Ever decreasing circles - social life contraction a normal phonomenon??

At the risk of suffering a "resurrection incursion", this thread was brought back to me with the news a week or two ago that "Married men have no friends". In a particularly delusional moment I thought I might be a bellwether (predictor) for the zeitgeist, but it dawned on me that it's more likely that my very ordinariness explains this phenomenon....... but of course many other Joe Soaps experience the same thing...

I still claim (in my own head) the credit for turning around Ryanair's customer service policy, I expect there's a post of mine framed in some Change Managers office ..... must get this delusional thing looked at tbh
 
. . . Yeah! . . . in my single days I could tell you what team was where in the four divisions on any given day . . . now I couldn't tell you who is leading the Premiership or even who won the Champions League . . . I'm in too.
 
Betsy Og said:
"Married men have no friends"
Click to expand...

I'd love to be in, but the problem I have is that I have 2 kids.

The equation looks something like this:

2 Kids = (0 x Time) + (0 x Money)

So yeah, I'll be your buddy Betsy, but I can't go anywhere!!
 
Surprised there's only three of us, probably much more too bashful. After all being friends with Betsy Og is a bit of a no brainer.
 
. . . and with my views on real trades unionism a few more probably don't want to be associated, so let's not blame Betsy Óg here.
 
Let me give you another perspective. My three best friends are male. They've all got married. I haven't. At some point in the past I've dated all of them. In one case for a week twenty years ago, another was more a flirtation, the other a bit more serious but finished in 2009. In fact I attended his wedding.

However in all cases the wives have made it very clear I am not welcome in their husbands' lives. Deleting texts and emails. Lately on a rare night out one of these men fell asleep in my spare room. I couldn't wake him so left him to sleep it off. I had a flight to get at 6.50 so off I went....he has a key to my house...he had texted her to say he was staying at mine. In the middle of checkin she arrived to check he wasn' t with me...having got a taxi from athlone!
 
[QUOTE="Vanilla, post: After all being friends with Betsy Og is a bit of a no brainer.[/QUOTE]

With these Rochers you're really spoiling us , you're obviously a fellow 'tuck into some red wine of a Friday evening'-er

amtc - you're off on a slightly different line but to return the favour of this thread with similar experiences, I have at various stages had "work wives" - 0% romantic element but women with whom I've worked closely, would have a laugh with, and would consider friends (so I suppose how your buddies would consider you, though without any element at all of history). In my earlier years I came out with a line oft quoted back to me "I don't have female friends, just potential sh*gs" - it was probably Ross O'Carroll Kelly inspired at the time, but whatever % truth it had back in those bravado days is long gone, this dog don't leave the porch.....
 
I also think social circles do decrease with age...

But not sure irish people are really that friendly either - just nosy! (I am irish)

I also think imho posters on the thread may be self selecting ie more introverted etc.,,, so not sure much can be taken from a less than random sample consensus on here.....
 
I was just on the phone to my dad....he is 78...and was discussing how big a social life my mam has..she is 67. Today she has pilates and lunch, night out in town tomorrow, spa day weds, quick overnight to uk thursday, overnight in wicklow fri, concert sat. I'd be exhausted! These are all different groups of friends only made since she went back to work when I was in university so she would've been 48ish.
 
mtk said:
Re amtc well done to your mam.. so it can be done!
Click to expand...
Ah she's a bit of a live wire...she went off to australia for three months last year without telling my dad. I was left to tell him!

But just to bring it back to the original topic my dad is of the generation where he now regrets not making time for friends. I thought one of the saddest things hit home today to me...I had offered to get stamps for christmas cards....and he asked me to get one for his only surviving brother and said it was a saving on two (my other uncle died this year) but he couldn't think of anyone else other than the barman in the local that he knew.
 
Last edited:
amtc- there's a theory that retirement is like a second childhood, you have time back, nothing to lose, still plenty you could do. I look forward to it (will prob have to work till I'm 75 so minding the health!!).

mtk - its not meant to be a scientific survey, it's classic 'confirmation bias' - you are drawn to results that ring true to you (but are not necessarily true of the population as a whole). That published survey was, I presume, somewhat broader - but sure anyway isnt it a chance to "Shoot the Breeze" on an interesting topic, no-one will be prescribed anything off the back of it....bar maybe a few social coffees.....
 
Sorry to put a dampner on it all, but you really don't know how many true friends you have until something bad happens such as a bereavement or indeed financial loss. There will be those who were always around in the good times and you won't see them for dust in the bad times.
 
Yes confirmation bias alright betsy . I guess only risk IMHO is it might encourage some who reads it to think social isolation is normal rather than worth tryingto change at least !
The impact of retirement on mental health largely depends on whether voluntary or not ( adjusting for other variables such as size of pension etc ) .
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Menu
Log in
Register