Fathers' rights

J

Jan31

Guest
Hi,
Just wondering if anyone has any ideas on this one. My partner has a 7 year old with an ex, who he hadnt seen for 4 years, she got back in touch last october asking him to see the child as she felt it was in his best interest. My partner was only to happy to spend some time getting to know him, he also offered to pay maintenance each month to help out. Since then she has made life a misery for us, he can only see him when she says so the clothes we bought for him arent good enough she looks for reciepts the whole time, she tells the child he cannot stay over ( we decorated a room for him ) unless he sleeps with his father. She also tells him not to be telling people that his father has another child. Yesterday my partner recieved a letter summoning him to court as he hasnt been paying maintenance, I have kept the reciepts from the postal orders to prove this only she asked us not to put her name on them as it was difficult for her to get to the post office and if her name was on it on one else could change it for her, we agreed but after contacting a solicitor it seems that she might of done this to allow her to collect her social welfare benifits, solicitor seems to think were screwed.As the postal order could of been for any purpose. Does anyone know if this is the case. All replies greatly recieved. Thanks
 
Re: Fathers rights

The Court will only concern itself with payments of maintenance going forward. Both parties will be asked to provide the court a statement of their means and then the court will make an order for maintenance based on this.
Your partner can go on the stand in court and say he was already paying maintenance and show the receipts as evidence.
Usually maintenance payments are paid through the District Court clerk which might be appropriate in this case as s/he will keep a record of them so she can't say she didn't get a payment.
 
Re: Fathers rights

..solicitor seems to think were screwed..
Click to expand...
Why would you be 'screwed'? The mostly likely outcome is that you will have court ordered maintenance, and there will then be a confirmed record of payments. Ultimately you will be in a much better position; so I wouldn't be worried about that.

If he has not already done so, I would recommend that he apply for guardianship and (if necessary) access orders.
 
Re: Fathers rights

Please dont worry now about the money your partner has paid since October. Take the receipts to court and explain to the judge. It will be your partner's word against this little boys mother, so we only hope that the judge believes what is the truth.

There was never a maintenance order in place so I would presume that the judge will execute one on the day and that will be that then but I would advise your partner to request that this be paid through the district court and I think they now prefer by way of standing order direct into their account.

Your partner should get his paperwork in order and get his guardianship put in place.

Also, he now has a perfect opportunity to sort out his access through the court, so sit down, decide when and how often ye would like this little boy to spend time with ye, and get the judge to approve it.

Your partner needs to counter summons for an access order, as far as I know, so that it can all be sorted on the same day.

Best of Luck and always try to think of the little boy first.
 
Re: Fathers rights

Thanks for the advice, my partner has spoke to his solictor regarding proper access and Gaurdianship. So hopefully things will get sorted.
 
Re: Fathers rights

Screwed - I don't see how. This is actually very good news for you if you want proper access rights.

This means she can not stop you seeing the child. She cannot put conditions on it. She cannot complain about what you buy the child, or if she does, don't pay any attention. She most certainly cannot ask for receipts. As long as your partner has guardian rights and takes good care of the child, she cannot dictate what you do on your time with him.

She sounds very bitter indeed, but that probably stems for the fact that she was left to raise and support the child alone for 4 years.

I hope for the sake of the child you guys can all move forward.
 
Re: Fathers rights

"she can not stop", no, but by God she can make things very hard and awkward. She can not turn up with the little boy when it is his dads turn. Then it is back into court again or get guards involved.

Just be careful if she is bitter because she can make your partners life hell! It can be very very stressful on a fully grown man that never gets upset about anything. I've seen few of them crumble because of the pressure.

Let your partner try and keep her amicable, if she is happily keeping their child clean and tidy, let her keep doing it, she may feel that it is you that is choosing the new clothes and maybe this is what she is unhappy about.

Life goes on for people who meet someone new and are happy.

I'm not saying she is right but for the sake of your partner and his little son, try to see it from her point of view if she is jealous, bitter and maybe unhappy.
 
Re: Fathers rights

See this is where the problems come in, myself and herself just cant seem to see eye to eye. I have tried to see things from her point of view, I understand it must of been hard on her, but she was the one who wanted him out of the childs life she had moved on and was seeing someone else they rubbed his nose in it at any chance they got! When she had got back in touch it was when her relationship with the other guy had ended. She is driving a new car, lives with her mother in a council house so hasnt got huge rent to pay, works and also collects social welfare payments. At the moment myself and my partner are struggling to pay our mortage bills etc, very rarely get to go out while she has the life of riley! I just think its very unfair that she then gets to decide when and when not he can see his son. As I said before we decorated a room for him, to be then told that he cannot stay over unless he sleeps with his father. There has been occasions when he has stayed overnight and to be told the next day not to bring him home until bedtime as she had been out the night before! At one point he pushed our son off a slide in the garden and laughed, when i told him it wasnt funny, I had the whole family over to our house, basically telling me I had no right to talk to him the way I did, and that he is only a child and dosent understand, he is seven.
Maybe I am being unreasonable, but at the end of the day, it just seems unfair, that she then gets to bring him to court, while everything else is done on her terms!
 
Re: Fathers rights

See, this is the thing. While she is off having the life of reilly, what is happening with the little boy. Let your partner, for the moment, correct him when he is wrong. And yes, 7 is old enough to know not to pick on little ones! Nobody knows what is happening with the 7 year old at home and as an only child with this mother, he has to contend with a sibling when with his father.

She was probably happy when in the other relationship but now it is gone, life is not the same. Who do you snuggle up to at night, who does she have? I'm not taking her side, I promise.

When your partner gets to court and gets his access sorted, she cannot dictate. The only thing a judge may say is the child is not to be in the pub or bookies! Heard it said!

Now, she may kick up, when the little boy goes back and she starts asking questions, but what can you do? She may or may not turn up at the access and then its probably back to court or maybe a solicitors letter will do. Maybe a phonecall to the local guards would do the trick also. Your partners access will be under court order so the guards may act when she does not turn up.

It is not easy, that is a guarantee, but before you and your partner know it, that little boy will be 18, all grown up, and making his own decisions!

Best of Luck
 
Re: Fathers rights

Many thanks for the words of wisdom and advice, although it may not seem it I do have the childs best interest at heart.
 
Re: Fathers rights

Jan, I hear you! I could have been in a similar situation myself but my man refuses to deal with his ex in person(mainly because she wrote abusive letters to him and his family and made alot of nuisance phonecalls) so they went to court and a maintanence and access arrangement was made and my man sticks to it religiously, if he or she has to make any changes to the days of access its done through his solicitor and there is never a problem so everything is above board and legal at last, life is so good for us we have no hassle and the child is so happy. If you and your partner go the same route you will not be disappointed and if she continues to be awkward and not turn up with the child when supposed to then she is only making herself look bad, she is letting her own bitterness stand in the way of her childs happiness and she should be ashamed, I have a 6yr old from a previous relationship and although I despise her dad everything was sorted from day one I dont have much to do with him but she does and she is very happy and thats all I care about my feelings dont come into it. good luck
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top