, show it to him and in non-confrontational way ask him how you can both make the figures work so that you can stay at home; if that is what you want. Maybe there are some expenses both of you could cut back on to make this possible.

Best of luck with it.
 
Babs won't be teathing forever and the stress will still be there its just you will have 100% of it instead of sharing with hubbie.
I firmly believe you should stay on working - sure you could "tighten up" and just exist for the few years but work is so much more than a wage, as you say you need to get away from house and home for a while and working gives you a purpose as well as being "Mam" - its a outlet .
Personally i would sit down with your husband and son, remind them of YOUR needs and get them to recognise that a little help at home and the work could be shared without the stress, your son also needs to help out and give both parents a break by minding his siblings for an hour in the evening while you both chill out - earn the next tenner he gets so to speak.
 
as a guy, it hard to be in your situation, however its sounds to me like your better half should have greater appreciation of your role having had the wee experience recently, don't be afraid to discuss this with your doctor as depression is an illness and needs treatment, hopefully this is just a period your are going through and with discussion you can come out the other end happy
 
Hey

I definitely wouldn't give up the part time job - I think you would maybe resent having to do it and miss the company and the income that it would bring. A part time job like this is great for getting you out of the house and giving you time with adults instead of being with kids all day. Maybe you guys could compromise, for example if your husband is working all day and then has to mind the kids say on a Thursday night cos you're covering late night shopping, maybe you could look into getting a local teenager or paying ur son to look after them for a few hours then your husband can go for a walk/pint/cinema/snooker or whatever he fancies. I used to work in retail so I know that coming up to Xmas you are asked to work all the hours you can so maybe put a limit on the hours you are prepared to do and have one day maybe a Saturday (Sunday I know is double time) which is just for the family. Best of luck
 
stano said:
My husband want's me to give up work.
He spent the day here with the 2 small ones, a girl of 3 1/2 and a boy of 15 months, the older boy is 16 and sort of interacts with us at times. He had a hard day as the baby is teething and out of sorts.
I came home to stress.
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Tell your hubby to grow up! - After one day looking after two kids he wants you to give up work so he won't have to do it? give me a break! I have two children a 3 year old boy and a 9 month old girl - my wife recently gave up her full time job of 15+ years to be a stay at home mammy (a joint decision I might add) and is slowly going around the bend - I realise that it is difficult to look after two kids and cook and clean for them all day every day so I try as much as I can to take them when I am at home to give her a break - it's only fair . Looking after children isn't rocket science but one day a week isn't going to kill anyone!
 
I cant believe what I'm reading!
Your husband needs to face up to his responsibilities.
He looks after the kids of ONE day and is stressed out, so instead he wants you to do it 100% of the time? He is completely unreasonable - why should it be any easier on you to look after them?
It should be the other way around - since he knows how hard it is, he should be encouraging you to go to work, to ensure that you get a break too!

I would not recommend giving up work - you want the external interaction, the extra money, and it'll do him no harm to look after his own kids for a few hours.
 
Ditto to the above, and especially nelly's suggestion about occasionally roping in the 16-year-old so yourself and hubby can get some sort of a break — even just an hour or two, the odd evening.
 
Sit down and discuss the pros and cons including both sanity and affordability. Your other seems to have come to a drastic conclusion after one day of childminding. Bear this in mind should you decide to give up work that you won't end up either resenting him or the kids. At the end of the day though a happy marriage may be worth it.
 
Thanks everyone, we went away for the weekend and got family to mind the kids two nights running and talked it all out. Things are a little clearer now and I'm not giving up my 20 hours outside the home!

He does understand my concerns and isn't really such a flake that he can't mind his own children, but it's really hard sometimes.

Thanks for the support, it was great to read.
 
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