Ex refuses to engage

D

Donkey

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House Purchased September 2007 for €440k
Joint mortage €408k
Tracker 1.25% over ECB
€32k deposit paid by me
Arrears today €20k
Mortgage outstanding including arrears €387k
House valued today at €190k
At time of purchase she was earning €40k, I was earning €50k.
Bankruptcy will destroy my career.
She moved out May 2009, I remained in the house and continue to live here today. I would like to remain here but the longer this goes on the less likely I believe that will happen.
Between May 2009 and November 2010 she paid €600/mth towards the mortgage, I paid the remianing balance on the mortgage and all expenses.
In November 2010 she quit her job, ceased all payments on our mortgage account and moved in with her now husband.
Irrelevant comment, which would identify the ex deleted - Moderator
Since November 2010 she has refused to pay anything off the mortgage and she continues to refuse to engage with the bank or myself.
Today I still earn €50k, however if I pay the full mortgage including house and work expenses I will be left with less to live on than that of someone on social welfare. Her lack of co-operation means that no alternative arrangement with the bank can be put in place.
For the last 3&half years I have asked for mediation and have been ignored. Since the beginning of this year I have sent 6 solicitors letters asking for mediation all of which have been ignored.
The bank have 4 sayings.
1. You are joint and severally liable for the full amount outstanding.
2. Under MARBS you are being dealt with separately, we can tell you nothing about our dealing with your ex.
3. Any alternative arrangement requires the agreement of both parties.
4. Our hands are tied.
 
My heart goes out to you, I am in the same position and now my ex wants to force sale of the house in the divorce. The banks are just not helping at all. Horrible situation to be stuck in.
 
Firstly there is no need for you to go bankrupt.

You say want to stay in the property, but quite plainly you cannot afford it.

Your 'ex' you need to move on from. She has no job, so presumably no means and no assets. So what is the point of mediation, mediation about what?

It is for you to find solutions. Talk to your bank about them letting you sell the property and then repaying the negative equity at the same mortgage interest rate and term as you are currently paying. It would be better if your ex agreed to all this so it can be done in an orderly fashion and with less costs. If you're very lucky the bank might write off the shortfall. First step is to write to the bank.
 
Hi Donkey

I have set out the options facing someone in your situation in this Key Post

What if the ex refuses to contribute to the mortgage or even discuss it?

You have a mortgage of €387k @ 2% interest rate.

The annual cost of paying just the interest is €8,000 a year.

This is all you should pay.

If you make the full repayment, you are gradually reducing her negative equity and liability. So by just paying the interest, her liability will remain.

You can easily afford €8,000 a year.

The bank won't like this, but then you can have 4 sayings:

1. I acknowledget that I am joint and severally liable for the full amount outstanding.
2. MARP or no MARP, I am happy to disclose the full extent of my dealings with my ex
3. Any alternative arrangement to interest only, requires the agreement of both parties - let me know when you get my ex's agreement.
4. My hands are tied.

You will get relatively cheap accommodation for the foreseeable future.

Your ICB record is damaged already due to the arrears. You won't be able to repair it for some time, but this is the least of your worries.

There is a risk that the bank will repossess, but they will have to take legal action against both of you. I think it's unlikely while the interest in full is being paid.

Write formally to your ex and let her know what you are doing.
Every 6 months or so, send her a copy of the mortgage statement.

You might also consider renting out the spare room and retaining the rent as part of any settlement.

There is no question of bankruptcy here. Banks do not make people bankrupt over ordinary home loans. They might repossess it and if they move to do this, then you contact them and agree to co-operate fully in the repossession process.
 
Brendan,
brilliant answer!
this is one of the reasons I feel that this site is so valuable.
It is a great benefit for people who probably can't see the wood for the trees.
 
Buddyboy said:
Brendan,
brilliant answer!
this is one of the reasons I feel that this site is so valuable.
It is a great benefit for people who probably can't see the wood for the trees.
Click to expand...

+1. Very creative, Brendan.
 
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