F
Fallujah
Guest
WORTH THE INVESTMENT?
(To save our readers time the answer is of course, yes)
by Mandy O’Mandy
An occasional look at what savvy Irish investors will be buying this season.
This week we track down a delightful, exquisite, wonderful, lovely, delightful, charming, appealing, alluring, positively divine (ed. enough already) two bedroom apartment in the heart of the thriving Iraqi city of Fallujah, where streetwise Irish investors with their nose to the ground are hot on the trail of value for money property.
The Market
The demand for property among Fallujahians has never been greater. Recently local estate agents have noticed a sharp drop in the number of habitable homes in this lovely central Iraqi city, which is one of the best kept secrets and truly the jewel in the crown of the middle east. It is a lovely city, very lovely, very, very, very lovely so it is.
In response to this burgeoning market for habitable homes local developer Sheik ya Down has announced a once off never to be repeated development of twenty thousand two bedroom apartments, penthouses, duplexes, townhouses, live/work units detached and un-detached three shops and a crèche to be built on the site of the former city hospital which was recently demolished free of charge by visiting Americans as a gesture of goodwill to the people of Fallujah. Sheik ya Down explains that due to the benign climate and the lovely cityscape Fallujahians did not require the hospital as illness was unheard of in the city, doctors and nurses have been retrained as estate agents and mortgage brokers.
Now for Sale Off Plan
Irish Auctioneers, O’Lovley Fitsnicely & Co, have been quick to act in marketing these exclusive units as Sheik ya Down is to release the units solely in Ireland. “This is a remarkable, unparalleled act of generosity to the Irish people” says a tearful Hugo Fitznicely who has sole selling rights for the Fallujah development. Fitznicley says that demand for the units is vigorous, “It’s ballistic, we had people herding outside the office since last Tuesday, before the official release” (O’Lovley Fitsnicely & Co have abandoned queuing as investors told them that they prefer to group together in herds).
Nula O’Lovley advises that the three shops have been sold already, to a consortium of Irish businessmen who have undertaken market research to establish gaps in the retail market. They will be opening a pork butchers, a ladies swimwear outlet and a sunbed centre.
HOW DO I BUY
Potential buyers will be delighted to know that there is no tiresome legal rigmarole. “You simply spit on your hand and shake with the Sheik and the deal is done” explains Fitsnicely.
Investors can expect to receive a goat a month for the two bedroom apartment and four goats or a camel per month for the exquisite penthouse.
The Pros: Pure Bliss
The Cons: Investors are limited to ten apartments apiece.
Our advice is buy, buy, buy, NOW! as the buying season is upon us, for the love of This post will be deleted if not edited immediately
(To save our readers time the answer is of course, yes)
by Mandy O’Mandy
An occasional look at what savvy Irish investors will be buying this season.
This week we track down a delightful, exquisite, wonderful, lovely, delightful, charming, appealing, alluring, positively divine (ed. enough already) two bedroom apartment in the heart of the thriving Iraqi city of Fallujah, where streetwise Irish investors with their nose to the ground are hot on the trail of value for money property.
The Market
The demand for property among Fallujahians has never been greater. Recently local estate agents have noticed a sharp drop in the number of habitable homes in this lovely central Iraqi city, which is one of the best kept secrets and truly the jewel in the crown of the middle east. It is a lovely city, very lovely, very, very, very lovely so it is.
In response to this burgeoning market for habitable homes local developer Sheik ya Down has announced a once off never to be repeated development of twenty thousand two bedroom apartments, penthouses, duplexes, townhouses, live/work units detached and un-detached three shops and a crèche to be built on the site of the former city hospital which was recently demolished free of charge by visiting Americans as a gesture of goodwill to the people of Fallujah. Sheik ya Down explains that due to the benign climate and the lovely cityscape Fallujahians did not require the hospital as illness was unheard of in the city, doctors and nurses have been retrained as estate agents and mortgage brokers.
Now for Sale Off Plan
Irish Auctioneers, O’Lovley Fitsnicely & Co, have been quick to act in marketing these exclusive units as Sheik ya Down is to release the units solely in Ireland. “This is a remarkable, unparalleled act of generosity to the Irish people” says a tearful Hugo Fitznicely who has sole selling rights for the Fallujah development. Fitznicley says that demand for the units is vigorous, “It’s ballistic, we had people herding outside the office since last Tuesday, before the official release” (O’Lovley Fitsnicely & Co have abandoned queuing as investors told them that they prefer to group together in herds).
Nula O’Lovley advises that the three shops have been sold already, to a consortium of Irish businessmen who have undertaken market research to establish gaps in the retail market. They will be opening a pork butchers, a ladies swimwear outlet and a sunbed centre.
HOW DO I BUY
Potential buyers will be delighted to know that there is no tiresome legal rigmarole. “You simply spit on your hand and shake with the Sheik and the deal is done” explains Fitsnicely.
Investors can expect to receive a goat a month for the two bedroom apartment and four goats or a camel per month for the exquisite penthouse.
The Pros: Pure Bliss
The Cons: Investors are limited to ten apartments apiece.
Our advice is buy, buy, buy, NOW! as the buying season is upon us, for the love of This post will be deleted if not edited immediately