Ever decreasing circles - social life contraction a normal phonomenon??

Community's in general have or are being broken down.
Mainly due to house prices I would suggest.

Take for example a couple who have had to move very far away from where either of them grew up,they may be living in Cavan or Navan or wexford now, as this is where they could afford to buy.
They may be living in Ghost type estates.

Most of these couples,if they have job,have to commute long distances to get to work,they have to leave their homes very early and get home late.

They don't get to integrate as much as others,their kids have long days in crèches,the kids don't get to mix out on the road etc.

The couples are probably exhausted by all the travel and early hours and late nights and spend most of their weekends trying to catch up with their own family's ,kids,housework,homework etc.

I know of a couple in this situation who have a young baby,they are under enormous stress.And don't have the luxury of friends and family close to home.

So its not that everyone who moves just has to make an effort to integrate and all will be well..it depends on their circumstances .

I was lucky in that when I moved to the country ,I didn't have to commute,the kids went to the local schools and I was able to get to know the parents,plus I could afford to travel home whenever I wanted,and people could afford to travel to see us..its a whole different ball game now..sadly..
 
DB74 said:
This is the problem with Irish society nowadays

Blow-ins coming to live in country villages and not making any realistic effort to meet the locals or integrate properly into the community

No wonder the country is gone to the dogs
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Are you posting this from 1920s somehow?
 
Ha Ha - very good

Anyway I don't blame the Irish blow-ins as much as the foreigners

At least the Irish might give a wave you once every 3-4 weeks, and maybe at Christmas if they're still in their house and haven't gone "home" for the 2 weeks off work
 
Interesting thread - we'd have similar experiences in terms of socialising - it happens less, and with a smaller circle.

But our experience in our local community is different to most posters here. We live in a smallish cul-de-sac, and since having kids, we have got much closer to neighbours with kids. We're not living in each others houses, but the kids are, certainly in winter anyway. This brings with it a certain inevitable degree of integration, though the mammys are probably closer than the daddies.
 
"Blow-ins coming to live in country villages and not making any realistic effort to meet the locals or integrate properly into the community"


Its important to have integration in the community. The level of interbreeding in Irish villages is frightening.
 
I wonder what it is that makes a friend a friend. I have been on a number of coach trips with groups of people whose company I enjoyed but never took that friendship to the next level. There were two couples on a coach tour around Portugal a few years back (based in Cascais) that really gelled. But everyone went their separate ways in the end.
 


Are you complaining about too much integration or too little?
 
heavens, I'm totally shocked. I thought BetsyOg was a middle-aged, single woman with no children. >>>><<<<





When children are older, social life gets going again.....
 
Gordanus said:
heavens, I'm totally shocked. I thought BetsyOg was a middle-aged, single woman with no children. >>>><<<< ....
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jaysus, I dont know how to take that one, either you're extracting the urea or I'm hoping twas the name and not the contributions led you to that conclusion

(for the record "Betsy" was the name of a backpacker car we had in Australia fado fado in 2003, & the "Og" was just to oirish it. Only last week I heard that a lot of people name their car (I dont usually) and, surprise surprise, Betsy was #1 name).
 
Betsy Og said:
(for the record "Betsy" was the name of a backpacker car we had in Australia fado fado in 2003, & the "Og" was just to oirish it. Only last week I heard that a lot of people name their car (I dont usually) and, surprise surprise, Betsy was #1 name).
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My current car is called Hannah (aka. Black Betty) it even has a theme tune.
 


Well your not on your own there,me and mr Foxy are the exact same
 
All friendships depend on commitment at some level or other. A friend is somebody that you can rely on to be there when you may need them occasionally. If they are not - then they are not friends. They are acquaintances.

People get tired of being the person to contact somebody all the time. I must admit - I am not always the one to do this. I am always pleased though when contacted by somebody I like even after a very long time.

With regard to neighbours:

I have no great desire to interact with my neighbours. I couldn't possibly imagine inviting them for coffee - apart from those whom I knew beforehand and who are friends.

I chat to them; discuss the weather, but coffee - naw!

I found it difficult(ish) to live in a housing development first of all because that had not been my previous experience and secondly because I hadn't realised how we are compromised to an extent by where we live.

There are those who have the children agenda; those who have the planting agenda and those who have the do-nothing and pay-nothing agenda! I think I have covered everybody there! (I am in the second category!)

I do not have any friendships with those whom I met on holiday - although I have some fantastic memories of some great and interesting people.

Each to their own!

I enjoy my friends even if I only meet them occasionally.


Marion
 
As regards the agendas listed - I gather the children agenda is where you want your kids to have friends and maybe as a spin off you'll be friends with their parents. This is a current topic in our gaff but my gut reaction is that its being totally overthought, we knew no-one before going to school (country area, no creches or play centres) and it didnt bother us, we made our own friends when we started school.

The system has now turned on its head where I've heard the view "If you're not friendly with the parents the kids wont be friends because its all now play dates and it depends on parents dropping kids to the houses of people they know and like". Thats just sad, bad and wrong (but is it true?, I hope not). "In my day"... (shudder, I'm not that old).. we used to cycle everywhere - I suppose from about age 7 - so it didnt matter who our parents knew or didnt know - but has stranger danger now ruled that out too???

Whats the planting agenda? Are we talking "roots" in the community?
Do nothing, pay nothing agenda? Neighbours somehow scamming you??

Re friendship - I agree that it takes commitment, but you also needs a) lots of common ground and b) probably some "bonding period/opportunity" where, due to some unintentional/undeliberate circumstances, you end up spending quite a bit of time with them (e.g. school, college, work mates etc., I suppose whether a holiday is sufficient time depends on how well ye got on and your respective attitudes/commitment to making new friends).
 

In my experience, it's true.

And while you could be OK for your kids to cycle to a friend's house, the friend's parents may have an opposite view. And if the parents haven't connected, the offers for play dates don't arise.
 
Betsy Og said:
Whats the planting agenda? Are we talking "roots" in the community?
Do nothing, pay nothing agenda? Neighbours somehow scamming you??
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I didn't understand that either

+1 Marion on the friends/acquaintance thing. The word friend is WAY overused. Most of the time they are just people that somebody "knows" - or think they know.

Probably said this before but if you have one real friend you are lucky, if you have two you are blessed, if you have more than two you are most likely mistaken.
 
Caveat said:
Probably said this before but if you have one real friend you are lucky, if you have two you are blessed, if you have more than two you are most likely mistaken.
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Another version I heard was something along the lines of "Count your friends, starting with the best one, but stop when you reach 5".
 
Betsy Og said:
Another version I heard was something along the lines of "Count your friends, starting with the best one, but stop when you reach 5".
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I have 3, what I would call, best friends. I think that's enough for me.
 
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